Ever since the day you realized that you wanted to do life without me, I have missed you in one way or another.
At first, it was a constant flood. I missed you every day, but I didn’t want to admit it. I wanted to be strong and independent. So, everyday when I drove past your house, or I saw your car downtown, and even when I saw you with her, I tried to be strong and force myself to heal. Then I realized, trying to be strong, and being strong are two different things.
One year later, I do not miss you the same. I do not cry for you anymore, but I still miss you.
I am strong, but I miss you and that’s okay. It is unnatural for you to expect me to drop everything like dirty laundry. When you care about somebody, it is not just okay when they leave. You don’t just pick up and move on to the next person. It was a process, a long one but it was for the better. However, along with that process came with the realization that it is okay to miss you.
I always thought that when I didn’t miss you anymore, that’s when I had moved on. Unfortunately, that’s not how this works. I have moved on, and I am okay, but I still miss you. I miss you when good things happen, because I want to tell you. I miss you when something funny happens because I know you would be laughing too. I miss you when new movies come out because we would be doing that stuff together. I miss you in small circumstances, that leave me fond memories, but I do not have unrealistic expectations that you are going to turn back around and things will go back to “normal”, and that’s the difference.
I held onto the last strings that I could. I thought that you’d at least remember my birthday, or ask how I am once in while, but you didn’t, and that’s okay too. I realized hard and fast that you were able to drop me faster than I could you. Maybe, that's part of your healing, and I respect that, but it wasn't part of mine. The truth is, it’s hard when relationships slip away. You both have a mouthful of forevers and you count on it. So when I am mending and healing, it’s natural to miss you.
So please don’t ask me to stop missing you, it’s part of my healing
For a long time I missed the security that came with our relationship, and I finally come to the realization that it can be recreated. Even though I am ‘moved on’ and I am able to find security in somebody besides you, I still miss you. Not in the “let’s get back together” way, but I am still rooting for you, and I hope that life is beautiful in your neck of the woods.