When I was a senior in high school, I was in a long-distance relationship with a guy I’ll refer to as Kraig. I was excited because not only was a cute guy showing interest in a small-town girl like me, I felt like our relationship was blossoming into something good. I was always checking my iPad between classes (thank you, Bridgeport High!), hoping to hear from him. Although I knew it was cliché, I couldn’t help but notice that my first name and his last name sounded great together.

During the last month of my Creative Writing class, my teacher asked us to write out a list of things we wanted to accomplish in five years. We were to stamp and address envelopes so that she could mail them back to us when we graduated college. It was a daunting assignment, so I decided to write a letter to myself and create a bucket list, hoping to be able to check things off the list once I saw it again.

That day, my friends and I sat at our usual table at lunch and whipped out our papers, eager to talk about our future plans. As they all scribbled eagerly on their loose-leaf, college-ruled pages, I remember stopping to think about whether or not my plan for my life fit with Kraig’s plan for his own. Would he move to be with me? Would we go to the same college together? How did our plans coincide? Chewing on the end of my pencil, I wondered what I should include on my bucket list. It ended up looking something like this:

Travel to Italy

Sing in a band

Publish my first novel

Learn to play guitar

As I struggled to write this list, I slowly realized that I wasn’t writing it for myself. Instead of dreaming big and reaching for the stars, I was narrowly focused on the future that Kraig and I might share. When one friend jokingly talked about going to Hawaii, I didn’t include that on my list because Kraig didn’t like the sand. Even then, I knew that wasn’t how I should approach this assignment. I was torn. Was I going to allow myself to imagine my life free from restrictions or was I going to limit myself to the life I could have with Kraig, who wasn’t even there with me?

Kraig and I broke up three weeks before school let out (but, unfortunately, not before he FedExed me an itchy purple corsage the night of my senior prom).

Looking back on it, I’m glad we ended things because he wasn’t the right guy for me. He had me thinking small and reconsidering my life goals in an attempt to be the right girl for him. However, God doesn’t think small, and he didn’t create me with specific hopes and passions only to have me tame them for a guy. By dating Kraig, I learned that the right guy is not someone I have to re-arrange my life for. He’s the guy who fits into it perfectly.