There is this project on YouTube by StyleLikeU called "What's Underneath" where young women strip themselves down. They strip their clothes to their underwear and, not only are they physically stripped and vulnerable, they are stripped emotionally as well. They are asked very intimate questions (about how they are feeling, what they are insecure about, how their life is going, what their struggles are, etc..) and it's pretty much to help them be a little more vulnerable than they would be on a regular basis. The main point of the series: get past the style and the clothes and get down to what's underneath.

At first, I thought this was silly. I'm a pretty conservative person so naturally, I was wondering why anyone would do that. Then, I came across a certain one that I really connected with. I wondered what I would do if I was asked to do that, only because the video is not meant to be sexualized. You don't even realize they are taking their clothes off. You really do focus on the words they are saying and how they are opening up emotionally--at least that's what I focused on.

A few months ago, if you asked me to describe myself, I would have never said I was guarded. I didn't think I was guarded in the slightest. I tend to think I'm an open book for the most part. There's really nothing I wouldn't tell anyone if they just asked me. I thought that guarded meant dishonest, in a way. Kind of like you don't want people knowing everything about you or who you really are.

I've come to realize more and more how guarded I truly am. I don't know where it stems from, but there are definitely some walls I never knew I had around me, but that now I'm slowly trying to break down. I figured it out when I realized I can't tell people how I feel. I can't really express if they are hurting me or if they are making me happy, either. I was actually on the phone with someone I've been close to for a few years and they told me I never seem to open up entirely. I was shocked. To me, now, guarded means lacking the capability of being vulnerable. I can't seem to do that. There are times when I want to be but I am genuinely afraid of being hurt. Being vulnerable is a terrible thing, and I can't for the life of me remember the last time I let myself be in that state. It's easier to avoid having a deep talk about how I'm feeling about something because I'm not a very sensitive person, and I can't really handle when people are emotional with me, either. It's difficult for me to initiate an important conversation with someone because in my eyes, there is a possibility of losing them.

Now, I have a new topic to talk about with God. I want to be more open and vulnerable because rejection happens. It is a real thing that happens to every single person at least once but more than likely a thousand times. As a woman, we are often told to guard our hearts because we are hyper emotional and I think I've taken that sentiment a little too far. I don't fully let anyone of substance in. The people I have let in in the past are people I never really cared that much about.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

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James 5:16 says, "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed"