Well S***

Well S***

Nice Guys Finish Last

There comes a time in your life when you regret what you are. That keeps happening to me. I end up in situations where I want one thing but the fiber of my being does not let me have it. Does that make sense? Of course not, I’m being really confusing. Sorry, but I’m not really in touch with my feelings, so when I try to explain them it turns out to be cryptic. Let just use the most recent example that is walking away from me as I speak. She is a friend. One of those friends that everyone always asks if we are dating but never are. Well, anyway, when we first met, we became quick friends and got pretty close. Close enough, from my point of view. I am a seasoned veteran in getting my feelings hurt. I am really good at it. People find it really easy to treat me like s***, like I have no feelings. Used and abused with a dagger in my heart, jealous yet? So I do not let people get to know me. The real me, I keep my thoughts to myself and my level of sharing them at a minimum. Fool me once, and that’s on me. Put up walls just to get fooled again and I’m off the deep end. If you survive, you come back as a paranoid individual that trusts no one and lets no one in. I’m not getting fooled again.

With everything in life, there is an inherent risk. If you let no one in then there is no risk. Think about it in terms of money: if you have a lot of money and you invest it then you could lose your investment. Yet, on the other hand, if you hoard your money and bury it in the backyard then you don’t lose your money. That is what I decided to do with my feelings. Then every once in a while an investment comes along that I cannot pass up. So I decide to dip into the ditch money, then lose it all. That’s what you get for having dreams. Dreams are the worst thing for humanity. If we did not have dreams then no one would be disappointed. But unfortunately, dreams kept happening. But I’m a hypocrite because I have some dreams of my own. Those dreams are how I ended up here today. Stupid dreams are walking off, this time for good. Have you ever had your heart promised the world? Only to get it ripped out and tossed into a meat grinder?

I do not particularly recommend it. But I can promise you that it gets better. I was devastated the first time it happened, now sure it hurts but I’ll be fine. Let me explain something to the functional people. I am a nice guy. In fact, I am the poster child for “nice guys.” It’s a good group. We just got a margarita machine in the break room. What do I mean? Let me explain: I am overly polite, always asking for permission, respectful, constantly nervous of making a mistake, and terrified of people having negative opinions of me. So my behavior is heavily influenced by what others think of me. I do not want to be the subject of gossip. Therefore I do not do anything that is gossip-worthy. I always ask permission, that way people do not think I am presumptuous. I am overly polite because I do not want people to think I do not care about them. I want people to like me. I try my hardest not to make enemies in this world. So I bend and conform to others’ wishes. A classic “yes man” type of situation. I just do not want people to think that I am an a**hole. It is like attempting to tread water. If you just be yourself and have opinions you drown. Yes, risking people not liking me is like drowning. So I jump through hoop after hoop just to stay afloat. I want to be perfect. How can someone complain about someone that is perfect? So I think my decisions to death wondering, would an a**hole say this? Can this be taken the wrong way? Always playing the safe card and never taking a risk.

Now the epitome of my life; Rebecca. The fiber of my person is to be a nice guy. Over the time I spent on this earth I have accumulated a good deal of friends. But being a guy it is a little weird that my closest friends are women. Yet, like I said, I am a nice guy. They are not threatened by me. So I am the gay best friend. The guy that they go to, to talk about their feelings and he will not take advantage of them. The only problem with me being the gay best friend is that I'm not gay. Not to say that being gay is bad or wrong, it is just not me. Let me explain with hair color. If you have a friend that dyes their hair, you may not remember their natural color. Like, “You are not a natural blonde?” reaction to when you tell people you dye your hair. Maybe they were a redhead and wanted to change it blonde. Not to say that redheads are bad. But I do act a bit feminine and people think that perhaps I am not straight. It is a crime for guys to have feelings. I mean, I can talk about that stuff and still be straight, but no. Once you have a sensitive side as a man, suddenly you are gay. Isn’t that terrible? I am sure that there are plenty of people who are not gay but are in touch with their feelings. In the same way, just because you are gay, it does not make you inherently in touch with your feelings. Can we just let people be people without labels? So some people look at me like, “You are not gay?”

So Rebecca was a close friend. Coming from a guy with a lot of female friends, there are tiers. This is going to sound horrible but bear with me. One tier is we are just friends, that’s is it. The second tier is we are friends and I could see something happening but not likely. The third tier is I would like something to happen but she is not having it; so we are just friends. Fourth, we are very close friends and no amount of alcohol can change that. The fifth tier is when you guys are more of a brother-sister type of relationship, and the thought of a romantic aspect makes you gag a bit. Then there is the "no way in hell would they be caught dead with a guy like me" tier. So the girl is just unattainable. Well, Rebecca fell in the fifth tier of never-going-to-happen-so-stop-wishing-boy.

