Commitment is hard to find within a relationship in this generation.
Many times relationships do not even start, but are rather stuck in the "almost" phase. Sometimes getting over someone you almost dated is just as hard or even harder than going through an actual break up.
Almost is a haunting world that will follow you around.
We almost dated. We almost were a couple. We almost were in love. We almost could have been together. We were almost forever. He was almost mine. I almost had him.
Almost.
You are stuck thinking about all that could have been, but now you will never know because your almost relationship ended before it even started. You never got the chance to see all that could have been. Instead, you are stuck making up scenarios in your head of what you would have wanted. In the end this will only hurt you more because you romanticize a non-existent relationship with no flaws, but in the end you still feel as if you were not enough.
When you are stuck in this almost situation that comes to a tragic end you cannot help but feel as if it was all your fault. You start replaying every moment on repeat in your mind-- finding flaws in everything you said and did making you feel as if you were not enough.
He ends it with you telling you “it’s not you, it’s me” and he is right. This time, it is him and not you.
You will be at a constant war with yourself, driving yourself crazy trying to figure out where you went wrong, but you never did go wrong. He made you feel as if you were special and something was there. In the end he was not in it for the long haul and you were just someone who he kept around to help time pass faster. As you spend your days and nights crying over the boy who you never dated, but still broke your heart, he will be moving on.
One day, he will find someone new. You will cry out more tears than you ever knew you had trapped up inside of you. He will be happy and you will still be stuck in the same place he left you because girls think about forever since the moment you meet someone new while boys just think in the moment.
You were not enough for him, but you deserved more.
He will no longer be a part of your future. All those late nights of sitting in your bed crying and re-reading old conversations will start to end. He will not longer be a part of your present. Your smile will slowly learn how to start making it’s way across your face again. He will become a part of your past.
Eventually, you too will move on. You will find someone who appreciated your worth. He will see you happy and a small part of his heart will break because then he too will realize your worth.
In the end were always enough for him, but still deserved more.