5 Ultimate Valentine's Day Fails

5 Ultimate Valentine's Day Fails

Sometimes, you just need to laugh at your circumstances.
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With Valentine's Day coming up half of our generation will be putting together last minute dinner reservations and others will be buying pints of ice cream and sappy romance movies. Regardless of your plans, I'm sure reading this article will be on your list of things to do.

You may be asking, "where in tarnation did Valentine's Day originate?" Well, lucky you're here! Valentine's Day originated from Saint Valentine. A few different legends have been adopted as to who Saint Valentine could be, one of which being a priest. He served through the third century in Rome when Emperor Claudius ll believed that single men made better soldiers. Due to this, he outlawed married for young men while Valentine continued to perform illegal marriages for those in secret.

Whether you're passionate about love like Saint Valentine, or would rather stay in bed all day like a hermit, we can all admit to having an odd or unsatisfying Valentine's Day. So now, let's acknowledge some of the biggest Valentine's Day fails of all time, with the help of some friends and my incredibly awkward life. I hope you enjoy the biggest fails of Valentine's Day!


1. Find out your significant other is a cheater.

I can vouch for this being a terrible Valentine's Day as I'm sure many others can agree. The way to get through this one is to bring it up after Valentine's Day. If they want to buy you that outfit you've had your eye on for awhile, or take you to that concert you planned on. Let them! Or, take the tickets long with someone else. You snooze you lose right?

2. Receiving the awkward gifts.

I've received my fair share of creepy gifts in the mail. Guys, don't name a star after a girl you barely know or buy her a blanket with the two of you on it. Girls, don't hand make a macaroni art of the two of you, or an endless collage to hang up. They may act polite, thanking you and hugging you, but no. They don't want it. They don't even like it. Food is key.

3. Bad news on a loving day.

Whether you heard your significant other had cheated on you or you didn't get into the program you were hoping for. There may never be a good time to hear bad news, especially on a day filled with excitement and happiness.

4. Having someone steal your ideas.

I refuse to share Valentine's Day ideas with others, for the sole purpose that people have stolen them and used them on the same people I was going to. Having someone steal your idea can be exhausting and frustrating, but at least you know you're that much clever. Own your ideas or keep them hidden away! Either way, you'll be giving them chocolate or flowers on Valentine's Day.

5. Eating 5 pints of ice cream.

You may be like me and choosing to stuff your face with your friends. Hey, sometimes a Valentine's Day with your friends is exactly what the doctor ordered. So, eat that large pizza, watch the new 50 Shades Darker, and remember to binge on ice cream every chance you get. One day won't kill the diet you've got going on.

Happy Valentine's Day to all!

Cover Image Credit: Pulp Street

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Love Stories to Survive This Valentine's Day

Here's some stuff you should do instead of other people this Valentine's Day.
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It's raining this Valentine's Day 2018. As it should be! Here's a bunch of stuff you should enjoy instead of another person.

1. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Here's a love story that doesn't cheat the audience. After a gut-wrenching break up between leads, Clementine (Kate Winslet) and Joel (Jim Carrey), Clem has all her memories of Joel wiped. Distraught, Joel seeks to do the same, but as each successive memory is wiped, he begins to remember why he loved her in the first place. Unfortunately, he can't stop the process, so it's a movie full of momentary happiness and regret bordered by an ever closing time limit. I think this is Carrey's best performance and Winslet does a fine job as usual. Something about their relationship feels so real, as the meakish Joel is forced to live a little and Clem is forced to slow down and confront things she's running from. It doesn't for a moment feel like manic pixie dream girl nonsense. They've both got their problems and try to make it work, but it just... doesn't. Neither of them can explain why it fell through, but we can see it as objective viewers, not unlike the objective friends you have who tell you your relationship is toxic. This is is a must watch, even if you've got something to be happy about.

2. Her

When I heard about this movie, I was interested, to say the least. But the synopsis didn't help it from looking like one of the most pathetic films of all time. The lonely writer falls in love with his operating system. It's easily one of the most gut-wrenching movies of all time and completely slew me when I first watched it. It also manages a few philosophical questions beyond what true love is. What is artificial intelligence? Can it die? Where do they go once we deactivate them? Should we talk to the dead through artificial intelligence? Do we become immortal by transferring our consciousness to AI? Is the cloud gonna kill us all?? Oh, Joaquin Phoenix and Scarlett Johansson are great too.

3. Othello

If you're in need of a bit of tragedy and treachery, Othello is your man! And if you need a reason to feel good about staying single for the holiday... Also, a lovely ode to never introducing your significant other to your buddies. Especially to those you've slighted or perhaps done questionable things to their significant others. Seriously, if you think Iago does what he does simply for getting skirted a promotion, think again. He's either got nothing but white noise in his head or something really bad happened that drove him to that point. Maybe, the moral of the story is to live in a bubble. Or a glass house and polish those stones you intended to throw instead.

4. The Essential Rumi

What can I say about Rumi? Rumi is the greatest poet to walk the earth. Here's a sample:

A Star Without A Name

When a baby is taken from the wet nurse,

it easily forgets her

and starts eating solid food.

Seeds feed awhile on ground,

then lift up into the sun.


So you should taste the filtered light

and work your way toward wisdom

with no personal covering.


That's how you came here, like a star

without a name. Move across the night sky

with those anonymous lights.