The she broke up with her dream guy. It was for a bunch of petty reasons that just built up over time and they ended things. Then she started to take an interest in me, which was great for me. But all good things come to an end. I quickly realized that I was just the rebound guy. That is my role in life, to get nothing and somehow find a way to be happy about it, then when something good happens it is not for long and out of pity. It is great to be me. We were at dinner today when all she could talk about was her ex, Rex. Then you know Rex happens to walk into the restaurant we were eating at and so I made my choice. I looked at her and saw someone who settled. So this is what I said, “Go to him.” She insisted that we were together now. Yeah right, we are not “official” and you will not take a photo with me because of the “paper trail.” I figured it out when she a Rex broke up I was the closest guy there. Kind of like being the starting quarter of the Los Angeles Rams. You do not have to be a great player, you just have to be the best player present at training camp. Under normal circumstances, no one would ever hire you, or give you a starting job. Kind of like that old joke of the two lawyers in the woods a bear shows up. So the one lawyer starts to put on running shoes. The other one says, “Surely you do not believe that you can outrun a bear?” His friend replies, “I don’t have to outrun the bear, I just have to outrun you.”

So to Rebecca, I was that slightly faster lawyer. I weighed my options. I could be selfish and accept her “pity-love” and be perfectly happy while she slowly died inside. But the nice guy in me said this, “Go to him. Listen, it was fun while it lasted but I figured it out a while ago. I know and understand what this was and I’ll make my peace with it. But look at him, he is miserable. You know you love him.” (Okay, they dated for four years. She clearly loved him because she told me several times when they dated. Everyone thought that they were going to get married and they should. Even before they dated she had the biggest crush on him. Rex is Rebecca’s superman). So I said, “Look at him, he is your top choice. He is Harvard and I’m community college. No one would throw away their shot at going to Harvard for community college.” I am the community college, the safety school. The school that is always there and in the back of your mind. The “if all else fails school.” That’s the only reason people keep me around. Rebecca got up and went to Rex. I walked away with my heart hacked out of my chest and thrown into a paper shredder, again. Maybe she could go back to get her degree but she never will. I’m a nice guy that let a nice girl go have her happiness. Am I happy? Well, it’s an old saying but it is true. “Nice guys finish last.”

Cover Image Credit: The Sheraton

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College As Told By Junie B. Jones

A tribute to the beloved author Barbara Parks.

The Junie B. Jones series was a big part of my childhood. They were the first chapter books I ever read. On car trips, my mother would entertain my sister and me by purchasing a new Junie B. Jones book and reading it to us. My favorite part about the books then, and still, are how funny they are. Junie B. takes things very literally, and her (mis)adventures are hilarious. A lot of children's authors tend to write for children and parents in their books to keep the attention of both parties. Barbara Park, the author of the Junie B. Jones series, did just that. This is why many things Junie B. said in Kindergarten could be applied to her experiences in college, as shown here.

When Junie B. introduces herself hundreds of times during orientation week:

“My name is Junie B. Jones. The B stands for Beatrice. Except I don't like Beatrice. I just like B and that's all." (Junie B. Jones and the Stupid Smelly Bus, p. 1)

When she goes to her first college career fair:

"Yeah, only guess what? I never even heard of that dumb word careers before. And so I won't know what the heck we're talking about." (Junie B. Jones and her Big Fat Mouth, p. 2)

When she thinks people in class are gossiping about her:

“They whispered to each other for a real long time. Also, they kept looking at me. And they wouldn't even stop." (Junie B., First Grader Boss of Lunch, p. 66)

When someone asks her about the library:

“It's where the books are. And guess what? Books are my very favorite things in the whole world!" (Junie B. Jones and the Stupid Smelly Bus, p. 27)

When she doesn't know what she's eating at the caf:

“I peeked inside the bread. I stared and stared for a real long time. 'Cause I didn't actually recognize the meat, that's why. Finally, I ate it anyway. It was tasty...whatever it was." (Junie B., First Grader Boss of Lunch, p. 66)

When she gets bored during class:

“I drew a sausage patty on my arm. Only that wasn't even an assignment." (Junie B. Jones Loves Handsome Warren, p. 18)

When she considers dropping out:

“Maybe someday I will just be the Boss of Cookies instead!" (Junie B., First Grader Boss of Lunch, p. 76)

When her friends invite her to the lake for Labor Day:

“GOOD NEWS! I CAN COME TO THE LAKE WITH YOU, I BELIEVE!" (Junie B. Jones Smells Something Fishy, p. 17)

When her professor never enters grades on time:

“I rolled my eyes way up to the sky." (Junie B., First Grader Boss of Lunch, p. 38)

