Ah, college. Summer has come and gone and syllabus week is far behind us. Now we have to arrive to class with work in our hand, ready to discuss intellectual matters for at least three days out of the week. Around this time every student is most likely experiencing writing their first real assignment of the semester. This means you'll be going through the same process of writing a paper that you swore you would change after freshman year. But, sadly, you haven't. There are 10 steps in writing your first paper of the semester and odds are, you're still up to your old tricks of procrastinating hardcore. Here's how your writing process is probably gonna go if you needed a reminder:
1. Confidence.![]()
You've just been handed your assignment and you're more than positive this paper is gonna be better than the last. You have 6 weeks to plan a strategy that's so perfect, this paper will be A+ material, guaranteed.
2. Denial.
Well, you do have 6 weeks. Not to mention Netflix just got a new season of your favorite show. And your friends want to go out to the bars. And you have that thing on campus you have to attend because their offering free pizza. You have 6 weeks, you'll be fine.
3. Even more denial.
You still have plenty of time, however, you haven't even selected a topic. It doesn't help that whenever you open your agenda, that little due date on your calendar sticks out like a sore thumb because you further procrastinated by color-coding your assignments and events for the semester. But you have plenty of time. Like 4 weeks. Literally so much time.
4. Sucking it up.
Your professor knows you too well. To decrease the amount of awful papers he or she may receive due to everyone pulling an all-nighter the night before, therefore resulting in wordiness, tired repetitiveness, incorrect citing, and minor errors that were easily overlooked, you now have a rough draft due. This draft is due tomorrow and there is no way out of it. The time is now: you gotta crank out some sort of awful regurgitation from the text and hope it sounds like you spent at least some sort of time planning out the draft.
5. Some more denial.
Well now you have to reward yourself for finishing that draft. It may have only taken you 30 minutes to spurt out any kind of train of thought into that word document, but it was a hard 30 minutes. Tumblr away, my friend, you have clearly earned it.
6. Active procrastination.
The reward is over. You should really be working on your paper but that's just not gonna happen. Like there is no other thing you should be doing right now except for writing. That final draft is due real soon. In 3 days you need to have an excellent, and scholarly, analysis of God knows what and all you have is a very rough draft you'll probably trash as soon as you sit down to actually write this paper. You are actively doing this to yourself. You will receive zero sympathy from your friends or the barista you're making small talk with on your way to the library.
7. Panic.
You are now questioning your existence in this life and your status as a student. "Is college really worth it?" "If I switch my major does this class matter?" "How many hours of sleep have I missed staying up to write this?" "Will I even sleep tonight?" T-minus 7 hours until this paper is due and you have a long way to go. So no, you will not be sleeping at all tonight. That paper has to be perfect and ready for print by 8am. So no, definitely no sleep.
8. Clarity.
Everyone experiences this during an all-nighter. For about 2 hours there is nothing but actual work being done. These 2 hours could have easily taken place 4 weeks ago, but you are human garbage and made sure that wouldn't be the case. Enjoy these two hours. You'll get the most work done out of the whole night before your brain decides to slowly give away and you'll start to type nonexistent words with your eyes half closed. Meeting word-count requirement is just one of the enemies you have to fight during an all-nighter. But don't worry, you got this.
9. Acceptance.
Welp, it's 7:30 am and you have a final draft. Its' a little wordy, and there's probably a few comma splices, but you did it. This moment is the result of a few weeks of pure procrastination and one seemingly endless night of analyzing a book you barely even read. But you're done. You did it. No turning back now. It's time to pack up the little home you made for yourself in the library, throw away the 5 empty cups of coffee laying around your laptop, and take your walk of shame in your clothes from the day before for your trek to class. You don't feel quite as satisfied as you thought. But it's common to have zero feeling after an all-nighter. General emotion will come back after a nap or two.
10. Relief.
Now it's really done. You may have finished at the library, but nothing is better than the feeling of turning in a paper. There is no work beyond this point. You get the grade you get and deal with it. Now you can actually celebrate, except this time it's not a night out at the bars with our friends. This reward consists of a long-ass nap, your fave order from Chipotle and the sweet, sweet, silence of having zero assignments due in that class for a while. Congrats, you mediocre excuse for a student, you made it!