I returned back to my alma mater for a football game for the first time as an alumnus. My friends and I looked at each other as soon as we arrived with deep regret. One turned to me and said, “You gotta write about this feeling”. I never felt so out of place than when I did standing at the football fields fence to watch the underclassmen play. We stared at the new freshman faces with blank stares, they had no name, we had no idea who they were.

For the past four years, I’ve gotten to know a good amount, but not all, of the students in my high school. As a senior, the younger students really looked up to you. But returning back, we received no stares of admiration. The freshman no longer wanted to be just like us. Why would they? They had no idea who we were. I didn’t know the drama behind each person, I didn’t know who went with who at the homecoming dance, I didn’t know what teacher they had and I didn’t know how they acted in school. I was so in the dark, it was a feeling I wasn’t used to, it was a feeling I didn’t like.

Just our luck, it was senior night…Senior night was probably the most anticipated night if you were into athletics. It was when everyone gave you the recognition that you deserved whether you were a bench warmer or in the starting lineup. I watched the players line up on the field, heard their names being called. I couldn’t believe that those weren’t my friend's names or faces. I couldn’t believe that the “juniors” were now in our place, looking for colleges, playing in their last games…taking our spots.

Walking around I received hugs from most of the people that I hadn’t seen since I left, their first words were always “How’s college?” or “Does senior year get any easier?”. I wanted to answer those questions explaining that I’m still a senior and I had no idea what they were talking about. But obviously, I couldn’t. I heard them talk about their senior trip, senior pictures, field hockey games-everything was so surreal. I felt like I should’ve known about everything they were saying, after all, I did just graduate...right?

When you leave high school after graduation you don't have morning announcements to keep you updated. Your friends are no longer tweeting about the high school shenanigans. You’re only caught up if you want to be, and most of the time you’d rather not see how good (or bad) your high school is doing without you, you’d rather not look back at the “glory days”-you get the sense that you’re “too old” to now. You get too caught up on what your college or university is doing lately, which is completely natural but believe me… when you go back, it’ll hit you... hard.