It's strange to think that I'm halfway through my first year at Carnegie Mellon University, a small private university in Pittsburgh, PA. It's only been a few months, but I feel like so many things have happened that have changed me. These are five changes that have shaped me into who I am now:
1. I started wearing Crocs.
I remember when I was in middle school and I got my first pair of Crocs. They were in at the time, and I distinctly remember begging my mom, who was horrified by the sight of such ugly shoes, to let me get a pair. After wearing them for like one year, I chucked them to the back of my closet, never expecting to walk another step in them. After coming to CMU, I've seen more than a handful of people strutting around in Crocs and they looked so comfortable that I started wearing them. People stare at my feet and my friends ask me what in hell I'm wearing, but I can't care about social acceptance anymore. To be honest, they're pretty cute, too. I feel like an alligator while wearing them.
2. I found that I can sleep literally anywhere
Maybe if I were somewhere else, I'd be less comfortable just plopping myself down and sleeping anywhere, but since I feel relatively safe on Carnegie Mellon's campus, I sleep everywhere. One week, I found myself studying late into the night, so I slept on a chair in the library. As the week progressed, I only returned to my room to wash up and change. Each night, I would either sleep on the floor in the Gates Hillman Complex (the computer science building) or in the lounge of my dorm, since I was too lazy to climb into my bed. I found that I could literally just cover my face with my jacket and pass out anywhere. Sleep is now a beautiful thing that I crave 24/7.
3. I gained the freshman 20
The summer before college, I worked out daily to get in shape for college. I kept a good diet and exercise routine, thinking that I could keep up with it in college. But once I got here and once the work started piling up, I just let myself go. I let it all go. Instead of going to the gym, I opted for sleep. $800 of DineXtra cash, which is basically money that I can spend to buy groceries or food, additional to my meal plan, was all spent on snacks that I munched on throughout my long nights. No exercise + horrible eating habits made me gain all of freshman horrors: weight, stress, and acne. But since I'm young and vain, I am currently working on losing it all ( ಠ◡ಠ )
4. I actually miss the hometown that I previously hated
I used to despise my town. The football culture, the overly petty adults, the extremely obnoxious kids all made me bitter throughout my years living there. CMU doesn't emphasize football, or really any sport, so there's no real school sport culture, which I'm very happy about. But it's strange coming from a high school of around 500 to an institution with thousands of students. I don't miss the culture or people of my town, but I miss the familiarity: the railroads I used to walk on, the route I took to school daily, the hallways I roamed around, and basically just knowing I was within walking distance from home and family. Carnegie Mellon is really small, so the campus isn't hard to get to know, but there are so many people. It's a bit unsettling to think about, since I haven't been here long enough to establish a familiarity, but by the time I somewhat have one, I'll probably be graduating and moving on.
5. I tried forcing myself to love coding
I honestly didn't know how big of a deal computer science was at Carnegie Mellon before attending. Once I got here, I realized that Carnegie Mellon's most notable strength and focus was computer science. So I tried learning. I took a programming class and absolutely hated it. I got so pressured by everyone around me to learn and enjoy coding, by everyone who seemed to know how to code. I questioned my decision to attend Carnegie Mellon many times during my first semester, since everything in the school seemed to be geared towards computer science and engineering. Even though the other departments make up a large portion of the student body, I honestly felt overshadowed and inadequate because I wasn't "techy" enough. The main job fair mostly only recruited software engineers, computer scientists, and the like, so I tried changing my major and my interests toward that field. I tried being who I wasn't, which always ends up badly. I just suck at anything tech related, which I've come to accept. I'm never going to intern at glamorous companies like Google, Intel, Microsoft, but that's OK, since I can find internships in fields I genuinely enjoy.
Sometimes I still wonder if I belong at Carnegie Mellon or if I should transfer out, but I'm still happy I chose this place as my foundation. The people are so amazing, and everyone helps everyone else out, which I love, since I hate competition. I think college is a dynamic and integral period, one that shapes and makes us who we will be in the future and decides what life we'll lead. So I'll enjoy each and every experience I have now, whether it's good or bad, because I know that these are the moments that while shape me.