I Was The Last Person My Little Sister Came Out To
Start writing a post
Politics and Activism

I Was The Last Person My Little Sister Came Out To

I was hurt and confused, but I realized that this wasn't about me.

I Was The Last Person My Little Sister Came Out To
Kassandra Mendoza

I remember the day so clearly. My best friend was driving me home from her house and it was a particularly dark summer night before our freshman year of college.

I had noticed that her and my younger sister, Sophie, had been having a lot of "private chats" recently. I, as nonchalantly as possible, said to my friend, "You know, I am one of four daughters, so statistically one of us is probably a lesbian, right? My money is on Soph."

I knew that my friend was a bad liar and if she knew anything, I would find out pretty easily. My friend confirmed what I had always known-- my little sister loved girls. The second she admitted what my little sister had shared with her, I had a sinking feeling in my stomach. I had friends come out to me in the past, but it is so much different when it is your family. There is nothing in all the ally training that had prepared me for this.

I went through so many emotions and thoughts during the remainder of that car ride that I don't even remember what I said or what my best friend said to me.

1. Relief

I finally had definite confirmation. I had been pondering this topic for so long independently, and I am not the type just to let something like that go. To no longer need to devote that much brain power to speculation anymore was like a weight lifted off my shoulders.

2. Panic

All at once, I realized all the societal implications of being a part of the LGBTQA+ Community, and I was terrified for my sister. If I was having such an extreme reaction to this information, and I considered myself an LGBTQA+ ally, how was everyone else going to react? I realized how deeply heteronormativity had been ingrained into society.

3. Anger

I was mad that she had told my friend before she had told me. Sophie and I were incredibly close, and so why would she not tell me? I had always shown support for all the LGBTQA+ people in our lives and had been outspoken about my support and acceptance. She had to have known that I would still love her.

I carried anger with me the longest. When Sophie came out to our immediate family, I was in college and I was the last person she told. I was supportive and I told her I still loved her regardless and this really didn't change a thing about how I viewed her.

The experience was positive, but I was confused and I was hurt. I felt like I wasn't a significant enough person to be told. I felt like she didn't trust me.

What I didn't realize is this wasn't about me not being trusted or not being significant enough. I was only concerned about how I was feeling and wasn't seeing it from her side.

"I found coming out to you the hardest. I've looked up to you my whole life and telling you that I am different form what you have known me as was hard. I felt like I was lying to you and everyone for years" - Sophie

I wasn't considering how scary it was for her to potentially lose someone every time she came out to a new person and how this was augmented with people who mean a lot to you.

"I was scared, even though I knew you would still love me, that you would think of me differently. I only had two close support systems at the time: the girl I was dating and my family. Everytime I told another family member, it got scarier becuase I always thought of the worst case scenerio, and that was losing the support from my small but strong group." - Sophie

She needed to be ready. This was about her, not me. I needed to take myself out my place and put myself into hers to see that this really was not the place to be putting all my negative energy.

I share this story because I could never understand people who got overly emotional about their family member coming out before it happened to me. Even equipped with all my knowledge, I still had an extremely emotional experience with this.

I want to open people's eyes to see that even though it may be shocking or you might be hurt by the order or manner in which they come out if they do at all, it is probably ten times harder for the person coming out. Coming out is the last part they have complete control of, and then the ball is in your court and you get to dictate where the situation goes from there.

It is OK to struggle with it at first. It is OK to seek out support, whether that be through community resource, online groups, or other people who know. Just remember, at the end of the day, it is all about supporting them through the hard times and reminding them you love them and you are there for them.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

Being a pharmacy technician never held as many risks as it does now. Exposure too hazardous conditions were little to none, and garbing up was only conducted in IV compounding. But, now, in order to give nurses the medications they need to help their patients, they need us, pharmacy technicians.

Keep Reading... Show less

With no sign of the pandemic going anywhere, brides and grooms who planned to be married in 2020 are forced to opt for plan B — if not plan C or D. While some are downsizing their in-person weddings to meet coronavirus guidelines and state restrictions, others are choosing to cancel theirs until further notice and some, well, they're embracing the virtual "I do."

A few weekends ago, I had the pleasure of attending a Zoom wedding for my friend and fellow editor and writer, Kristin Magaldi, and the short-but-sweet ceremony left me in happy tears (surprise surprise). In order to get the scoop on what exactly went into planning a virtual wedding, I asked Kristin to share her best tips so other couples know exactly how to have a Zoom wedding in case they're looking to lean into the video chat vows, too.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

11 Reasons Why Getting A Cat Is The Best Thing You Can Do For Your Mental Health

Cats may mess up your puzzles but they'll always love you unconditionally — as long as you have some catnip, that is.

Scout Guarino

Alright, everyone, it's time to stop spreading the rumor that all cats are mean, aloof, and hate everyone. Like dogs, each cat has its own personality and tendencies. Some like a lot of attention, some like less — each person has to find the right cat for them. As for me, my cats Bienfu and Reptar have seen me at my worst, but they've also helped pull me out of it. They're a constant in my life and they give me the strength to get through the day in spite of my depression, and there's even scientific evidence to support it!

Keep Reading... Show less
Photo by Risen Wang on Unsplash

Maybe it was the quarantine months that sent you on a quest to finally find a workout routine that works for you, or maybe it was the lack of routine in the world that inspired you to change your habits or -for some- keep them and make an effort to maintain your health. If gyms were not already evolving with the new needs of the 21st-century gymgoer, they are undoubtedly evolving now with the lifestyle mindset that Covid-19 has left many of us with — a desire for a plan for a positive change seeing that tomorrow is not guaranteed.

