Dr. Shepherd Taught Me To Trust Myself And Now I Can Move Forward Freely

Dr. Shepherd Taught Me To Trust Myself And Now I Can Move Forward Freely

In the midst of shame and failure, we must learn to be understanding of ourselves.

When I baked as a little kid, I refused to let the batter go into the oven until I’d flattened it. I would stop my mom from trying to put it the oven, take a spatula to flatten the batter, and claim that flattening it would make it taste better.

It's weird, I know.

I’m still not sure where that came from, but I know this: I like having control. I remember resonating with Emily in the "Pretty Little Liars" books when she would watch the cars go by and think “if the next car is red, then ___ will happen.”

Our brains like to make and find patterns in the world -- it makes us feel safer. We know so little in comparison to the intricacies of the world and bodies we live in, and that can be scary. We want to feel like we know, like we understand, like we have some small bit of control.

In my statistics class in high school, we played with the random number generator on our calculators. If a certain number kept coming up, we guessed that same number would come next; however, our teacher had to keep reminding us that another number has just of an equal chance. Logically, it made sense, but I found it hard to not still guess that same number. After all, it had just an equal of a chance as the other numbers, right?

But what happens if the next car is blue? Or if the car is red but something unexpected happens? What if we put our trust and control in something that doesn’t happen, that lets us down? What if we make the wrong decision and intense complications arise?

I’ve been watching a lot of "Grey's Anatomy" lately and thinking about these questions often. I’ve seen episode after episode where patients die -- sometimes unexpectedly, sometimes not, sometimes because a doctor makes a mistake, sometimes because the initial injury was just too severe. Sometimes, the doctors are sued by grieving family members who don’t agree with the doctor and blame him or her for their loved one’s death.

How do those doctors deal with that? How do they forgive themselves when they mess up and people die? How do they come to terms with the fact that they don’t have full control, even when they think they do?

While I’ve never found myself in such a position, I have made choices I wish I didn’t. I’ve dealt with consequences and regret and shame -- we all have. We aren't perfect and life isn't fair. I blame other people; I blame myself. I find regret terrifying.

When we encounter these moments, we have to learn to be understanding of ourselves. Our past experiences bring us to where we are. Difficult, scary, urgent decisions confront us, finding us left to our own devices. Decision-making isn’t easy, especially under pressure and false trust and past pain.

That’s how Dr. Shepherd from "Grey's Anatomy" does it. Without giving spoilers, I can tell you this: he trusts his decision, his knowledge, his gut feelings. To the best of his ability, he holds strong in those facts and knows he must move on and move forward to continue saving lives.

I think of a Wendell Berry quote from "Criminal Minds": “The past is our definition. We may strive with good reason to escape it, or to escape what is bad in it. But we will escape it only by adding something better to it.”

When we mess up, we have to remember the future holds good decisions, good luck, better options, better days. It holds successes rather than failures, and reminds us that failures are just learned experiences.

After all, as C.S Lewis said, “There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.”

Cover Image Credit: My Life is a Music Video

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An Open Letter To Democrats From A Millennial Republican

Why being a Republican doesn't mean I'm inhuman.

Dear Democrats,

I have a few things to say to you — all of you.

You probably don't know me. But you think you do. Because I am a Republican.

Gasp. Shock. Horror. The usual. I know it all. I hear it every time I come out of the conservative closet here at my liberal arts university.

SEE ALSO: What I Mean When I Say I'm A Young Republican

“You're a Republican?" people ask, saying the word in the same tone that Draco Malfoy says “Mudblood."

I know that not all Democrats feel about Republicans this way. Honestly, I can't even say for certain that most of them do. But in my experience, saying you're a Republican on a liberal college campus has the same effect as telling someone you're a child molester.

You see, in this day and age, with leaders of the Republican Party standing up and spouting unfortunately ridiculous phrases like “build a wall," and standing next to Kim Davis in Kentucky after her release, we Republicans are given an extreme stereotype. If you're a Republican, you're a bigot. You don't believe in marriage equality. You don't believe in racial equality. You don't believe in a woman's right to choose. You're extremely religious and want to impose it on everyone else.

Unfortunately, stereotypes are rooted in truth. There are some people out there who really do think these things and feel this way. And it makes me mad. The far right is so far right that they make the rest of us look bad. They make sure we aren't heard. Plenty of us are fed up with their theatrics and extremism.

