Want Him To Want You?

Want Him To Want You?

Here's exactly what you need to do.
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There’s a chance you’ve clicked on this article looking for a prophetic solution as to why you didn’t land that second date. There’s also a higher chance you’re a family member and clicked this link through Facebook (Hi, Aunt Michelle!).

I’ll continue on as if it’s the first one.

If you’ve come for a comprehensive step-by-step guide then you’ve come to the wrong place.

If you’ve come for a tutorial (…because no matter how shatterproof Legally Blonde made the iconic “Bend and Snap” look, it’s not as clinically proven as it has been marketed) then you should exit the tab now.

If you ask me, instruction manuals are for things like cars, the back of fancy shampoo bottles. cookbooks that you gift as a polite-and-indirect-way of telling Maureen her cooking sucks. And, the last time I checked, those things are all objects. You are not.

You are not an object in the sense that you are not an entity in someone else’s possession. You are not an end-point goal of another’s game. And romantic courtship has morphed into just that - a competitive sport.

There are weird calculations and subtle, unconscious moves. There are pings of excitement when he views your witty caption on your snapchat story. It’s a text back, but not too quickly. It’s a inch closer, but not too much, because it could drive him away. Check mate, god damnit. Remind me again when this become so hard?

And some swear they know the ins and the outs. But, just like that kid who swore he knew the Mario Kart cheats and a shortcut to Rainbow Road, they all end up falling off course.

I’ve had so many people come to me with lengths that go to the extreme about troubled situations concerning whether or not a man is interested in them. He’s sleeping with you, but he doesn't want to be exclusive. He tells you that you’re the type of girl that he would bring home to his family, but you have yet to see the cabinets on his kitchen wall.

Things can get real messy too. For example, Katie paints a vivid prolific picture to me of Brad. Brad is a down-to-earth, wholesome frat boy who loves his family (as any frat boy would), but never called back. A couple more questions about frat boy Brad and I learn that he was very, very intoxicated when they met. He also called Katie Christine a couple of times throughout the night, but nonetheless, according to Christine - I mean Katie - love ensured.

Something is so similar about these stories at the core. A daunting, insecurity that screams: "Can I make someone else like me as much as I like them?"

And if that resounding chorus isn’t bad enough, I’ve seen so many girls try to change who they are to match what a man seems to want. I’ve seen them quiet themselves, I’ve seen them become emotionally distant. I’ve seen them give themselves to people who didn’t deserve it.

The truth that lies here is that 1) There is nothing you can do to convince a person to become interested in you.

And 2) Refer back to the previous statement.

As hard as that is to hear, I too, have stood in countless grocery store lines with headlines that point to the answers. How to get him to ask you out! Exclamation point!

And I almost pick them up knowing what they’ll all say inside.

Let your body language do the talking. Be flirty. Make him chase you.

Twirl your hair around your index finger like a schoolgirl while jumping up and down on one leg. Do this and be sure to not break eye contact with him.

And if that doesn't work? One of three options. Black magic. Hook up with his best friend in the dark corner of a party while he is there to make him jealous. Or, finally, behind door three is an all-inclusive roundtrip to die a sad, miserable life alone.

But, instead of those three easy solutions, you probably choose to do what the rest of us do. You internalize a situation. You sit there and wonder if it was something you did or didn’t do. You gnaw at your own arm as you type out had a good time tonight. Backspace. Too casual. I had a good time tonight. Just right.

You, altogether, blame yourself.

The right man will text you back regardless of your punctuation use. The right man will make the effort to be with you. The right man will know that it wasn’t because you chose the red or the black dress to wear out - it’s the things that are as easily showcased as the fabric on your body. The right man knows intellect, your drive, your empathy, your charisma are pieces of you that could be offered to the man standing next to him if he lets you go.

And if that isn’t enough then I'll leave with this thought. Imagine a room comprised of only doors. You could spend your entire life standing outside one that is vacant, hoping, praying that someone will open it.

Or you could pick up you stuff, move to the next door down, and try again.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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Plan These 13 Dates For Your Girlfriend This Fall And Thank Me Later

Listen up, guys.

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If you are a boy and you are reading this, plan one of these dates and you'll make your girlfriend the happiest person alive. Yeah, you can thank me later.

1. Go to a pumpkin patch.

This may be super basic but who doesn't want a cute little pumpkin around Halloween time. Usually, you will take a hayride to the pumpkin patch which is always a nice time to spend together. It will also be really cute seeing how excited she gets over finding the perfect little pumpkin.

2. Go on a hayride.

If you go to a pumpkin patch you may have the opportunity to go on a hayride and you definitely should! You will get to see all around the farm and the scenery is usually beautiful in the fall with the leaves changing colors!

3. Go apple picking.

This date will always allow for a cute photo shoot opportunity and everyone will be able to see your Insta post later captioned "the apple of my eye." Also, if you love apples what better place to get them then a local farm where you pick them yourself! Make sure you check your local farm to see when your favorite apples will be ready for harvest!

4. Bake something together.

There are so many amazing recipes for fall, apple pie being one of them. Which will be the perfect thing to bake with your S.O. after apple picking (two dates in one)!

5. Go to a local festival.

No matter where you are from there are probably a ton of local festivals around you throughout the fall. Whether it is a food festival, fall fest, music festival or even a lantern festival all of them are usually a perfect date. You can experience new things together and enjoy the fall weather.

