Imagine a perfect date: nice Italian dinner, some fine wine, and great conversation as you get to know the handsome man across from you.

As least that's what I pictured.

As the night progresses, you discover you want to get to know the person more, so you leave and continue to talk. He showers you with compliments and tells you he had a great time, and from that point on, you still connect.

I was fortunate enough to have that experience, but as I got to know the handsome man that sat across from me that evening, I soon realized he was not for me.

After the first date he said he wanted to continue going out and as I was excited to see him again, I could not help but wonder what about me sparked his interest.

Was it my witty charm?

Or my internal desire to make the world a better place?

Or maybe, was it my resilience over experiencing so many hardships in the past?

As I pondered, I remembered my date saying to me that he thinks I would be a great mom. Most people would think that's jumping the gun a bit, but I absolutely love kids and having such a close relationship with my mother made me feel honored.

Of course, I asked him why he thought I would be a good mom, and as I looked forward to his response, he muttered, "Because you'd be a MILF."

So this is for you, the guy I thought was a dream date that turned out to primarily see my appearance. And this is also for the guy who took me to formal last year, sat me down, asking me why I thought he took me.

When I replied with what I considered to be the obvious answer, "Because we're good friends and have fun together," I received a "No, because you're hot" from him in return. In addition to you kind fellows, this is for any other not only male, but anyone who has judged me by the way I look.

Don't get me wrong, I am flattered by both individuals thinking I'm an attractive woman, but as a 4'11'' athletic female with long locks, I am constantly judged by how I look. Not just by males, but by many people around me and I am exhausted by it.

Yes, what you see is what you get typically, but as for me, I am not that person. I may be small, but I have a huge heart that is filled with so much kindness and desire to impact lives.

I am young, but my soul is far older than my age and the experiences in my past have molded me into a mature, responsible, and hard-working young woman. I love to dress up and have my make up done, but nothing gets my blood pumping like the feeling after a six-mile run when I am drenched in sweat, or after any work out when I leave every ounce of energy I have at the gym.

The point I want to make is, stop judging not only me but everyone by how they look because you never know what to expect. If you knew me, I am the happiest person you know but that does not disparage the pain I feel from not having a stable home, constantly worrying about finances, surviving multiple sexual assaults, and struggling to support myself day by day.

I don't bring up the struggle I have for pity, but to mention that what you see just so happens to not always be what you get.

So why is appearance such a huge factor in our opinion of each other?

I would love to know the answer, but I think we need to train our brains to go back to the basics: to think before we speak. We need to give people the benefit of the doubt, to take the time to hear their stories and listen to their pasts, and not to jump to conclusions about one another based on the first impression.

If one of those two guys I mentioned realized that every day I look in the mirror and hate what I see, maybe they would have known how sensitive the topic is to me. But more importantly, if they had taken the time to get to know me, they would understand how I value who I am as a person far more than how I look.

They would see beyond my looks and get to know my dreams, my passions, what inspires me, what breaks me down, what motivates me, and much more about how I want to live.

But until we start reaching a little deeper and looking beyond the surface, we are always going to prioritize describing women, in addition to everyone, as attractive or not. So I encourage you to look past the outside and discover who someone really is. Get to know their soul. Get to know every last piece of their past that has made them who they are.

Because who knows, you may find that person who loves unconditionally, who works until they are out of breath, who fights with every fiber of their being, who gives more than ever will receive, who touches every soul with kindness, and who wants to change the world. You might find the loving, determined, tenacious, selfless, charismatic, and inspiring person who I consider myself.

Take the time to get to know me, not what appears to be me.