Mad with love, in ecstasy of the formless, in awe of the simple and deviant: this is the love Rumi provides. He provides a love of nature, a reverence for it. His words are simple, but their order and meaning are obscure and tantalizing. Take a look at that last stanza: "That's how you came here, like a star." This guy was talking about how mankind came from star matter before anyone else! But you could read that another way. You came here without a name, without purpose, and you can mingle with these other anonymous lights or anonymous people who are as formless as you. Basically, read Rumi if you want to understand. And that beard! What a beard!

5. The Snow Goose by Paul Gallico

If you get rustled by the thought of ornithology, have I the contemporary legend for you! This is about a deformed hermit bird whisperer and a mysterious child who comes to the abandoned lighthouse on the English coast with an injured snow goose. They bond over the recovery of their mutual friend, and she returns when she's much older. Just in time to see the hunchback row his dingy out to the beaches of Dunkirk where thousands of European soldiers await evacuation that isn't coming. I can thank Chris Nolan for making one of the greatest war films ever for introducing me to this historical event, and I can also thank Paul for providing either the worst transcript of the British accent ever written or the best, I can't tell for sure. This is also great if you're into love stories, although I have to admit, the love story, while never explicitly stated, was a bit unsettling. Maybe that was the point? Anywho, calling all history buffs, legend seekers, and British accent buffs.

Okay, this list is just turning into crap I like. Use at your own risk, and most of all, stay inside this Valentine's Day! It's a dangerous world out there, no sense in risking it.

Cover Image Credit: Vinoth Chandar at Flickr

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Valentine's Day Over The Years

You’re perfectly content with waking up to Mom’s little heart shaped pancakes before school and a piece of chocolate hidden in your lunch box for later.
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To most, February 1th has never been just a day. While some avoid it as if it’s the plague, others look forward to breathing it in. IT referring to that thing in the air, commonly known as love. Valentine’s Day comes around once a year and whether you are young or old, single or taken - one thing is for certain. It has always given you the excuse to eat as much chocolate as your heart desires without being judged. It does not matter if someone buys them for you or if you are treating yourself; the indulgence of too many sweets is something that will never change. Many factors besides the candy do in fact change over the years though; let’s take a look at the differences of how Valentine’s Day has taken place while you’ve grown up.

Kindergarten:

Back in the good ‘ol days, Valentine’s Day was a day of pure joy and love for everyone. You would wake up and go to school in something red or pink of course, and maybe mom even put your hair in little pigtails with cute pink scrunchies. Boys and girls did not seem to have cooties yet, so letting little Johnny give you a big hug and borrow your crayons meant nothing other than “Hi friend, Happy Valentine’s Day, let’s go color!” Which you did. You and your class would color all day long; cutting out little hearts and making little letters to bring home to Mom and Dad. Some of those little keep-safes are probably still be hanging around the house somewhere.

Elementary School:

My favorite. You would look forward to each Valentine’s Day because every year everyone would give everyone a valentine. The anticipation of going to the supermarket and picking out the coolest or cutest little valentines cards and candy to give to your classmates was overwhelming. “I love these ones Mom!” you would say, but follow up with, “but I can’t get them because Susie already got them and is giving a special one to Tommy because she thinks he’s cute. So I must get a different one.”

This irrational thought process also indicated that boys and girls may have cooties, but at the same time... are they cute? No, never. Okay, maybe a little. Either way - oh goodness; it has begun. The school day before Valentine’s Day was spent crafting your own little personal bag or box that would sit on your desk and collect valentines the following day. Those days are definitely missed.

Middle School:

Oh dear lord, Valentine’s day is coming up and all of your friends mysteriously just seem to be popping up out of nowhere with girlfriends or boyfriends. Everyone…except you? It’s okay though because you heard from Mary’s friend who knows a guy that heard from someone, that Steven in the grade above you only asked out your friend Laura because he thinks she’ll “do stuff” with him. Who knows if she will or not; but that’s something you are just not looking to get involved in. You’re perfectly content with waking up to Mom’s little heart-shaped pancakes before school and a piece of chocolate hidden in your lunch box for later.

High School:

Valentine’s Day in high school is not so much a big deal anymore; unless you’re actually in a relationship. You find there are people that don’t care about it, others that care too much and volunteer to dress up as Cupid to deliver pre-bought valentines - sold by the student council, and other people that hate everyone in relationships and hate everything having to do with the day.

If you’re in a relationship, maybe you baked your special someone something, along with a framed picture of you two. Or maybe you received a little teddy bear holding a heart with some chocolate and a piece of jewelry; how cute. Then, during your lunch period, you were slightly embarrassed by the “I LOVE YOU” with a heart written by your mom on your paper lunch bag. Only once you arrived at lunch, you found it funny to see everyone else had the same thing written on their lunches too. Oh and don’t forget the little piece of candy hidden in your lunch, thanks, Mom.

College:

College Valentine’s Day can be interesting. You either are single and super ready to drunkenly mingle at SigmaApplePie’s Valentine’s Day themed party because you’ve been eyeing Chad for the past couple of days in your 8 a.m. Or you could be totally anti-Valentine’s Day and just sulk all day. Or you could be dealing with a long distance relationship because you’re still dating Brian from high school but you both go to separate colleges. Or, if you’re lucky, you could be happily dating someone that goes to the same college as you.

Whatever your situation is; relationships in college seem to be getting slightly more serious because you’re older and that could either scare you or you could love it. You may still even get Valentine’s Day care packages from Mom and Dad at home; because whether you’re single or not this Valentine’s Day, those two will always love you.

Whatever stage you're at in life, Happy Valentine's Day.

Cover Image Credit: Desktop-Background

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