When her friends won't stop poking her on Facebook:

“Do not poke me one more time, and I mean it." (Junie B. Jones Smells Something Fishy, p. 7)

When she finds out she got a bad test grade:

“Then my eyes got a little bit wet. I wasn't crying, though." (Junie B. Jones and the Stupid Smelly Bus, p. 17)

When she isn't allowed to have a pet on campus but really wants one:


When she has to walk across campus in the dark:

“There's no such thing as monsters. There's no such thing as monsters." (Junie B. Jones Has a Monster Under Her Bed, p. 12)

When her boyfriend breaks her heart:

“I am a bachelorette. A bachelorette is when your boyfriend named Ricardo dumps you at recess. Only I wasn't actually expecting that terrible trouble." (Junie B. Jones Is (almost) a Flower Girl, p. 1)

When she paints her first canvas:

"And painting is the funnest thing I love!" (Junie B. Jones and her Big Fat Mouth, p. 61)

When her sorority takes stacked pictures:

“The biggie kids stand in the back. And the shortie kids stand in the front. I am a shortie kid. Only that is nothing to be ashamed of." (Junie B. Jones Has a Monster Under Her Bed, p. 7)

When she's had enough of the caf's food:

“Want to bake a lemon pie? A lemon pie would be fun, don't you think?" (Junie B. Jones Has a Monster Under Her Bed p. 34)

When she forgets about an exam:

“Speechless is when your mouth can't speech." (Junie B. Jones Loves Handsome Warren, p. 54)

When she finds out she has enough credits to graduate:

“A DIPLOMA! A DIPLOMA! I WILL LOVE A DIPLOMA!" (Junie B. Jones is a Graduation Girl p. 6)

When she gets home from college:

"IT'S ME! IT'S JUNIE B. JONES! I'M HOME FROM MY SCHOOL!" (Junie B. Jones and some Sneaky Peaky Spying p. 20)

Cover Image Credit: OrderOfBooks

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UFC 241: Showtime For Nate Diaz

The Long-Awaited Grudge Match Has Been Made


Former UFC Lightweight Champion and Former WEC Lightweight Champion Anthony "Showtime" Pettis gets himself an opponent he has been waiting for since he was sitting at the throne in the UFC's Lightweight division. Coming off of a knockout of the year candidate after he knocked out top welterweight contender Stephen "Wonderboy" Thompson with a flying superman hook is booked in a fight that could very well be the fight of the year. It was announced that the returning Nate Diaz will meet Anthony "Showtime" Pettis in the Co-Main Event slot at UFC 241 in the welterweight division.

The long-awaited return of Nate Diaz is finally here after he was originally supposed to make his octagon return back at UFC 230 when he was expected to face the now interim UFC Lightweight Champion Dustin "The Diamond" Poirier, but that fell through after Dustin suffered a hip injury. After that, there was no news of any kind of return aside from Dana White saying the Diaz Brothers turn down fights.

On Ariel Helwani's mix martial arts show he had Anthony "Showtime" Pettis as a guest as Anthony really broke down how much he is looking forward to this fight. He also detailed how he will already be heading into fight camp even though the fight is on August 17th because that is how much he wants to knock out Nate Diaz. There always have been some kind of dispute between these 2 fighters so it will be interesting to see what would be said at the press conference if the UFC decides to hold on for UFC 241.

Since entering the UFC Anthony "Showtime" Pettis has stacked up 8 fight bonuses with the amazing performances he continues to put on. The former UFC Lightweight champion also has 9 wins in the organization with wins over huge names like Donald "Cowboy" Cerrone, Charles Oliveria, Jeremy Stephens, and now since entering the welterweight division former title challenger Stephen "Wonderboy" Thompson. Anthony "Showtime" Pettis is looking to become a serious title contender in the UFC 170 pound division as he will meet the huge obstacle that is Stockton, California's own Nate Diaz.

Many were unclear and speculated if Nate Diaz was going to return. Including, who his potential opponent would be. Everyone was under the assumption that the only way that Nate Diaz would make his return to the octagon would be that 3rd fight with "The Notorious" Conor Mcgregor. Nate Diaz who become the first person to finish Conor Mcgregor in the UFC is also coming off of a loss to Conor Mcgregor in their rematch leaving both of them with 1 win and 1 loss against one another. It was even shocking when the UFC announced last year that Nate was gonna return against Dustin in the lightweight division.

At UFC 241 Nate Diaz will be returning to the welterweight division is a bout that will be huge as the main event is the rematch between former UFC Heavyweight Champion Stipe Miocic and the current UFC Heavyweight Champion Daniel "D.C." Cormier in a rematch that has been way too far overdue.

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