This is not a love note, nor is it a hate note, I don't even think you could call it a thank you note. Honestly, I have no idea what it is. Life changes in a split second, one day you have everything and the next day it is all gone. It happens when you least expect it to, like it or not. The thing is you have to take changes, you have to take risks because what kind of life are you living if you don't? You are gonna have tears, you are going to have heart breaks, you are going to have failure. In the end, you just have to get up, ice off the sadness and move on.

Moving on is hard sometimes - especially when you worked so hard for something and it fails. Sometimes you want it so much but it doesn't want you. So God closes that door in your life, even if you fight to keep it open, even if it drains the happiness out of you. You are told over and over to be strong but sometimes that just makes it all worse. People around you try to help you but you get more upset because that is not what you want to hear because you just want it all to be okay and go back to how it was before you lost or failed, but life doesn't work that way.

It is sometimes hard to get out of bed these days: you don't have the desire to interact with people, you don't have the appetite to eat anything, you just can't that day. That is okay, we all have those days, but we can't let it ruin us. There are a lot more tomorrows than there were yesterday's, and you can't dwell on it. I know I am contradicting myself because I dwell on it - I sit in my bed and I sulk and I cry and I throw my fist down pounding my mattress because I am angry. I have every right to act that way, butI can only allow myself to do that for so long before I have to move on and get over it.

It sucks when you want something and can't have it. It sucks when your hand is reaching out to grab it but it slipped away. Don't let yourself go back to that dark place, you can't do that to yourself. With every day it will get better. With every smile, you'll feel a sense of happiness. With every obstacle, you will feel a sense of "I got this." With every success, you will feel a sense of completeness.

It is okay to fail. It is okay to love someone. It is okay if you don't love that someone anymore. It is ok to hurt and feel like your world is falling down around you. But it will get better. That is what I have to think even if I am angry and sad that I have let that run my life forever because shit happens and there is nothing I can do about it. I will cry for a few days, then I will get my strength back and I will be ok because that is the only choice I have.