There is really only one way to be an expert on breakups: going through a lot of them. I wouldn't say I'm quite an expert, but like everyone, I've certainly had my share of bad breakups. Recently I was thinking about all of the things we say during breakups and even in the relationships themselves.

I'm not one to you the "L" word–love–but for people who do I also wonder if that just stops being true or if it was never true at all. Does every sweet thing you said to one another change? I suppose it depends on the relationship, but I'd like to believe that what we say is at least true in the moment. It's hard to say goodbye to a relationship.

I know some people will say that leaving a relationship that isn't working is easy, but it's not. You were with this person for a reason, you spent time together, shared memories, and maybe even shared secrets, too. I've found that I go through the stages of grief for any real relationship I have, because it is a loss. After a relationship ends, sometimes you need your space from the person. But, you also miss telling them things, you miss going to your favorite places together; simply, you just miss them.

Again, maybe this doesn't apply to everyone–if that's the case, that's great. There are a million breakup songs for saps like me, who buy hook-line-and-sinker into the true love crap that we are fed by movies, books, T.V. shows, etc. Let it never be said that a kick-ass playlist of breakup songs doesn't help, even if just for a short time. After pondering the meaning of the breakup words we use, such as "we will still be friends" or "I will always care about you", one is left (especially after a bad breakup) wondering why we do this to ourselves. Why would anyone in their right mind set themselves up to get hurt? We do it again and again no matter the outcome.

Some define insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results; basically we are all insane. We could swear off out significant others, and many of us say we will, but there is a reason that we continue to fall in love. We are trying to find someone that improves us and our lives.

One of my favorite myths is that when humans were created, we were split in half, and are supposed to spend our lives searching for our other halves. A friend of mine crinkled her nose at this and said that we should all be whole all on our own and not need someone else. I never considered that, because I just assumed that we needed someone else. This isn't true: we don't need another person to complete us. I still love the story because it is sweet, but now I clarify that we can also do just fine alone.

Even though it sounds like I'm saying that we can swear off of relationships, I'm not. We need other humans, like friends, family, and S.O.'s, to enhance our lives. The strongest, most independent people still need support from time to time which is another reason that I think we don't just give up. Breakups don't break us, they change us, and healthy relationships don't complete us– they just make us better.

P.S. If you figure out how to go through breakups without being hurt, let me know.