This summer has been one of many firsts. My first time having surgery done (it was not a fun time), my first internship and my first time being unemployed. The only thing that I had planned for this summer was my surgery, though I did not want it to happen, and my internship.
This summer has been my first summer unemployed since I first got my job two years ago. What happened to that job? I quit. I quit my job because the environment was toxic and something that I couldn't put myself through for any more time, but I quit because I had a job set up for myself.
That quickly changed after surgery when the manager called to tell me she hired someone else for the job.
Though I have dreamed of what it would be like to be without a job, I honestly wish I was employed. I miss having a steady income and being able to spend my money without worrying too much about each penny I spend (I didn't spend every penny irresponsibly).
I'm someone who is proud of my ability to organize myself, but God definitely had a different plan for me. From my surgeon not being the greatest of doctors to a job I had lined up not work out, I've had to learn to be patient and remember that it's His plan. I've had to learn to embrace the "mess" that is my life right now.
For a little over a month, I've been able to focus just on my internship. That has been incredible and a blessing in disguise. I love being able to have that as my sole responsibility during the week to really shine and make use of every minute I am there.
I've also been able to spend as much time as I can recover from surgery on my own. I was worried about that after surgery because of the amount of time the nurses said I would have to dedicate doing basic exercises. However, I have not started physical therapy because my doctor is stuck in the 70's, but that's something I try not to be angry about anymore.
It'd be so easy for me to be angry and let the anxiety that finds me at night creep into my day, but I won't let it. I make it a choice to not give it power and to live each day grateful for what it brings. These moments are molding me into the person I'm going to be five or ten years from now, and that's why I choose to embrace these hiccups in life.
This is a blessing. I'll admit that I would have never in a million years plan a whole summer to be jobless, but it's worked out that way and I'm not mad about it. I know everything will eventually work itself out because I know I'm in good hands. I'm in His hands.