Want Him To Want You?

Want Him To Want You?

Here's exactly what you need to do.
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There’s a chance you’ve clicked on this article looking for a prophetic solution as to why you didn’t land that second date. There’s also a higher chance you’re a family member and clicked this link through Facebook (Hi, Aunt Michelle!).

I’ll continue on as if it’s the first one.

If you’ve come for a comprehensive step-by-step guide then you’ve come to the wrong place.

If you’ve come for a tutorial (…because no matter how shatterproof Legally Blonde made the iconic “Bend and Snap” look, it’s not as clinically proven as it has been marketed) then you should exit the tab now.

If you ask me, instruction manuals are for things like cars, the back of fancy shampoo bottles. cookbooks that you gift as a polite-and-indirect-way of telling Maureen her cooking sucks. And, the last time I checked, those things are all objects. You are not.

You are not an object in the sense that you are not an entity in someone else’s possession. You are not an end-point goal of another’s game. And romantic courtship has morphed into just that - a competitive sport.

There are weird calculations and subtle, unconscious moves. There are pings of excitement when he views your witty caption on your snapchat story. It’s a text back, but not too quickly. It’s a inch closer, but not too much, because it could drive him away. Check mate, god damnit. Remind me again when this become so hard?

And some swear they know the ins and the outs. But, just like that kid who swore he knew the Mario Kart cheats and a shortcut to Rainbow Road, they all end up falling off course.

I’ve had so many people come to me with lengths that go to the extreme about troubled situations concerning whether or not a man is interested in them. He’s sleeping with you, but he doesn't want to be exclusive. He tells you that you’re the type of girl that he would bring home to his family, but you have yet to see the cabinets on his kitchen wall.

Things can get real messy too. For example, Katie paints a vivid prolific picture to me of Brad. Brad is a down-to-earth, wholesome frat boy who loves his family (as any frat boy would), but never called back. A couple more questions about frat boy Brad and I learn that he was very, very intoxicated when they met. He also called Katie Christine a couple of times throughout the night, but nonetheless, according to Christine - I mean Katie - love ensured.

Something is so similar about these stories at the core. A daunting, insecurity that screams: "Can I make someone else like me as much as I like them?"

And if that resounding chorus isn’t bad enough, I’ve seen so many girls try to change who they are to match what a man seems to want. I’ve seen them quiet themselves, I’ve seen them become emotionally distant. I’ve seen them give themselves to people who didn’t deserve it.

The truth that lies here is that 1) There is nothing you can do to convince a person to become interested in you.

And 2) Refer back to the previous statement.

As hard as that is to hear, I too, have stood in countless grocery store lines with headlines that point to the answers. How to get him to ask you out! Exclamation point!

And I almost pick them up knowing what they’ll all say inside.

Let your body language do the talking. Be flirty. Make him chase you.

Twirl your hair around your index finger like a schoolgirl while jumping up and down on one leg. Do this and be sure to not break eye contact with him.

And if that doesn't work? One of three options. Black magic. Hook up with his best friend in the dark corner of a party while he is there to make him jealous. Or, finally, behind door three is an all-inclusive roundtrip to die a sad, miserable life alone.

But, instead of those three easy solutions, you probably choose to do what the rest of us do. You internalize a situation. You sit there and wonder if it was something you did or didn’t do. You gnaw at your own arm as you type out had a good time tonight. Backspace. Too casual. I had a good time tonight. Just right.

You, altogether, blame yourself.

The right man will text you back regardless of your punctuation use. The right man will make the effort to be with you. The right man will know that it wasn’t because you chose the red or the black dress to wear out - it’s the things that are as easily showcased as the fabric on your body. The right man knows intellect, your drive, your empathy, your charisma are pieces of you that could be offered to the man standing next to him if he lets you go.

And if that isn’t enough then I'll leave with this thought. Imagine a room comprised of only doors. You could spend your entire life standing outside one that is vacant, hoping, praying that someone will open it.

Or you could pick up you stuff, move to the next door down, and try again.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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To Everyone Who Hasn't Had Sex Yet, Wait For Marriage, It's The Right Move

If you have not had sex yet, wait.

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views

Premarital sex is not a new concept, no matter how much people like to pretend it is. You can trace scripture and historical texts back thousands of year to see that lust and fornication have been a problem since… well, since we humans have been problems.

They tell you in sex ed that sex causes you to form a bond with someone. They throw some big chemical names at you that are apparently in your body and cause that emotional attachment to happen, then you move on (or back to) how important condoms are and why STDs are so scary.

As a middle schooler or teenager, you can't understand what it means to become permanently connected to someone as a result of a quick, physical act.

If you haven't even had your first kiss, you really can't imagine what it's like to develop such a complex and intimate connection with someone because you have yet to feel the butterflies in your stomach from a kiss. So you really don't know what it's like to have a whole different type of feeling in your stomach.

You never forget your first love. It's one of the most cliche things you consistently hear, but it's true. Ask anyone. I guarantee your parents can still spurt out their first love's name in a few seconds. And most people never forget their first time. I know all my friends can recount that often awkward and slightly terrifying moment as if it happened an hour ago. When you mix those two, especially if you are in your teens, oh boy.

