Why You Should Wait On Starting A Family

Why You Should Wait On Starting A Family

Because kids are the biggest commitments you could possibly make.

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I've honestly never wanted kids at any point in my short 19 years of living—ever. Maybe it's just because I have no patience for literally anyone (yes, even small children—I'm awful) or maybe it's from all the horrifying experiences of pregnancy I've heard about from friends and family. Regardless, kids aren't something I see in the cards for me and I know a lot of others can personally agree that they aren't meant for childbearing either. However, plenty of others around my age have dreamed of having anywhere from one to six kids since middle school (because for some reason we start thinking about having kids at that age).

Now, I'm not saying having kids is horrible and you're throwing your life away if you do it. Not at all. We definitely need to keep the human race alive—until the environment decides that we're done for, at least. I just don't think that needs to be the only thing we all see as our future.

My mom has told me multiple times, "Emma, never have kids". Of course, the first time I heard this I was shocked because she herself had kids and I am indeed one of those kids. She obviously loves me a lot and when she tells me this it comes from a place of such. She tells me how she wants me to aspire to my dream career, travel, and experience all the wonderful things you can only really get the most out of when you're young. So, when she tells me never to have kids, I couldn't agree more. Or at least just I'll never have kids until I've fully completed the first chapter of my life.

I think getting married and having kids cut our time to fully live short. Sure, there are a lot of beautiful things to be had with having a family of your own, but there are so many burdens that come with it too. Especially when you're still only in your twenties. It means settling down and committing to the lives of others when you haven't even really lived out your own in the ways that can only be fully done as a childless-young adult.

Again, I'm not saying there is anything wrong with having kids. It just doesn't make sense to me to do it so young when you have so much out there waiting for you and when you have the choice. I'm also not saying that you MUST see every corner of the globe before you have kids—that's unrealistic, to say the least.

What I'm really trying to say here is that I think you need to feel at peace with what you've experienced and done in your youth before having your life be almost entirely focused on building up the lives of your children. There is nothing more bitter than regret and that is not something you need to have in your heart going into that new chapter of true parent/adulthood. You wouldn't jump to chapter two in a book without finishing chapter one- you'd probably be missing crucial aspects of the story. YOUR story.

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To The Guy Who Treated Me Like Crap

In many ways, I feel bad that you could never see how amazing I am.
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Dear (insert guy's name here),

I’m sorry that I acted as your footstool for so long. You treated me terribly, and for some reason, I couldn’t see that. I only saw you as someone who liked me and wanted to be with me (at least, that’s what I thought). I was like a little puppy dog following you around, completely loving and loyal. I was always waiting for you to text me, posting Snapchat stories for the sole purpose of knowing you would see them and always hoping you would come around when I was out with my friends so I could show you off.

No matter how hard I wanted us to work out, I now realize it never would have.

You weren’t right for me because you treated me like I was your inferior. You were always talking to other girls, flirting with them, and treating me like a child. You were so selfish. Only doing what you wanted and coming around when you felt like it and taking advantage of me. You made me feel crazy when I got mad at you for all the little things. I was so caught up in you that I tried to ignore all of the signals right in front of me.

You just weren’t right for me.

I now know that the right guy for me is the one who respects me and chooses me over everyone else. The guy who never makes me feel insane for questioning something, the guy who understands when he’s done something wrong and can live with the consequences. You just simply couldn’t provide that for me. In many ways, I feel bad that you could never see how amazing I am.

While I may have been so upset when our relationship ended, it made me realize who I am and what I deserve. I deserve so much more than someone putting in 50 percent. I deserve an endless amount of respect and communication. Putting in your all for a relationship when they can’t do the same is not healthy and it’s childish. I hope someday you can find a girl that you can love infinitely but I take a lot of pride in knowing that girl won’t be me. I may be single for a really long time or I may find the one tomorrow, either way, I have so much hope that one day someone can give me their all and make me feel incredible.

For now, I’m done wasting my time on guys like you who make me feel miserable.

Sincerely,
The One Who Got Away

Cover Image Credit: Trinity Kubassek

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15 Ways To Support Your Military Significant Other

The military is not like any other job.

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15 ways to support your significant other in the military. Being a MILSO is terrifying, lonely, and frustrating. Here are some tips to get by. YOU GOT THIS!

1. Understand that they will be busy

The military is not a 9-5 job with a lunch break. It could be drill or deployment, remember that they are going to be busy. He/she might not be able to call every night, text you, or answer your texts in a timely manner. They are busy, you should stay busy too.

2. The military is not a job, it is a lifestyle 

Unfortunately, you cannot pick and chose when you are a military spouse, girlfriend, or boyfriend. You are expected to act like a MILSO 24/7. You should support them 24/7 and be a listening ear when needed. Your SO does not have a normal job.

3. Become independent

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You will be away from your military significant other for days, weeks, months, or even a year+. This is overwhelming and exhausting. But think of it as an opportunity for you to gain independence, work on your own dreams, and become the person you want to be!

4. Trust, trust, and more trust

Do not take this one lightly. Being a significant other, in any relationship, means trust. You have to believe that they mean what they say. You have to trust them when they cannot answer your texts or calls. Believe that they are doing is important and you can wait.

5. Prepare for deployment

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Unfortunately, this is a very real side of being a MILSO. You never know where and when they are going to leave or for how long. Welcome to the roller coaster (;

6. Do not date them for the benefits 

The job is done because they love their country and want you to be safe, not for the military pay or benefits. It is not glamorous, or worth it just for the health insurance! Do it because you love them.

7. Become a support system

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Support them every day, through words, actions, and reassurance. This job is not easy. Do not be pushy with details. Let your significant other come to you when they are ready.

8. Lean on other MILSOs

Because nobody says you have to do it alone.

9. They are missing you too

Just because they are busy does not mean they are not missing you. Not only do they not have you, but they also do not have their house, bed, family, or even their own country at times!

10. If you have children, be prepared to become both parents 

I, personally, do not have children. However, growing up in a military family, I had my mother play my father role. It is scary but it is possible. Do not expect to be perfect.

11. Be flexible 

When I first started this journey, I thought, "It is the military, when they said he will be home at 6:00 pm, he will be home EXACTLY 6:00 pm!" I could not have been more wrong. FLEXIBILITY IS KEY!

12. The military isn't closed for the holidays

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They will not be home for every holiday, every birthday, or every plan. Plans are made to be changed. Nobody can control the military or its timing. Be prepared to have Christmas in January.

13. Be proud of them 

What they are doing is not easy. It is scary, stressful, exhausting, and time-consuming. They are doing it because they care. Show how proud you are of them.

14. Hug them...all the time

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Appreciate the time you have together. It means the world to both of you.

15. Send packages, letters, texts, ANYTHING

They are looking forward to what you have to say. After their long day, they want to see your texts and packages. Make their job a little more tolerable.

Good Luck, fellow MILSOs! YOU GOT THIS

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