“I hate people.”

I used to say this phrase pretty much every day. Even if you don’t say this (or some variation of this), you may have heard it from your friends once or twice.

“I hate people,” is usually said with the intent of expressing distaste for current company, frustration with something that had happened previously, or disillusionment with human nature in general. It is hyperbole, meant to simplify the speaker’s complex emotions into one short grievance that most everyone can relate to.

Here are just some of the situations in which I’ve uttered this phrase:

• While driving, after witnessing a fellow driver do something dangerous or stupid
• When it seems like half of the university decided to eat dinner at the same time
• When getting ready to go to a social event and I’m really not feeling up to being around lots of other people
• When an individual has done something that irritates, inconveniences, or disrespects me
• When I’m really tired and nothing is going my way and I just need something to complain about

However, saying “I hate people” in these situations doesn’t help anything. It doesn’t tell the people around me exactly what my problem is so that they can commiserate with me or give me advice.

I recently realized that I dislike this phrase very much. One of my friends said it around me, and it rubbed me the wrong way. “I am a person! Do you hate me? I can leave if I’m bothering you; sorry that I’m not good enough company for you,” I wanted to say. I knew from context clues that the person’s problem was not with me, but it was still kind of hard not to take it personally.

I got to thinking about the ways in which we use this phrase. It has become a placeholder or a default phrase, kind of like the very typical

“Hi, how are you?”
”Good, you?”
”Good!”

exchange which, though usually pleasant, is virtually meaningless. “I hate people,” can become a placeholder phrase that doesn’t really mean anything specific, but is a convenient scapegoat when it’s hard to describe or identify what the real problem is.

Obviously, there are better ways of expressing my feelings in each of the above situations, like so:

• “Wow, that was a bad decision on that driver's part.” or "Wow, you almost just killed me. Way to go."
• “It's unfortunate that there are so many people here; I’m really hungry!”
• “I would so much rather stay in tonight and read a book than go to this thing.”
• “I really wish that _____ hadn’t ­­­­­­­_____ because that wasn’t fair to me.”
• When the main problem is that I'm cranky, I should really just go take a nap and not speak to anyone, to be honest.

While these reactions aren't necessarily the most positive ones, they actually address the specific issue or grievance rather than making a blanket statement that can only come across as aggressive or hostile.

Saying that I hate people is telling the people around me that they aren't good enough to make me happy. It's saying that one undesirable circumstance is enough to negate the happiness that I've experienced from nineteen years of love and kindness from others in my life. I am a big fan of being aware of my effects on other people, and when I realized that saying "I hate people" belittles my relationships with my family and friends, I wanted to stop saying it.

Now, whenever I find myself on the verge of attempting to use this phrase to express my emotions, I can take a step back, refocus on what's actually troubling me, and deal with it. I encourage you to examine the things that you say on a daily basis, and if you find phrases like this one that allow you to perpetuate toxicity in your life, cut those phrases out of there. You don't need them. You are a capable, intelligent human; you can find different, more helpful ways to express yourself.