Out of all the difficult things in life, love was never one I could foresee myself struggling with. I have a lot of love to give and I give it freely. I learned at an early age that nothing in this life is promised to us, so you can't take time with your loved ones for granted. I love hard and I love with no reservations.

The saying "You can't love someone unless you love yourself" has always bothered me. I am perfectly capable of loving everyone around me even though I don't necessarily love myself or see myself as lovable. Giving love is second nature to me. It's accepting love that I struggle with.

I am the Queen of Rejecting Compliments. This is not a title that I'm proud of. I hate being "that girl" who stutters an awkward "Thank you?" every time she receives a compliment. Whenever I receive a compliment, my go-to response is to give back a compliment in an attempt to remove the attention from myself. I almost always disagree with the compliment. I can rarely see the truth in it and that is no one's fault but my own.

I am constantly at war with myself. Depression tells me to isolate myself. It tells me that no one loves me or wants to be around me. Anxiety tells me that my friends don't really like me. It tells me that they're all talking about me behind my back and wishing I wasn't a part of their lives. Mania tells me that depression and anxiety are wrong.

All of these voices make things confusing and unclear. They interfere with every aspect of my life and every one of my relationships. It's hard for me to discern which voices are right and which are wrong.

When I have depression and anxiety breathing down my neck, that can make it very difficult to look at myself objectively. When people say nice things to me, all I can think is "You might think that, but you don't live in my head 24/7."

Isn't it easy to say nice things about people you aren't around all the time? The problem, I suppose, is my own inability to see anything positive about myself. No one takes me seriously when I say this, but I don't recognize any particularly redeeming qualities within myself. Would I be friends with myself if I had the choice?

I could list all the positive traits of the people I surround myself with, but if you asked me to do the same for myself, I don't think I would be able to. As I've started writing, I've tried to think of positive things to say about myself. My anxiety has shot down every good thought I've had. How am I supposed to accept loving words from other people in my life when my anxiety says that they're lying?

If you're anything like me and you can't fully love yourself either, that doesn't mean that you're any less lovable or any less worthy of love. I find it really difficult to see myself as someone who is lovable. I know plenty of lovable people, but I just don't see myself as one of them.

This isn't to say that I don't try. I do. This isn't to say that I completely reject love, don't recognize love, or don't appreciate love from others. This is to say that self-love is incredibly hard and that it's okay you aren't quite there yet.

You'll get there. I'll get there.