7 Warning Signs Of An Abusive Relationship

7 Warning Signs You're In An Abusive Relationship

With October coming up as National Domestic Abuse Awareness Month, here are 7 signs that you or someone you know is an abusive relationship.

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I was in an abusive relationship two years ago, and all of these signs showed up.

1. Gaslighting

Blaming you for their actions. For example, "I only hit you because the way you dress makes me so mad".

2. Teasing (turning into bullying)

In the beginning, teasing may seem fun and cute, but if your S/O is still teasing you months into the relationship, especially about things you're insecure about, this is not okay. For example: "You're a little chubby. You could lose ten pounds".

3. Isolation

Sometimes the abuser will make sure that you don't go anywhere or that you are constantly with them. They will always try keep you occupied by you being with them. They will also make sure you are not on your phone as much as possible.

4. Paranoia about you or what you're doing

The abuser will always be paranoid about you or what you're doing. They'll always ask who you're texting, talking to, what you're doing. They'll even accuse you of cheating, lying, or being disloyal when you haven't been.

5. Jealousy

They are always jealous of the people you're around. My ex freaked out when he saw a guy come up to me in the library and talk to me. He even got jealous and beat me when my brother wanted to go out to dinner with me.

6. Threats

The abuser will make threats to keep you to stay or to intimidate you. For example, "I'll tell everyone you cheated on me if you tell people I hit you" (when you haven't cheated).

7. Jekyll and Hyde personality

An abuser will have a Jekyll and Hyde personality. They will be happy, romantic, sweet, and charming one minute; and the next angry, abusive, mean, and frightening.

Please, PLEASE, if you or someone you know, if you even suspect that you or someone else is an abusive relationship, please tell someone- like the authorities, or call the domestic abuse hotline at 1-800-799-7723.

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Why You Should Stop Chasing Him

You deserve better.
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They say “the thrill of the chase" makes someone more enticing. There's just something about wanting something you can't have that drives you crazy (in a good way). There is never a dull moment. Pursuing him is a challenge. Nothing comes easily. What's the fun in that anyway?

I'm going to tell you this: stop chasing him. Stop forgiving him when he forgets to answer your text messages and phone calls. Stop being the one to always make plans. Stop letting him bail on you. Stop waiting around for him. Stop being lied to. Stop making excuses when he doesn't make time for you. There is a difference between someone who is “hard to get" and a flat out jerk who doesn't give you the time of day. Stop letting him use you.

You deserve to be with someone who makes you fall asleep every night in the middle of texting him because neither of you want the conversation to end. You deserve someone who plans dates for the two of you. You deserve someone who asks you to hang out before midnight. You deserve someone who wants to spend time with you just as much as you do with them. You deserve someone who insists on paying for your ice cream. You deserve someone who won't deceive you. You deserve someone who is straightforward. You deserve attention. You deserve affection. You deserve a partnership that is mutual, not one-sided. You deserve to be chased.

You are better than 3 a.m. “Hey" texts. You are better than a night spent watching a movie just to fool around. You are better than trying to decode his vague messages. You are better than his shadiness. You are better than mind games. You are better than being ignored.

If you have to chase him, he's not worth it. Don't settle for someone who makes you beg for his attention. If he is genuinely interested in getting to know you, he will put in the effort. A relationship where your feelings are reciprocated is far more rewarding than one where you constantly feel like you have to drag him along.

Change your mentality. Become more independent. Be confident, be bold. Find happiness in being alone. Don't waste your time pathetically chasing after someone who doesn't feel the same, but doesn't have the heart or the courage to tell you so. Your self-confidence and positivity will make you radiant, and eventually, you will attract the kind of guy who is mature enough to not mess with your head.

Cover Image Credit: weheartit.com

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The Easiest Way To Get Over A Breakup

Laying in your pajamas is not going to fix everything.

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Breakups suck. There is no other way to say it. But... the good thing about breakups is that they can be seen as a good thing rather than a bad thing. I think the first step to getting over a breakup is to take time to grieve. Your life is going to be different. A whole person is removed from your life. Removed from your routine.

It's OK to take a day to be sad.

I usually take one to two days to be sad and eat a lot of food. You can't just skip over the loss and think that you will recover. You can't do that. Take your two or so days to be sad. No longer than a week. Don't wallow in your dirty, crumb covered sheets.

Once you have taken your grieving time, get your butt up.

Take a shower and leave your house. Put on your favorite outfit and do whatever you need to to make yourself feel better. Go do something. It can be something as small as getting a coffee or walking with friends. Do something with people. Don't become a recluse and isolate yourself.

Do not post on social media.

It is SO tempting to tweet about how sad you are or post a sad snap but don't. Don't let your ex have that much power over you. Don't give them the satisfaction of how sad you are without them. They are going to move on, so you should too. You should also mute them or unfollow your ex. There is no reason to get upset every time you open your phone and see their face. It's not "childish" or "petty" it's smart.

You have to put yourself first and be selfish at this time.

Once you allow yourself to climb out of your dark hole of pity, jump back into life. Keep your chin up and keep going. The best way to "win" in the breakup is to be happy and move on without them. You may fall, you will get random slip-ups of sadness, but you will be OK. Take what you have learned in the relationship and remember that part. Notice what worked and what didn't.

You are fine, it's just a breakup not the end of the world. You got this.

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