For those of us brave enough to wear the title “Republican" in this day and age, as millennials, it's different. Many of us don't agree with these brash ideas. I'd even go as far as to say that most of us don't feel this way.

For me personally, being a Republican doesn't even mean that I automatically vote red.

When people ask me to describe my political views, I usually put it pretty simply. “Conservative, but with liberal social views."

“Oh," they say, “so you're a libertarian."

“Sure," I say. But that's the thing. I'm not really a libertarian.

Here's what I believe:

I believe in marriage equality. I believe in feminism. I believe in racial equality. I don't want to defund Planned Parenthood. I believe in birth control. I believe in a woman's right to choose. I believe in welfare. I believe more funds should be allocated to the public school system.

Then what's the problem? Obviously, I'm a Democrat then, right?

Wrong. Because I have other beliefs too.

Yes, I believe in the right to choose — but I'd always hope that unless a pregnancy would result in the bodily harm of the woman, that she would choose life. I believe in welfare, but I also believe that our current system is broken — there are people who don't need it receiving it, and others who need it that cannot access it.

I believe in capitalism. I believe in the right to keep and bear arms, because I believe we have a people crisis on our hands, not a gun crisis. Contrary to popular opinion, I do believe in science. I don't believe in charter schools. I believe in privatizing as many things as possible. I don't believe in Obamacare.

Obviously, there are other topics on the table. But, generally speaking, these are the types of things we millennial Republicans get flack for. And while it is OK to disagree on political beliefs, and even healthy, it is NOT OK to make snap judgments about me as a person. Identifying as a Republican does not mean I am the same as Donald Trump.

Just because I am a Republican, does not mean you know everything about me. That does not give you the right to make assumptions about who I am as a person. It is not OK for you to group me with my stereotype or condemn me for what I feel and believe. And for a party that prides itself on being so open-minded, it shocks me that many of you would be so judgmental.

So I ask you to please, please, please reexamine how you view Republicans. Chances are, you're missing some extremely important details. If you only hang out with people who belong to your own party, chances are you're missing out on great people. Because, despite what everyone believes, we are not our stereotype.


A millennial Republican

Cover Image Credit: NEWSWORK.ORG

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Why The Idea Of 'No Politics At The Dinner Table' Takes Place And Why We Should Avoid It

When did having a dialogue become so rare?


Why has the art of civilized debate and conversation become unheard of in daily life? Why is it considered impolite to talk politics with coworkers and friends? Expressing ideas and discussing different opinions should not be looked down upon.

I have a few ideas as to why this is our current societal norm.

1. Politics is personal.

Your politics can reveal a lot about who you are. Expressing these (sometimes controversial) opinions may put you in a vulnerable position. It is possible for people to draw unfair conclusions from one viewpoint you hold. This fosters a fear of judgment when it comes to our political beliefs.

Regardless of where you lie on the spectrum of political belief, there is a world of assumption that goes along with any opinion. People have a growing concern that others won't hear them out based on one belief.

As if a single opinion could tell you all that you should know about someone. Do your political opinions reflect who you are as a person? Does it reflect your hobbies? Your past?

The question becomes "are your politics indicative enough of who you are as a person to warrant a complete judgment?"

Personally, I do not think you would even scratch the surface of who I am just from knowing my political identification.

2. People are impolite.

The politics themselves are not impolite. But many people who wield passionate, political opinion act impolite and rude when it comes to those who disagree.

The avoidance of this topic among friends, family, acquaintances and just in general, is out of a desire to 'keep the peace'. Many people have friends who disagree with them and even family who disagree with them. We justify our silence out of a desire to avoid unpleasant situations.

I will offer this: It might even be better to argue with the ones you love and care about, because they already know who you are aside from your politics, and they love you unconditionally (or at least I would hope).

We should be having these unpleasant conversations. And you know what? They don't even need to be unpleasant! Shouldn't we be capable of debating in a civilized manner? Can't we find common ground?

I attribute the loss of political conversation in daily life to these factors. 'Keeping the peace' isn't an excuse. We should be discussing our opinions constantly and we should be discussing them with those who think differently.

Instead of discouraging political conversation, we should be encouraging kindness and understanding. That's how we will avoid the unpleasantness that these conversations sometimes bring.

By avoiding them altogether, we are doing our youth a disservice because they are not being exposed to government, law, and politics, and they are not learning to deal with people and ideas that they don't agree with.

Next Thanksgiving, talk politics at the table.

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