We Can Only Be Who We Are Right Now

We Can Only Be Who We Are Right Now

My first year of college is almost over and I’ve realized many things about myself.
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For the longest time, I would beat myself up because I wasn’t this or I wasn’t that. I didn’t feel smart, I didn’t feel beautiful and I didn’t feel like people liked me that much. I was trying to live for the moment and not worry about the past, but I was so caught up in all the partying and living for the weekend. I was almost making myself "have fun" when I just needed to relax and take time for myself. I got into a routine of not taking care of myself the way I deserved and needed. I didn’t demand people to treat me right — I had taken so many steps back and I felt like the high school girl that never stood up for herself.

College is weird like this. It is so relatable when people talk about how they struggle with transitioning or adjusting. Every college kid knows what I mean when I refer to “the struggle” and boy, is it real. I kept going back and forth with my confidence and happiness. I’m normally like that to an extent because I get sad over things easily, but I’m happy about simple things as well. This back and forth was a whole new level of constantly beating myself up. It wasn’t like I sitting around waiting for someone to dig me out of the mess, but I wasn't really helping my confidence by constantly beating myself up over everything. I'd tell myself I needed to be happy or I needed to try harder and none of it was ever enough. You really are your worst critic in this sense.

I put so much pressure and stress on myself that I couldn’t get any schoolwork done because I felt so much anxiety about accomplishing simple tasks. I made myself feel like I had to be happy and okay right then and there. I never let myself be a mess or take the time I needed to deal with all my emotions.

My first year of college is almost over, I’m going to be 19 soon and I’ve realized many things about myself. I need to let myself not be okay, I need to have breakdowns, I need to cry, I need to ask for help and I need to let people be there for me — and this is all okay. I can only be who I am right now. Living and growing up is all about learning to deal with life as it comes. There’s never going to be a time when everything is completely perfect. Life is going to be sh*t sometimes and it’s okay to not be okay. I’m so happy and thankful for everything and everyone in my life. I wouldn't change a single thing about this year because we really can only be who we are at the moment. I am Lindsey freaking Ocock and that alone is enough.

Cover Image Credit: Lindsey Ocock

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25 Things I'd Rather Do Than Work Over Spring Break

An extra week to catch up on money you've spent on half-priced apps.
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Realizing you have to work during Spring Break in college is like that time you figured out recess doesn't exist past middle school.

1. Fail out of community college.
2. Watch my bf play Fortnite 12 hours straight.
3. Sit behind home plate and get hit with a foul ball.
4. Be completely clueless about Greek life and show up to a male-only rush event.
5. Give up wine for the rest of my life.
6. Listen to my Kenyan professor explain how to get to Kenya everyday for another semester.
7. Change my name to Helga.
8. Get banned from Chick-Fil-A.
9. Babysit the girl off "Rings".
10. Eat salad everyday and gain weight.
11. Show up at an American themed party in a North Korean Shirt.
12. Be in a firework stand and someone light a cigarette.
13. Have a Chaco strap bust five miles into a hike.
14. Major in political science at a liberal college.
15. Have my front teeth knocked out.
16. Cut my own bangs again.
17. Register for Farmersonly.com.
18. Change my major for the seventh time.
19. Have another parking ticket appeal denied.
20. Mistake chewing tobacco for jerky chew and one-bite the whole can.
21. Be the girl that Cardi B thinks I said I would do something to her.
22. Go swimming in the middle of winter.
23. Wear a nylon, spaghetti strap tank top past 2010.
24. Have parent-teacher conferences in college.
25. Have my professor tell my mom she's never seen me before at the conference.
Cover Image Credit: Cosmopolitan

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5 Things I Learned My Freshman Year Of College

Almost everyone’s favorite year of college.
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Almost everyone’s favorite year of college. You meet tons of new people, your workload isn’t as heavy, you’re eating tons of food, and you’re happy… for now.

1. Not all the people you meet are going to be your best friend forever

Suddenly, you have a great group of friends that you study and go out with. You think these people are going to be at your wedding. But unfortunately, not all friendships last a lifetime. Like everyone says, as you get older, you realize who your true friends are.

2. School is way more important than partying

I wish I realized how important academics were my freshman year. I should have woke up for that 9 am class, instead of thinking I could catch up on my own and still get an A. I should’ve picked studying over a hang out I could attend any other day.

3. You will get that hangover

I was blessed with not waking up to a hangover every weekend. I thought I was invincible and I could drink all day/night long with no regrets. I ended up waking up to a hangover and throwing up in a bathroom at brunch.

4. Coffee is your life

Somewhere between all those late nights and early mornings, you fell in love.

5. It’s time to grow up

I realized that I was on my own in college and it was up to me to get my life together. I can't rely on my parents to do everything for me. I had to learn how to do things on my own and make good decisions.

Cover Image Credit: @brandymelvilleusa

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