You never forget that. No matter how hard you try.

Everything you hear about sex is true: it's amazing, fantastic, life-changing, etc. There's a reason people have done it as frequently as they do, for as long as they have. But every time you sleep with someone, you leave a piece of yourself with them. Every time you choose to take that final physical step with someone, you cannot go back and collect that piece of your dignity and soul that you left with someone.

So, imagine what happens when you break up with someone you've slept with. Or that you just hooked up with. You have given someone a little slice of yourself forever. And you can never get it back. And imagine what happens when you do that multiple times. You give a piece of yourself to five, 10, 15, 20 or more people. Then you meet the person that you want to spend forever with. And you no longer have that whole part of you. You've given pieces away, and you can no longer give those to the love of your life.

So, save those pieces for your future spouse.

If you have not had sex yet, wait. If you have, consider not giving more pieces of yourself away to people who are not your spouse. Sex was created to be between two spouses, nobody else. So we need to try to maintain its integrity.

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Actual Nice Guys Do Exist, But We Don't Come Easy

We are out there, but there are reasons you can't find us.

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Guys hear it all of the time from their female counterparts, especially good guys: "My guy is rude and we're going to break up," or we hear, "Now that I'm single and have had my heart broken, I'm wondering if there really are nice guys out there." Yeah, well there's something to this and it might surprise you.

First off, the numbers game, because if you have read any of my articles, you know I like to use numbers and statistical data to make my points and arguments. Here is one that will blow your mind: as of 2017, the last time they actually processed the numbers, we had 7.53 billion people on Earth. 7.53 BILLION! That's a real number-look it up! Google it! I promise it is there and let's face it, Google is so advanced now, it finds everything and practically knows everything. Dig a little deeper in this and you will find that 49.5% of the world are females. That means that there are more guys than girls on planet Earth and the numbers game is actually more in your favor than ours.

So, what's the problem? Well, there are a few avenues we can take in asking why. First and foremost, the standards you have set might not be the same kind of standards that are truly in your heart. It's true: girls like bad guys for whatever reason, but c'mon you don't marry the bad guy if you really want it to last. Secondly, you might be settling with that kind of attraction and you're better than that and you probably don't even realize it!

That is a truly scary part because chances are, you're worth way more than that and you just haven't realized your self-worth, at least on the surface. That's not bad though, that's part of life. Finally, it isn't all about you and your faults, nice guys have them too.

We've been burned by girls we've adored, and we've been hurt by them too.

We have experienced toxic relationships just like you have and you're not wanting to see guys like that. Chances are, you've already friend zoned a guy that has always wanted to date you or is really worth your time and you just didn't pay attention.

Timing is everything and if he isn't shy, he hasn't asked you out yet because he either has reservations that he's not the guy you're looking for at the moment or he's got his own stuff going on trying to better himself. These guys love being your friend, but chances are have wanted something better because he's already seen you on the other end of being in the same position he has. It's not that he isn't trying to be assertive, he would be. However, he's thinking "well even though she's my type, I'm clearly not hers" and that's a real thing, ladies.

Nice guys may not be jerks but that doesn't mean they are betas. Some of us like to hunt, fish, go to the beach, drive really fast, ride rollercoasters, shoot guns at a range, or going to the bar to have a couple of beers. There are a lot of alpha males that do mainly things (such as grow a beard and listen to metal music) and still are just genuinely nice.

Here's a huge disconnect in relationships: many women consider a nice man, is a weak man.

That's not true either. You cross a nice man, you'll know it and you'll see a different side of him when he's angry. He'll be temporarily the guy you broke up with before him. The difference is he'll apologize to you and actually mean it. You'll realize he was just mad and that was a temporary thing because in the back of your mind you understand that you finally achieved in getting what you were looking for.

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There are nice guys who fit both of that criteria that will adore you for who you are, spoil you in a way you've probably never experienced before, and love you as much as a boyfriend can that in some ways (not the creepy way) remind you of that care that your father has for you. Because ultimately that's what you want right — a guy you know your dad would like and an ultimately a guy that you'd be proud of introducing him to your dad? You don't want your dad second guessing your choice like when Brian Cranston gets pissed at his daughter for bringing James Franco home in "Why him."

What I'm saying is for whatever the reason you might not realize, you have absolutely been settling. I'm telling you to STOP! Stop settling and showing yourself you don't deserve better because you do. You want that cheesy happily ever after and ending you see in romcoms and Hallmark movies? Realize how valuable you are and what you can bring to a relationship with a nice guy. You're not settling by picking a nice guy if that's truly what you want, you're getting a forever, not a Friday.

Unless there's something special about you, people do tend to not open up too fast and there are reasons for that. If I do, then you're extremely special and when I mean extremely special, I'm talking you're a pearl in a mountain full of empty oyster shells. Sometimes I come off bored or disinterested. That means that I'm playing my hand or I'm debating on whether this is gonna go anywhere — try harder.

Nothing worth having is easy: you gotta fight for it.

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