I have a journal that is filled with quotes. Thirty five pages, actually. I have kept it for almost four years -- I started writing in it as a sophomore in high school. I love quotes. I never really knew how to word how I feel -- I am still figuring it out -- and so quotes were a way for me to understand my emotions. So, I started writing down quotes that meant something to me. Words that resonated in my heart, made me wistful, sad, inspired. Words that mattered. Words that were me. Four years later, I am still writing in the journal. I still look at the quotes. They still matter.

There is one from F. Scott Fitzgerald that is hitting me pretty sincerely at the moment: "I fell in love with her courage. Her sincerity. And her flaming self-respect. And it's these things I'd believe in, even if the world indulged in wild suspicions that she wasn't all she should be. I love her and it is the beginning of everything."

I cannot help but realize that I fall out of love with myself easily. I love myself, I respect myself, I feel pretty good most of the time. Yet, I don't always believe in myself. I don't always see that the things that I am doing are good or helpful. I don't always see worth in myself. And that sucks, doesn't it?

I am afraid of failures. Actually, scratch that -- I am not afraid of failure itself, but I worry that failure indicates future inadequacy. I don't like failing because I don't want it to reflect my aspirations. I don't want to fail as a teacher later on in life because I got a 75 on a historical essay. I don't want to worry about being a mom because I couldn't get a middle schooler to listen to me.

Loving yourself is hard. Knowing that you are worth it all is hard to grasp. I want to be sincere. I want to be courageous. I want to consume myself in flaming self-respect. It's not always easy. I think it's worth it, though.

I want to fall in love with myself. I don't want to always focus on my flaws, or shortcomings, or bad hair days. I have all of those, but they do not define me. My beginning does not start until I acknowledge it. I am not working towards something until I can believe that I am able to work towards something. My insecurities cannot be my downfall, they cannot be where my story ends, they cannot be the quotes that I give to this world.

Life is meaningful and so am I. I have so much to offer this world, and myself. I have to remind myself that. You have to remind yourself that, as well. There is more to give than a few failures. There is enough love to give to also love yourself.

I love myself, and that is the beginning of everything.