As the new year has just started, it's a great time to reflect on the past and make expectations for the future. As I look back to where I was a year ago today, I remember happily being a month into my first relationship and gradually falling more in love with someone who I now consider a stranger. This happy relationship became worse and worse as months went by because of my emotionally controlling partner. However, as awful as it was for my mental health, I had a hard time seeing the signs of the abuse, even though it was pointed out to me by both my friends and my partner. I continued denying the facts and really ignored the real issue of the situation with the hopes that it would all work out.

So looking toward future relationships, I will always know the signs of emotional abuse that I have faced before. Here are a few that you should look out for in your own relationships and bring up with your partner, whether you are the victim or the abuser.

They don't allow you to make your own decisions.

This was a constant thing that happened in my relationship. Whether it was wanting to go out with friends or even spend more time with family, I was almost always being told that those decisions were wrong of me. My ex often told me that I had to choose between him and spending time with other people in my life, but didn't really give me an actual choice in the matter.

They distance you from other personal relationships.

I remember my ex telling me that he didn't like many of my friends, many of whom he had not met. He thought of them as bad influences, because they took up time that I should have been devoting to him. I was also told not to talk about any "issues" we were having with my other close friends because that was a private thing, which made it that much harder to realize the extent of the problem.

They blame you for all of their problems.

Throughout my relationship I was blamed for many things that were either not my fault at all or not entirely my fault. I was the sole reason for lower than expected grades, anxiety attacks, missing out on experiences, etc. I may have had an impact on some of these things, but I should not have received the entirety of the blame for every single instance of them.

They criticize your difference in opinions from their own.

Countless times I hid my true feelings about different things just to avoid the reaction that my ex would give if they were mentioned. This is extremely unhealthy, as a person should be able to express any thoughts in a relationship without harsh criticism.

They hold out on sex or affection as a form of punishment.

Now, this doesn't refer to the times when your partner just doesn't feel like having sex, because that is perfectly normal. This is referring to statements like "I won't kiss you because you _________" or "If you do _________ I won't have sex with you for the rest of the weekend." A partner holding out on affection can cause you to feel very worthless.

Their mood changes frequently and unpredictably.

People get moody, but having absolutely no clue what a person is going to be like emotionally from one part of a conversation to the next is emotionally draining. It makes you have to tiptoe through conversations to avoid upsetting them and causes a manipulation of your thoughts.

There are a lot of different signs of emotional abuse in relationships that I didn't mention. These are just a few that I experienced frequently. If you or your partner see any of these signs in your own relationship, then bring them up and try to fix them. It's just really important to make sure that you use resources to help solve the problem or get out of it if that's what's best for you.