I am a perfectionist. I realized this many years ago. This means that my own character traits are what hold me back. However, my perfectionism has led to me excelling in ways I never imagined I would be able to, allowing me to build myself back up after I tear myself down. I have a give-and-take relationship with myself; my perfectionism gives me anxiety, I take good grades; my anxiety gives me constant overstimulation, I take away attention to detail.

There are, of course, flip sides to these things. Perfectionism and anxiety are not healthy, but it is possible to counteract these things within myself by forcing myself to be more reasonable than I would originally be. This involves a daily struggle where I have to censor my own thoughts in order to be productive and continue to work towards personal growth and acceptance. The anti-Olivia uses perfectionism and anxiety against me, but I have the power of regeneration, rebounding and rebuilding no matter how much I tear myself down.

My arch-nemesis self causes intense turmoil within myself. Always demanding that I be better leads to toxic outlooks about myself. Feeling like I will never be good enough for my own standards leds to me having to adapt to my own thoughts. Life can be a battle between two sides of myself - the side that makes allowances for the mistakes I make, and the side that does not. Anxiety is something that I have always dealt with, for as long as I can remember, but perseverance is one of the good things I have learned, a gift unintentionally given to me by my arch-nemesis self, aided by my power of regeneration. Because I strive for perfection, I can never back down to anxiety. I must always persevere and rise above my thoughts.

Thinking about rising above my thoughts rather than myself is the key, I think, to realizing my own invincibility. I do not need to think of myself as split into two halves, with one half being my enemy and the other half being my ally. I am whole as myself, and I am not my thoughts, my anxiety. I am a person with thoughts of perfectionism and anxiety, but that does not define me. Realizing this is what really will help me recognize my own invincibility.

Unintentional self-sabotage still happens. There’s that little voice that tells me I cannot do it perfectly, so I might as well not do it at all. I know that voice is wrong. I know that voice is not me. I can achieve anything because I have done it in the past, and it’s more than okay to not be perfect. As long as I focus on the positives and do not linger on the negatives, remembering what I can do, I can take the power away from the perfectionism, the anxiety, allowing who I am to shine through.