“Reader, I married him.”

Why Jane? Why did you marry him? Did you not think that you could do better? Why would you go back to him? He lied to you. He betrayed you. He did not treat you the way you were supposed to be treated or love you they way you loved him. You loved him so much that he felt he didn’t have to love you back. He messed that up. He always has. Over and over he repeats himself and shows his true colors… but you can’t let go. You can’t let him go. There are too many memories. Too many memories you hold on to. The good ones more over the bad. The same good memories that hurt more. Remembering how things used to be. To many wishful nights hoping that one day he’ll be the man you fell in love with again. But Jane, he won’t change. He won’t be that fairy tale of a life you’ve dreamt of. You settled marrying him. Why Jane? You’re so much stronger than that. Better than that. And you let him pull you back in. He suckered you back in. Back into a falling life. And endless repeating circle you know too well to run in. Used his sickness as incentive against your caring nature. He knew you were the best for him. He knew you two were right and meant to be together. Well, at one point you may have been, but the damage has been done. Your meant to be is not a happy ending. He didn’t want to lose you, but he didn’t want to show you how he cared either. He didn’t feel like he had to, or maybe he didn’t know how to. I don’t know. I wish I could tell you Jane. All I can tell you is that I know you are too good for him. You deserved someone who could woo you, love you, put you first. And you knew that. You knew you deserved better, but you were too afraid that it would never happen. You thought that you could never meet someone else to compare to the great love story you once had. You tried too, but he was always there. In the back of your mind. It’s not because you still truly loved him, it’s because you were scared. Scared of falling in love with someone new, because you know what it feels like when love is lost. So you hold onto that last idea of true love that you had. That you felt. You married him Jane. A man that doesn’t know how to cherish the good things he has. A man that doesn’t know how to care. A man that doesn’t know how to love. Why, Jane?

Jane he’s a player. He’s had many of girls. Girls surrounding him so that he may never feel alone. You know you’re an option. A convenient option. For when he needs you. Needs you for the best of your abilities and qualities that you carry. You know you are a comparison. A comparison to an unknown number of girls. Past, present, and future. He knows you’re everything though, Jane. He knows that. He just can’t see it. Only when you’re gone can he get a glimpse of it. How much you really meant in his life. How much you gave him. How much you were there for him. How much you fought to love him. He couldn’t make you or give you that priority though, Jane. Not like you did for him. He couldn’t choose. He didn’t know the difference between quality and quantity. He used you. Abused your caring kind nature. And along that, he broke you. You couldn’t understand why you weren’t good enough. Did not stand out above the rest. Why doesn’t he know this? Why does he need more? Why are you not enough, Jane? You should have been more than enough. But he keeps them all in an attic, Jane. Locked away. The secrets he kept, kept away above you. Right over your head. Like he wanted it. Like he knew he was always doing. All along. You married him Jane. A player. Why?

Did he compliment you, Jane? Make you feel special? Tell you that you’re beautiful? Tell you he that loved you every day? Romance you? Surprise you? He used to. In the beginning. He wanted all those things. Wanted to do them. For you. Then that all changed. Why? Then he became conceited. All about him, all the time. Wanted all that he used to give you, just for himself. From you. Maybe he was always this way and played a game with you, Jane. He began to do nothing. Nothing lasted. Nothing on his own. He made promises he never kept. Promises he left empty. Never met you half way. Didn’t even have the word equal in his vocabulary. All take, take, take, and no give. And you didn’t need to be given to all the time, Jane. You’re not a taker. He knew you would give back ten times more than he ever would. You just wanted words. Words of affirmation. A purpose. You wanted to know why he loved you and hear how he misses you and why he wants you in his life. Because you’re so good, Jane. And he knows that. But, you’re starting not to think so, so much, Jane. And he won’t say it. Any of it. He doesn’t even want to try. For you. He kept everything for himself. And left nothing for you. He gave you the blind eye. You married him, Jane. A selfish man. Why?

In all honesty, Jane, you lost all credibility. You fell from what you stood for and who you led yourself to be. All for a man who isn’t and was never right for you. You did things besides your true self because of him. You lost yourself for him, Jane. You let him manipulate you while he watched you suffer from his own demise. Don’t tell me “Reader, I married him.” Like you’re trying to justify yourself, Jane. You’re apologizing to me, Jane, and you don’t even know half the things you’re sorry for. You regret what you’ve done. You regret how long you let this go on. You regret settling, Jane. Something for which your whole life you never vowed to do. You let him break you, Jane. Oh that Rochester sure knows how to play the game doesn’t he, Jane. I don’t want to be like you, Jane… I want to be better.

Congratulations on your marriage, Jane. Many blissful years of happiness to you and your beloved Mr. Rochester. To the Mr. & Mrs. Cheers!