Since the time my parents allowed me to wear makeup, I have been the girl who gets up two hours early to pack on as much of it as I can. I guess there are a couple of reasons for this; One, I genuinely love make-up and two, my insecurities have convinced me that I can't leave the house unless I am covering up the face hidden underneath the foundation and mascara.
A few months ago, I began to recognize just how time-consuming this everyday process was. I mean there were so many other things I could be doing with this extra time: studying, catching up on work, having quiet times. Yet instead, I was spending so much time covering myself up. I also noticed that I was beginning to complain about how I wasn't absorbing things I was taking in during my personal quiet times with God. I would read my Bible, say a quick prayer and later complain about how I felt like I just rushed through it.
So, I made a decision. A decision to fast from make-up for a week. Now I know a week doesn't sound very long, but to me, that felt like a lifetime. I immediately tried to set all kinds of exceptions; Maybe just a little foundation or mascara, just not a "full-face." Once again, my insecurities were telling me that I couldn't do this; That people would stare and judge me as I walked by. I was so focused on my self and how this made me feel. Finally, I made the official decision that if I was fasting from make-up, I was fasting fully and completely.
To make this decision, I acknowledged the reasons I was fasting in the first place. One, to be more productive during this time and have deeper quiet times with God. And two, to grow closer to God during this time and rely on God to be secure. After acknowledging these two things, I began my week-long journey, and this is what I took from it.
First off, yes, it was hard. I didn't expect it to be easy. I have struggled my whole life with insecurities, and I knew that wouldn't be something to just go away. But still, I persisted. The very first thing I noticed as I was walking the streets of my College campus was that, well, nobody cared that I wasn't wearing makeup. Nobody stopped to stare or gave me any reason to believe that they were judging me. Again, this was just a fear that I let my insecurities convince me would become a reality. But, it just didn't.
Second, everyone who knew I was doing this fast knew how difficult it would be for me. They knew how hesitant I was about it. So, they were constantly encouraging me. After encouraging me that first couple of days, they acted as if they didn't even notice anything different from the rest of the week. This was something that I appreciated tremendously because it honestly helped me forget that I wasn't wearing makeup.
Finally, the question. Did I gain what I hoped to gain and did I benefit from the extra time?
Absolutely!
First of all, my relationship with God was greatly benefitted from this small decision. I found myself just praying and talking to God more. I was relying on him. This fast helped bring to light that I was putting my security in other things, and not in God. This is what I was most thankful for. I was able to accept the fact that only God has the true ability to make me feel secure. Everything else is temporary. I have to trust and lean on him.
With the extra time, I was able to advance in so many things. One, my quiet times were not rushed. I think because that was one of the main reason for the fast, it just helped to remind me to really embrace my time with God. I also just felt more productive throughout the week.
Now, I am not saying that things still weren't hard. There were still days when I felt like hiding and I felt as if my insecurities were just waiting to take control again. But I persisted and I prayed and I got through it.
This is the end result: Today I still have insecurities and they will never go away. But today, I am still finding my security in God. More days than not I walk out of the house without makeup, or at least without a complete "get every little detail" makeover. I put makeup on when I want because I enjoy it, but I constantly tell myself that I am just as capable of a day without makeup as I am with it.
Though the insecurities may be here to stay, I have gained security and trust in God throughout this process, and that to me is an ultimate win.
So, to all of you out there who are like me, you are beautiful. You are beautiful because you are you, and no insecurity will ever change that. Go a week without makeup, and find the impact that it can make in your life.