Our story is really one for the books. We met, we fell in love at the wrong time, we parted ways only to come back to each other again, we finally loved each other like each moment was our last, and then you pushed me into the dust. Isn’t that always how it goes?
I remember the first day I saw you, and I was gone. I thought that I finally had found the reason I had been wandering through life aimlessly – only to lay eyes on you. But I was taken, you see, and you knew that. But we still talked and I grew to know you better than anyone just like you did with me. Finally, you told me you couldn’t take it anymore and that our contact needed to stop because it was hurting you so much. I was crushed inside, but I understood.
A few weeks passed and you picked up a new girl just as I was ending my bond with my boy. I saw you happy and I realized that maybe all that had happened had been a dream. So now you were taken and I was broken.
Months passed and I found someone new, the thought of you and your voice tucked away deep inside of my memory. You contacted me and asked to see me and I told you no; this time I was taken and you were broken.
Finally, after months of this back and forth pushing and pulling, we talked once again and I felt the way I had felt the first day I had seen you those many many months prior. I was happy. I was giddy. I finally loved you again.
And that feeling lasted all of a few weeks. But my God, while it lasted it was like heaven. And then the screaming came. The threats came. The tears came. The heartbreak came. Surely this was not the same boy I loved from the start. I tried convincing myself that you would change. I stayed through the crushing words. I waited for you.
I waited for you because I thought I knew what it was to be loved. I thought I knew the feeling of finding “The One.” But little did I know, I found the one who I wish I never met at all.
After weeks of pain and crying myself to sleep, you told me you were done. You bugged out and left me with tear-stained cheeks and no motivation left. And still I waited for you. I waited for you to text me and tell me it was all some sort of sick joke or that none of it was real. But I waited too long for something that never came.
A few months after, you did contact me and you told me you changed. You told me you didn’t do half of the stuff you used to and you were a “new man.” I wanted so badly to believe it, but I knew that it was yet another front you were putting up. I told you that I waited for you because I loved you and you told me you don’t even remember loving me.
I waited because I was selfish. I waited because I wanted something back that was truly never there. Your head was in the clouds the whole time we were together, that you don’t even remember calling me beautiful. You don’t remember telling me to die. You don’t remember the late night phone conversations or the deep talk FaceTimes we used to have. I guess you really were a different person back then. But the truth is, I don’t want a part of who you are anymore, no matter who you claim to be.
You didn’t deserve my time. You didn’t deserve my tears. You didn’t deserve me.
I waited for you, but I realize now that I was waiting for a miracle.
