What If I'm Dying?
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Student Life

What If I'm Dying?

What if you had a very small time to live?

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What If I'm Dying?
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Dying, everyone’s afraid of it... or at least they try to be.

Dying is one of the inevitable stages in life, no matter how much you want to avoid it. It’s the creeping stage in life that everyone would rather not think about, but could never escape the mind and realm of the unknown. Recently, I’ve been having a lot of doctor appointments, but for personal reasons, and my most recent appointment rather struck me with a hypothetical. You see, I was given a ride to the doctor’s by my three friends as they also waited for my appointment to end as well. But during the time alone with my doctor, I had weird hypothetical questions roam.... What if I was told that I’m dying? Would I rather know? Or would I rather not be told?

Now I know, it’s dark to think of my own death in that sense, but it became a well philosophical discussion within my friends. I told my friends my hypothetical, and asked them what would they rather choose. Out of the four of us, the three were able to agree on what they chose and why. Then when it came to my own answer, that’s when the discussion began to change gears. Personally, I’d rather not be told that I’m dying. I know, it sounds pretty stupid and ridiculous to have that mindset but hear me out.

If my doctor had the chance to tell me I had a deadly disease or medical non-curable issue that would result in me dying in the range of 6 months - 1 year, I’d rather they’d not tell me. Here’s a few of my reasons:

Depression

Death hits people quite depressingly. I may not speak for everyone but I know personally, I wouldn’t like the constant thought that I’m going to die in a few days, months, or year. Had I been told I’m dying, I’d probably be depressed and just sit and mope around and worry about it more than anything. And while in the conversation, my friends brought up a good point, “Well if you’re now dying, couldn’t you just go and do everything you’ve wanted to do?” To my rebuttal, I stated “No.” It’s because, no amount of short lived happiness nor short lived fulfillment could fill in the void that I’m dying. Nothing to my opinion (let that be clear, before someone comments or makes a counter article like the one with the spoiled resume), is going to change or facade my mindset/ mood of the thought that I’m dying soon. So if that would be a big problem for myself, imagine this issue for those who cherish me and are a big part of my life and vise versa.

Depression for others

Seeing or hearing your loved ones dying/or died is like trying to swallow a hard pill with a dry throat. It’s not easy, and my friends personally would feel heartbroken and depressed for a while, while trying to keep on to me through memory. And while in the times they’ll have left with me, they’ll just be awkwardly trying to find ways to spend time with me, but be bombarded with their own personal agendas. Thus, creating a high sense of guilt for not either spending all the time they could have with more, or had the moments to cherish me more. Also not to be rude, but as much as I love my friends and care for them, their depression won’t affect me more than my mother. Being the only child of a single parent, seeing my mom struggle and go through a route of depression would kill me harder than my hypothetical cancer/disease. As she’ll try all in her power to keep me alive but to what effort when it’s incurable. Seeing her cry and go through all that, would cycle back and create crippling depression and anxiety to myself. So I’d rather not have others suffer for my suffering, in a self-righteous way.

What’s the difference with not knowing & already living life normally?

This is a bit of a serious note. I feel as that living life until you die from old age and not knowing when you’re going to die from a disease are the same thing. Now before you disagree, hear me out… Everyone including yourself already assume that you’re going to live your life to the fullest, meaning until that of old age, or some God given natural selection. So, if you already know you’re going to die at some point in life, what would be the difference in dying without knowing how and just living your life? The answer is simple, nothing. You will never know when your life ends as it is, and finding out will only create issues and a spiral of struggles.

However, that shouldn’t stop you from living life the way you already do. You’re already doing so to your fullest, and that’s how you should. Life is precious, whether you feel as if it’s wasted or not. And with hypotheticals like these, it can really broaden your mind on what you believe is most important to you. Or find out who you cherish the most, and would wish to protect. Yes, it’ll be great to know the reasons for your demise but then again, would it? Think about it, ask your friends this question.

See what kind of answers you get!

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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