The experience that an individual gets out of going to the gym should feel worth their time, energy, and should meet their specific fitness journey goals. If you do not already have a reason to go to the gym, here are ten genius effective implementations that will inspire even the couch-iest potato.

Keep Reading... Show less

I've always been a huge Disney villain fan — whether it was for their cryptic one-liners, enviable outfits, or sidekick banter. Some of the most iconic lines from cinematic history have been said by the characters we love to hate and occasionally dress up as once a year.

The fear-mongering Gaston I now find hilariously cringe-worthy is now charming and oftentimes considered by fans as rightfully justified in his actions. Die-hard fans of the Disney villain fan club claim alternate egos in their favorite evil characters, adopting their hilarious witticisms into everyday life.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

5 Characters From Your Childhood That Combated The Mental Health Stigma

We deserve to see people like us on the big screen just as much as you do.

Perks of Being a Wallflower

Growing up with a neurodevelopment disorder and mental illness, it's easy to feel isolated from the rest of the world. It is not common to look around and see someone that experiences situations similar to the ones you endure. Even if you do come across a person that is also perceived to be "different" in the eyes of society, the negative connotations instilled in everyday life are quick to silence your voice and knock you down before you have a chance to realize that who you are is more than okay--it's normal. This is a big reason why anything that brings understanding and shines a light on what people with neurodevelopment disorders and mental illness go through on a regular basis comes around a sense of relief and happiness fills the body.

In light of this, I went on a hunt to find characters in television and cinema that accurately portray the complexities of developmental disorders and mental health.

Keep Reading... Show less

Anyone who goes to Panera Bread will tell you that their mac and cheese is to die for. If you're a huge fan of their mac and cheese, you won't believe the new recipe they're coming out with!

Keep Reading... Show less

Epic Activewear Deals Every Leggings-Lover Needs To Know About From Nordstrom's Biggest Sale

Wearing my pleather Alo leggings till someone physically removes them from my body.

I'll be the first to admit I'm not an athletic person, at all. Since junior high school, I've been happily cheering my friends on at their football games and soccer matches from the sidelines as long as I could go home to my yoga mat and spend Sunday mornings at Pilates with my mom's friends.

Weekends are often spent in my casual wear, from the second I throw them on for morning meditation through running errands and evening walks. No, I won't be running a marathon or joining my friend's volleyball league anytime soon.

Keep Reading... Show less

I Asked My Boyfriend His Opinion On Liking Other Girls’ Pictures, And, Spoiler Alert, It's Cheating

"When you get into a relationship and you're in love, you have to realize that liking photos is for the single lifestyle."

Ladies, listen up. If you are in a relationship with a guy and he is liking other girls' pictures on social media, then it's a red flag. A man who can look at someone else and show interest by liking it means he doesn't care about your feelings AT ALL.

Keep Reading... Show less

Luxury Fashion Buys Your Bank Account Couldn’t Justify Till This Year’s Nordstrom Anniversary Sale

In case you needed another reason to get the Prada sunnies you've been eyeing all year.

Since I can remember first flipping through my older cousin's fashion magazines as an 8-year-old, I've always had several luxury items on my wish list of items I knew I'd never have, but loved to fantasize about.

As I grew into financial independence later in life, the list grew longer, but the ways in which I could toy with my grocery or travel budget for a month to make room for something I really wanted made the items on it more attainable. Even then, I will (virtually) visit an item online several times in the span of a year to test if I still like it months after eyeing it, and to see if by any chance it may have gone on sale.

Keep Reading... Show less

10 Curvy Women Of Color On Instagram Who Inspired Us All To Take More Confident Lingerie Selfies

Learn to embrace your body and stop comparing yourself to the "beauty" standard with the help of these beautiful models and bloggers.

It's not every day that you scroll on your timeline and see a body that resembles your own. With a beauty standard that has conditioned the minds of society to exclaim confidence!

When a fuller figure posts on social media — as if it's an extreme act of bravery to show yourself off if you're not under a size 6 — it's about time we take back our power and learn that we are enough just the way we are.

Keep Reading... Show less

First and foremost, shame on you for encouraging the patriarchy and sexism as you police a female's clothing choices. You cannot control our bodies, but what you can advocate for is public health and safety. This includes demoralizing rape, slut-shaming, and protecting society from illness.

Keep Reading... Show less

Picture this, we're settling into our date, the conversation is flowing, we're ordering drinks, laughing, and then it happens... the job convo.

Him: "So what do you do?"
Me: "I'm a dating and relationships editor."

Keep Reading... Show less

TikTok was banned by the president, but Instagram is here with its newest feature called Reel. Many of us are still wondering why TikTok was being banned in the first place. Was it all the dangerous TikTok trends? It was because of a security concern, but not in the way you might think.

TikTok is owned by Dancebyte, which is a China-owned company. Basically, just like any other app, TikTok collects the user's data. The main question to ask yourself when investing in any app or marketing tools who will be owning my data? So yes, China currently owns all the TikTok user's data worldwide.

Keep Reading... Show less

- I have extremely sensitive skin, which is why I have always resorted to a plant-based organic beauty line such as Radha Beauty.

- Radha Beauty won me over years ago when I was looking for organic skincare brands.

- I was so excited to see they launched a new line incorporating USDA organic rosehip oil, so when their PR team sent me some, I could not have been more thrilled.

- After a week of using the products, my face felt as smooth as a baby's, looked more glowy than ever, and even cured some of my summer sunburn.

Radha Beauty isn't just a best-selling beauty brand on Amazon — it's a USDA-certified organic beauty brand I live by, and anyone who knows me knows I am all about holistic wellness.

Typically, it only takes three days for me to tell if a skin product is working or not because I have extremely sensitive skin. It's also why I have always stuck by plant-based organic beauty lines such as Radha Beauty.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments