As many of us leave to go to college, we will meet with exciting experiences, new friends, and practically a whole new world where we can shape ourselves however we want. In this transition, however, we must leave behind the familiar. We leave behind our parents, siblings, pets, friends, and unless you’re going to school with them, we must also leave our boyfriends/girlfriends. Here’s a small guide on how to make your relationship work, taken from my own experiences in a two-year-long LDR (long distance relationship) with my boyfriend, who lives in Hungary. (I’m from New Jersey, he was a foreign exchange student junior year, and we’ve been together ever since he moved back! Now we’re both entering our freshman year of college) Anyway, enough about me, here’s how to do it:

1. There’s got to be love.

This would seem like a no-brainer however I’ve been approached by numerous people on advice about making it work for them and their bf/gf when they don’t love that person. It’s a little more complicated than it sounds. You have to think of the reasons why you’re staying together with that person. Is it because you’re scared of meeting new love interests, who may not know what you like or won’t like you in return? Is it because you don’t want to hurt your bf/gf by breaking up with them? Is it because you like someone to lean on when you’re drunk or feeling down? Or is it because you genuinely love that person? If you find yourself saying “yes” to one or more of the first three questions, you’re probably wanting to stay together for the wrong reasons.

To briefly address those issues, first, meeting new people is a major part of college. You should be open to that, not afraid of it; there is a plethora of opportunities for attracting new people out there. Second, (and this is one of the most important things) do NOT have a pity relationship. It will hurt you both the longer you and your bf/gf stay together. If they’re holding you back as an anchor in your life and you feel bad for them, honestly, tough luck. Don’t hold onto your anchor, they’ll sink you in the long run. Third, (and if this question sounds like you, don’t feel discouraged; many people have experienced this issue) don’t hold onto them because they make you feel better about yourself. Make YOURSELF feel better about yourself. You come first, never forget that. You don’t need someone to prop you up. In conclusion, you have to want to stay in your relationship for the right reason: love. Also, the love has to be mutual of course!

2. Your trust in each other must be strong.

When you both go away to college, again, you will encounter many people. These people can lead to temptation. Cheating breaks up long distance relationships nine times out of ten. However, worrying about your bf/gf cheating on you every second of every day is damaging to your relationship. There has got to be an element of trust. Don’t accuse your boyfriend or girlfriend of lying or cheating unless you’re 100% percent sure. You can’t be 90%, you can’t be 99%. That just creates uncertainty in the relationship and it takes away some of their trust. Don’t question who they talked to at the party last night, you might not like the answer, even though it was probably harmless. If your gf/bf loves you, they won’t cheat on you and vice versa. This also leads to another good tip:

3. Jealousy is a relationship murderer.

Everyone is naturally slightly jealous when their bf/gf pays attention to someone else they might see as PDM (potential date material). That’s just human nature, and jealousy is a powerful emotion, strong enough to break relationships. I’ve seen relationships that have been five years strong broken by jealousy. You have to be understanding when your bf/gf can’t talk to you at the moment. They need time to study or practice or focus in class. Don’t be mad when that happens; they also can’t be mad when you don’t have enough time for them at the moment.

If you know your bf/gf is the majorly jealous type, do everything in your power to avoid that jealousy from flaring up because it can be a problem to your relationship. Don’t post snapchat stories with you flirting or dancing with someone else. (I know from experience that this is never a good idea). This goes for posting Instagram and Facebook photos or tweets. Even if you’re sure it will get a large number of likes and/or comments, if you know it will hurt your bf/gf in some way, don’t post/tweet it. It will just lead to arguments. You have to discuss this with your gf/bf too if you’re the one bringing that jealousy into the relationship. Everyone should know better. You don’t want to hurt them. You don’t want to be hurt.

4. Communication is KEY.

This is one of the most important tips I can give you. Texting is just not enough. Calling, skypeing, and facetiming definitely help keep a long distance relationship strong. Talk with your gf/bf as much as you want. Tell him or her about all the adventures you’re having at school, your stress about an upcoming final, and the club you plan to join. This way you’ll stay a decent amount connected. It’s also fun to communicate in other ways such as writing each other letters. Getting letters is actually one of the best feelings. It’s nice to know someone cares enough to write you an actual letter. This last tip is very real for every relationship. Make time for that person, even for just a few minutes a day. My boyfriend and I text every day and FaceTime when we can, which is usually five times a week. We also write each other letters. If you’re struggling with a time difference just know that it can be done. My boyfriend and I are six hours apart. You can always make time. Even in a busy college environment.

So these are my tips on staying together in college. If you follow them, I guarantee you and your bf/gf a greater chance of staying together than people who don’t. A few final tips: 1) Say “I Love You” as much as you want, no ones ever said that their boyfriend or girlfriend says it too much. 2) When you guys do meet up again, be it in the summer or when you return home for breaks, the feeling is unlike anything else. When you want someone for so long and finally have them… that’s the absolute best. 3) If you guys decide on an open relationship, make sure it’s what both of you really want. You have to be 100% committed to the idea of someone else with your significant other. Set rules and make boundaries in this situation like, everything but sex, or something like that. But definitely make sure it’s what you both want.

I wish everyone the best of luck with their LDRs, and if you have a boyfriend or girlfriend in your college, realize just how lucky you are.