6. Go to a football game.

Whether it is high school, college, or a professional football game any football is good football in the fall. Between a fun tailgate and an exciting game, if you are into sports football is the way to go.

7. Walk or hike around a state park.

No matter where you are from there are always state parks around you! Fall is the perfect time to go on an outdoor because it's not too hot to too cold. The scenery is always beautiful with all of the leaves changing colors. If there is a lake you could always go kayaking or paddle boating!

8. Visit your local farm.

A lot of local farms have fresh veggies, apples, baked goods and of course pumpkins! Also, check and see if your local farm has any fall family days. On those days they usually have a lot of fun activities, animals, hayrides, corn mazes, pumpkins and if you're lucky they'll have amazing apple cider donuts!

9. Stay in for a cozy movie day.

With Freeform starting their 31 days of Halloween this leads to the perfect excuse for a night on the couch. Pick out your favorite Halloween movie, make some popcorn and have some warm apple cider while cuddling up on the couch.

10. Visit a haunted house.

If you are down for something a little scarier then a Halloween movie, check out a haunted house near yours. It could even be a haunted hayride or haunted corn maze.

11. Take her out to breakfast.

Girls are always down for a cute breakfast date. Especially when you can roll out of beds in your sweats and keep them on in the cozy fall weather.

12. Spend a night carving pumpkins.

Once Halloween rolls around you should grab a cheap carving supplies kit, roll up your sleeves, and carve a cute pumpkin together. Whether you write your initials or create a jack-o-lantern it will probably be full of fun memories of pulling out pumpkin guts.

13. Go to a Halloween party.

Take some time and hit up Pinterest for a super cute couples costume and eat all the candy you possibly can!

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You Can Never Go Back To Who You Were Before You Were Cheated On

A slideshow of what they did, what it must have looked like, begins to play on loop behind your eyes.

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Immediately, the thought of it becomes unbearable. It constricts the brain, depriving it of oxygenated happiness until slowly your joyful loving memories begin to blackout in your head. That's when it begins. Like the lights dimming in a theater, once all else fades, a slideshow of what they did, what it must have looked like, begins to play on loop behind your eyes. Every bite of the lower lip, every euphorically strained facial expression, every second of decadent ecstasy.

As other thoughts begin to seep back in and the lights go back up, every scene ignites like gunpowder in the back of your skull. It isn't just sadness anymore, it's pain that burns your mind and radiates through every nerve in your fragile body. The smoke clears and you can think about other things again, but the inferno has left the ashes imprinted on the inside of your eyelids. Every time you close your eyes, you see it all again.

Of course, you didn't actually see any of it. It's all just what your psyche, in the fragile state it's in, imagines it to have been like. You would think that helps, not actually having seen it, but it doesn't. It doesn't give you the certainty of fact, the assurance of exactly how it happened as observed. No, now since you're left to recreate the scenes in your mind, the ash impressions on your eyelids are exaggerated. You assume that every single thing that could have happened to make it worse, did. You fill in spaces unnecessarily, adding dreadful detail that may or may not be correct (though you are convinced it is) everywhere you can.

It's only a matter of time before you start examining and over-examining every single detail of both your relationship and what happened.

Were they willing to do this to you the whole time you were dating? Remember that day early on? When you drove through the October mist, windows down and music blaring as you both screamed the lyrics to your favorite songs through the cool damp night?

That first time you said those dreaded three words once the beat faded and you pulled up to the house just giggling and smiling at each other, then you kissed under the stars? Did that mean anything to them at all? Did they really love you back then? Do they love you now? They keep saying they do.

How could they love you? How could anyone? You're unlovable. You're not good enough, you will never be enough for them. That's why they did what they did. At least, that's what you keep telling yourself. It's what keeps ringing through your ears in the recreated tone of their voice. Even as the months pass or sometimes even years, the words will still reverberate off the prison cell bars of your skull.

You'll only be convinced of it more and more as time passes and you find yourself still single. Your confidence after what happened will be nothing more than the gum stuck to the bottom of their shoe, constantly getting crushed again and again by their full weight. You'll become convinced that nobody will ever love you again, that you have nothing to love, that nobody would ever conceivably want to be in a relationship with you ever again.

And then someone does. They're sweet, they're caring, and most importantly, they make you happy. Things progress just as they normally would, only with one difference. You still bare the scar of being cheated on. You'll find yourself, early on at least, questioning if this new person in your life really means what they say and if you can trust them. You'll start drawing comparisons between their words and actions and that of your former partner. You'll find it hard to trust again. You'll find it hard to love again.

Now, everything I've written so far may not be certain. Of course, this sort of thing varies from person to person and no one account of being cheated on is true to the experiences of everyone that has ever been cheated on. This next part though, this is the only part that I can say with near absolute certainty, will happen eventually for anyone who has gone through having a partner cheat on them:

This new person will prove your fears to be wrong. They will love you, and you will allow yourself to love them. They will be trustworthy, they will be respectful, and the last thing that they would ever want to do is hurt you. Their affection will cleanse the ash marks on the back of your eyelids and mute the hissing voice in your head. In due time, they will make the pain of your last heartbreak disappear, until one day it all just becomes like a distant nightmare to you. One that they have woken you up from.

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