As a young woman I know how it feels to have feel the pressures of having a relationship. This seed of an idea seemed to sprout the moment we reach middle school.

The transition from wearing uniforms and walking in that single file line to wearing your own clothes and sitting where we wanted at lunch set off an instinct in us to find a guy... Or the guy find us. The transition was like night and day. We all went from running away from boys on the playground to wanting to be right beside them every single moment that we could. Left and right it was like everyone I knew was diving into to this ~what would be foreign to me for a long time~ thing called a relationship. At the time I didn't think too much of the fact that almost everyone in my class was experiencing this, but as the years went on I felt this sense of being out of place. Like I was a loser for being single.

This feeling lingered and intensified over my head as the years went on, following me to high school. I had my share of guys that seemed interested but it always only appeared to be for one thing that benefited them. I only got texts when they wanted something, they were only nice to me because they wanted something. This dead end of not having someone that was genuinely interested in me put a serious damper on my self-esteem. Questions ran through my head like: "Why aren't I good enough?" "Am I ugly or fat?" "What am I doing wrong?" Since I grew up in a predominantly white neighborhood I always wondered if it was because I was black.

These questions were things I thought about frequently up until I turned 21 and got into my first serious relationship. A friend of mine sent me a post from Tumblr with a similar story

If I could've seen this back in my younger years I'm not sure I would've absorbed it as well, but it would've been reassuring to hear. Watching my nieces grow up, I want them and other girls of any age to know that being in a relationship doesn't make you who you are. The person you are deep down inside does. The way you treat others and most importantly yourself, makes you who you are. So many girls and young woman feel that having a man is what makes them complete, but if you're not completely happy with yourself then that is where the real problem lies. You're young and this is no better time than to focus on yourself, what YOU want out of life. I know it may sound contradicting coming from someone who is in a relationship, but it wasn't always like this. Also, STOP searching for Mr. Right. When the time is right then he will come along....I promise :)