When I first moved off to college I knew things would be different. Things would change. Change isn’t necessarily bad though. I also knew I would find my “new normal”. I would make new habits, new routines, new friends etc. Things would change back home too. I knew I probably wouldn’t talk to my family as much as I did before, and when I did come home or call our conversations would be much different.
Man oh man did things change. In a good way though, I made new friends, gained 250+ sorority sisters, slept in on the weekends, and talked to my folks at least twice a week. It was a good kind of “new normal”. By November, things were pretty set for me. I was adjusted. I had my normal. At least at college I did, but back home was a different story.
When you leave for college, everyone talks about how much your family is going to miss you and have such a hard time leaving you. What they don’t really talk about is how much you’re going to miss them. You’re going to miss birthdays, anniversaries, family dinners, etc. and for me, that wasn’t normal.
It really hit me when my great grandmother’s health started declining this past fall. Turning 93 in December, she was the kindest, the strongest, and one of the stubbornest women I had ever known. For me I was carrying on with my “new normal”, while I knew things back home were the farthest thing from it. Knowing that things aren’t right back home, it leaves your heart heavy. Going into second semester this past spring, my heart felt like a thousand pounds.
In March, I told my mother I was going to stop answering my phone on Thursday’s. It was like every Thursday she would call with some sort of not so great news, and it was hard not being there and just having to listen over the phone. I just wanted to tell her that I wanted things to be back to normal again. It just added to the already overly booked and chaotic semester I was already having.
On March 29, around nine o’clock, on a Thursday night, I received a call that my great grandmother had gone to be with our Lord. An ultimate change. A missing piece to the normal back home. That was the longest 5 hour drive home the next morning. Everything felt broken. We had watched her slowly make her transition from Earth, and it was physically, emotionally, and mentally draining on our entire family.
I can remember riding in the car with my little brother that weekend, and he turned to me and asked, “Are you ready for things to be back to normal?”. It was as if he had been reading my mind. I was waiting for normal to sink back into our lives, and it took me a good week to realize that it wasn’t going to happen.
So now, I’m just waiting for normal. I am about to move back home for the summer, yet another change. I don’t know what the “new normal” will be next, or when it will come. I try to look back though on all my versions of “normal” through the years. My favorite ones are ones when we had my great grandmother, and now that state of normal is just some amazing memories.
So enjoy the time you have when you’re comfortable, because before you know it something will change again, and you’ll be waiting for your new normal.
for nannie