I always loved to journal. No matter what age I was, writing was always my escape. Looking back it brings me nostalgia to read through these, it brings me some sorrow, but it also brings me great joy. Because even though I didn't understand it all then, it makes perfect sense now. And even though I know what I know now, it's amazing how much I knew then, that I forgot about now. The wise words of my past, serve now as an encouraging light to the future.
But enough about that, let's take a look inside shall we?
"I think falling in love with myself will be a lifelong process, but maybe I'll fall in love with someone along the way and we can learn to love ourselves the way we love each other."
"Life is so funny. I don't understand it, and I just want to be free. I want the waves of life to carry me to beautiful islands, especially the non-traditionally beautiful islands. I want to live through my soul, not my body. I want to love my body, but find worth in my soul. I want to radiate sunshine and happiness, but most importantly hope. Because hope can never go to waste."
"You know that saying, "if you love something let it go, if it comes back to you it's yours, if not, it never was." Well, that quote is exactly what happened to me. But it wasn't a person, it was life. I loved life so much that I had to let it go to find out I was meant to be in love with it all along. I had to break life's heart and my own to realize that I was always meant to love to live."
"Why? Why am I so quick to label myself as anything but human? I quickly label myself as worthless, a burden, a monster. When really, the truth is that I am an imperfect human and that is okay. And I am deeply, and undeniably loved."
"I don't know, there's not much I do know. But something tells me so, that someday we'll be alright though. What do you think? Do you believe this world is dirt and we're all dust? Or do you think we're human, and maybe...pain is just a must in order to grow. We need storms, so someday we can all float into the sky, and become rainbows."
"Do we lose our worth when we're broken? Or does our brokenness show us how much we've always been worth?"
"Your smile is as bright as the moon. Even on days when you only see the gloom. Guess what? I can still see, the real you."
"I am beautiful even when I cannot see it for myself."
"Promise me, that even if you forget the sunshine. You'll remember that the sunshine will never forget you."
"Sadness is weird. How it just hits out of nowhere. A giant wave of overwhelming pain. Suddenly I'm suffocating, drowning, and paralyzed. The pain is overflowing, pouring out of my soul as it seeps in at the same time. There is no safe ground, no hiding place. Sadness, loves a chase. But what sadness doesn't know, is that the love that overflows from this earth, is strong enough to cast out, every bit of our demons screams and shots. Love is louder than my demons. Pain is temporary, but love is endless. Sadness is powerful, weird, and confusing; but love- is more than all of that. Sometimes I forget there is sunshine, but the sunshine has never forgotten me and that is something I can always count on. Because no matter how many nights the sadness comes, the sunshine always rises again and engulfs me with the love of this imperfect world."
"But what if.. what if it does get better? What if the pain that feels neverending, doesn't last forever? What if slowly you start to heal, and instead of numbness you start to feel? What if beyond the darkness, the is a light that is real? So maybe your faitj is crushed and your hope is dwindling, but maybe if you hold on just a little longer you'll see. This world isn't after you or me. You're never too far gone, and all that has been lost can come back strong."
"Do not run from the light, choose it. It will set you free."
Looking back now, I guess you could say I always knew that the darkness wasn't where I was meant to stay. I fought it for a long time- the light. But slowley and surely, I began to trust it. And now hear I am, a former member of the dark, now a liver of the light, here to tell you what I tried telling myself all along; that when you're ready for the sunshine to come back, all you have to do is open your eyes because it never... it never really left.