Most days are easy to forget, but this day plays in my mind like my favorite song and film. I know how the day works and plays out. I know about the school gossip that was dominant this day. I know the feeling of being a fresh 13-year-old. I know the weather and the time. I know every detail. Each detail is playing a significant role to the horrific event that plagued that evening. Every part of me remembers these events even when I don't want to. Feeling the anxious burden on my spirit as a result of this memoir. So, I did my best to try and forget but, I found myself haunted in dreams, social events and much more. Worthlessness and loneliness became a result of not being able to be heard or vocal. Everything inside me was filling up with rage but, this was only the beginning of something that would continue throughout the years until I was almost 16 years old.

I suppose if I would have screamed louder, longer or harder that he would have stopped but, he never did. I was on my back kicking and screaming until every part of me fell victim to exhaustion. I fell into this term rapidly and unwillingly like most other people do. I had become a victim.

According to the Rainn foundation, every two minutes an American is sexually assaulted. Every two minutes an American falls into the term "victim" unwillingly and rapidly, the same way I did. We are met with so many options, but are discouraged from each of them because we are afraid. We become a wilted flower gasping for sunlight. We are met with consistent barriers due to this overwhelming feeling of apprehension. As a result, I found myself silenced from the numerous encounters I have experienced with sexual assault.

The Joyful Heart foundation mentions, while precise legal definitions vary by states and jurisdictions, rape is the term commonly used to mean forced sexual intercourse, including vaginal, anal or oral penetration.

I fell victim to silence. My experience was swept under the rug. My experience was taken lightly because "so many other people experience this." I felt like such a coward and it wasn't until recently that I felt liberated enough to share my encounter and my experiences. The truth about sexual assault is that it happens to the people we least expect by the people we least expect.

Victims become chained and constricted. My story is only one out of the millions of people who experience what I have experienced. I chose not to be a victim of silence because I choose not to be considered a victim at all. Every person who is going through a sexual assault encounter has a voice and deserves to be heard. For women and men who are courageous and do speak up about these issues, they may never seek justice as a result of the constricted criminal justice system in America. It's obvious that we need to provide justice where it is due and we need to break the barriers that limit and produce apprehension for and toward sexual assault victims.

Your voice matters. You are not alone.

The following information is provided by the RAINN Organization. Additional information can be found here.

Sexual Violence Can Have Long-Term Effects on Victims

The likelihood that a person suffers suicidal or depressive thoughts increases after sexual violence.

• 94 percent of women who are raped experience post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) symptoms during the two weeks following the rape.⁹
• 30 percent of women report PTSD symptoms 9 months after the rape.¹⁰
• 33 percent of women who are raped contemplate suicide.¹¹
• 13 percent of women who are raped attempt suicide.¹¹
• Approximately 70 percent of rape or sexual assault victims experience moderate to severe distress, a larger percentage than for any other violent crime.¹²

People who have been sexually assaulted are more likely to use drugs than the general public.¹¹

• 3.4 times more likely to use marijuana.
• 6 times more likely to use cocaine.
• 10 times more likely to use other major drugs.

Sexual violence also affects victims’ relationships with their family, friends and co-workers.¹²

• 38 percent of victims of sexual violence experience work or school problems, which can include significant problems with a boss, coworker, or peer.
• 37 percent experience family/friend problems, including getting into arguments more frequently than before, not feeling able to trust their family/friends, or not feeling as close to them as before the crime.
• 84 percent of survivors who were victimized by an intimate partner experience professional or emotional issues, including moderate to severe distress, or increased problems at work or school.
• 79 percent of survivors who were victimized by a family member, close friend or acquaintance experience professional or emotional issues, including moderate to severe distress, or increased problems at work or school.
• 67 percent of survivors who were victimized by a stranger experience professional or emotional issues, including moderate to severe distress, or increased problems at work or school.

Being vocal about sexual assault isn't an easy thing to do. You are either praised for your courage or you are crucified for telling the truth. However, change starts with you. Being vocal is necessary in order for an alteration to occur in regards to how people view and handle victims of sexual assault, and also to enhance prevention. Being a victim of silence is not a solution when healing from this experience. The only way out of something is through it.

You are not alone. Your voice and experience matters.

If you or anyone you know may be dealing with sexual assault below, I have provided hotlines that could provide assistance. Each hotline is confidential and free.

• For rape & sexual assault victims: 800.656.HOPE (4673)
• For homeless youth & teens: 800.708.6600
  
• To reach the TDD machine for hearing impaired clients: 866.604.5350