Around a year ago, I went to a party. To that party, I wore a dress. I wish that were the end of that story, but sadly, it isn't.
At the party, I was met with skeptical, judging eyes. I was told that my dress was too short, too tight. Perhaps the most chilling comment of all, though, was when one person questioned: "why would you wear that dress in a room full of grown men?"
The comment baffled me, disgusted me even. The real question wasn't why did I, but rather why shouldn't I. Are women seen so lowly in the eyes of others that we must cater to the male gaze? When a grown man looks at a young woman, why is it that her ethics and morals are questioned, rather than his disgusting and degrading behavior?
We have to change the way we look at women. This isn't a statement that should be controversial. We have to stop sexualizing every movement a woman takes, every choice a woman makes, and every word a woman says. We have to stop assuming that everything a woman does is to impress a man or impress others. We have to stop assuming that her very existence is based on the appeasement of others.
I know you've heard it all a thousand times before (hopefully). But a thousand times isn't enough. We need to keep saying it over and over until people understand that a woman is a human being, a person, an individual. We are not toys. We are people of value.
This isn't just a rant against egotistic men. I'm talking to other women as well. I'm talking to the women who look up and down as another woman wears a controversial dress, not saying a word but silently judging and condemning. I'm talking to the women who defend themselves pridefully, claiming, "I'm not like her. I have self-respect." You are a huge part of the problem. Every single time you bring another woman down for the choices she makes that don't harm anyone, you contribute to this hyper sexualization of women and degrading of our societal value.
Isn't it sad that a request for decency and humility is met with skepticism? Since when did treating other people with respect become a polarizing issue? I thought, at the very least, that we can agree that women are human beings worthy of respect. I didn't realize that was a pricey request.
I'm angered at our perception of what a "good" woman is. So what if she wears a lot of makeup? Honestly, I'm genuinely curious. If she wears makeup, in what way does the world crumble? In what way does chaos ensue? And the argument that she "is lying" or dishonest, to be frank, is the epitome of idiocy. It's rooted in the idea that she owes you an explanation for her behavior. It's rooted in the idea that a woman exists to cater to the gazes and desires of others. If you're really so utterly disgusted at her makeup, just turn around. Nobody asked you to look at her anyway.
All that I'm asking is simple. When you look at a woman, don't sexualize her. Don't degrade her. Don't hurt her. Be kind, be decent, and be respectful. And if she rejects you, for the love of the universe, do not think she owes you anything. Do not think you are entitled. She is her own, she is a human, and she is important. Remember that when you see a woman.
Above all, just remember that.