Lately, my depression hasn't been the world's greatest, and it's been going on for about two or three weeks. Yesterday, though, I caught a break. Now, what exactly do I mean by that?
Happiness. I felt happy.
To those who don't suffer from depression, this probably doesn't make sense.
There's a poem by the wonderful Atticus:
depression is being colorblind
and constantly told how colorful the world is.
For me, this is exactly how depression feels. The world seems so gray and hopeless no matter where you look. Honestly, it kind of feels like a dementor is sucking the life and emotions out of me and replacing it with seemingly infinite amounts of the world's heaviest boulders. Some days, I can't even get out of my bed it's that bad. It's almost as if life switches from 3D and colorful to 2D and grayscale, and it's torturous.
So now you're probably thinking to yourself, "If you feel like this every day, what does it feel like when you experience happiness? Can someone with depression experience happiness?"
My answer to that is yes, we can experience happiness. Of course, no one experiences it the same, so I'm just going to describe how it feels when I experience it.
Do you know how I mentioned how life feels 2D and colorblind? Basically, when I feel happy, it's as if I get a little bit of that color back. When I'm in a depressive episode, I almost forget what happiness feels like. Then, when I finally feel it again, it feels foreign. Yesterday, it took me forever to figure out what I was actually feeling, and then it suddenly dawned on me that I was feeling happiness. Happiness feels like a huge ball of energy within me that I don't even know what to do with. Honestly, I probably look like I'm on an intense sugar high.
I guess by explaining this, I want people to realize that happiness isn't a given in life. Some of us have to fight for happiness every day, and some people don't. Either way, do not take your happiness for granted. Cherish happiness when it comes, and remember that feeling when it goes. Just know that happiness, no matter how sparse it may be in your life, will always find its way back to you.
I hope that today you experience all the color in the world, you deserve it.
Editor's note: The views expressed in this article are not intended to replace professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.