Just to get the embarrassing details out of the way, I have 878 notes in my phone. I use the hell out of the notes app. We're going to be taking a look at some of the bizarre notes I have in my phone.
Most sane people use their notes app to write down what they need at Target or to remind them what day their doctor's appointment is. Well, as a person who has never been described as sane, I can assure you that I have these kinds of notes in my phone, too, along with a ton of super sweet novel-length texts to my amazing girlfriend.
Not proud to say this, but the rest of my notes are... bizarre, to say the least. Let's take a look.
I don't know who Jason is or why he needs to wait, but if you're reading this and your name is Jason, just hold up for one minute.
2. Who's playing roulette?
I'm convinced this was me making sure I spelled the word roulette correctly so I typed it in my notes to see if I got the ugly red line underneath yelling at me that I'm stupid and spelled it wrong, but who would I be sending a message to with the word roulette involved?
3. I have no idea what this one means
I really have no recollection of this note. Meat heaven? Sure, who doesn't like a good burger from time to time, but why on God's green earth would I write meat heaven as a note?
Okay, there are a lot of baffling things going on with this one. First, why is there so much space from the start of the note until the content? Why was I so enthusiastic when describing a backpack? Why did I need to write down backpack, and why did I need to put an exclamation point after it? Yeah, I don't know either, and I'm the dumbass who wrote this.
5. Haunted headphones
Okay, remember in the intro when I described that sane people will get a shopping list for when they go to Target? Well, a sane person's Target list is "milk, eggs, cheese, bread" and that's it. My Target list was to get a pair of headphones and "The Exorcist" on Blu-Ray.
6. What is this a list for?
I really have no idea what this is a list for. And why are there numbers, too? Who's dog #3? Who the hell is Vicky? As someone who has never and will never step foot in a Polo store, I really have no idea what else Polo could refer to. I guess I got Subway for lunch? Or maybe I was getting on the 1 Subway in the city? Either way, I needed to make it to Best Buy on time. But not Buy 1, I needed Best Buy #2.
Okay, I need the CIA for this. Someone needs to decipher what all this means because I am so lost and I have no idea how to interpret any of this. Why isn't there a letter with the first line but there are letters for the last three? I am so lost.
I think one night (or late evening, because it was only 5:11) I was so exhausted and sleep deprived that I deliriously made a note with the thought of, "Hutley is a cool last name, maybe I'll name my child that one day" before JUST realizing as I'm typing this that there is a flaw in choosing my future child's last name.
9. Another bizarre Target list
Okay, so this is probably the most normal note and the most bizarre note at the same time. It starts off with a basic condiment, like wow, maybe I am a normal human being. But the second item on the list is BONES. Hello? Am I the Grim Reaper? Or an orthopedist? But then things go back to normal with sandwich and melon. Was I just craving a honey mustard and bones sandwich with a side of melon?
10. Plain and simple
I'll start some of my notes with a dash before I start the actual note, so I'm really curious about what note I forgot to write here. Judging on the past nine notes, it probably wouldn't have been a good one.
Does everyone have weird stuff like this in their notes, or is it just me? Eh, I don't wanna know the answer to that question.