Ever since I was a kid, I was concerned with how other people viewed me. Did they think I was funny? Pretty? Annoying? As an anxious person, its something that was always on my mind. I would think about how I would respond to someone I was having a conversation with for way too much time and try to predict how they would perceive me.

Life as an insecure perfectionist is truly tiring. As I have gotten older, I definitely have made strides pertaining to my self-esteem. I'm not the most confident person, but I can say I love myself without feeling like a complete fraud and that's something to be proud of.

Today, the present battle in my head has been how I am going to function in college. College is very much about working toward our future goals and focusing on ourselves and where we want to be as young people. However, there's still a widespread social culture that we're expected to partake in while here.

Every day, I worry about being accepted by others. I worry if people like me if I come across a certain way if people think I'm a hermit for always being in my room or weird for being so quiet. I worry about these things constantly, but in a way, that's just how I am.

I am an introvert. I can't be around groups of people for long and, sometimes, the social interactions of my day is more than enough for me. It was overwhelming just being in a place with so many people. So I stay in, instead of constantly going out and hanging out with people. Sure, it can get lonely, but I just don't function that way and that isn't necessarily a bad thing.

I know that this is my nature, yet I still feel like I should be more social. My mind always tells me, "People would like you more if you were outgoing and went out like everyone else." My mind tells that being alone a lot is a negative aspect of my personality and that I should change if I want to be accepted.

I should just do my thing, take care of myself, and nourish friendships as they come. I know that is the mature thing to do. After all, adults have responsibilities and jobs and they don't worry if the people they work with like them or if they're going out enough. Right?

The issue is I'm not an adult. Not really. I'm in this weird in-between period that is so hard for some. It seems like everyone around me is more focused on their social status than their actual futures. Maybe that's because I'm a freshman and not many people have reached that point yet; the point of, "Oh shit, I actually have to work hard to get to where I want to be." It's all gen-eds and intro courses.

But I have reached that point and I am over it.

I think I'm going to keep struggling with this as long as I'm in this "in between teenager and adult" phase of my life. I will work on not being so concerned with what others think of me and maybe then I'll be a true adult. And maybe, until then, I can just have fun in college the way I want to. The quiet, introvert way.