A couple of weeks ago, I wrote an article about the different types of female drunks and a little bit about how they will typically act in a college drinking environment. The descriptions weren’t to a T, but, for the most part, they were somewhat on course.
This week, however, I will be going over some of the types of drunk guys. I can think of at least a few people to match some of these descriptions, but I think I can safely say that I don’t fall under any of these categories.
The Stripper:
He’ll act pretty chill throughout most of the party, but the second those first few notes of Pour Some Sugar On Me come blaring through the speakers, he’ll grab a few other brothers, whether they’re willing or not, and drag them to the nearest elevated surface to give the crowd a show they may, or may not, want to see. He’s having a blast either way. FYI-- It’s better to find something you can stand up all the way on.
The Jerk:
After this guy has had a few, he develops a very high opinion of his own abilities and looks. There’s also a decent chance that this guy is like this every day, and drinking only intensifies his utter "coolness." They say no one is smoother than Keith Stone; no one except this guy, that is. Naturally, he thinks everyone else shares the same lofty views himself as he does, and if they don’t, he’s not afraid to try his damnedest to convince you to hop on the Tool Train. Don’t worry; there’s room for everyone!
The Snarky Jerk:
This one pretty much says it all. He’s usually funny in a cynical way, but when he starts to drink and as the night goes on, he gets less and less funny and starts becoming more and more mean. His tasteful rudeness is long gone, and he has zero tolerance for everyone around him. He either just drinks his beer and keeps to himself or goes around the party trying to be funny, but instead looks like a jackass.
The Creeper:
The way this guy acts normally isn’t actually all that bad, but everyone knows the way he is when the sun goes down and the beers come out. The way he approaches women and then proceeds to try to talk to them isn’t pretty. It’s painful for everyone involved except him. Most girls have signals for their friends to come and save her from this guy. Even other guys have received the “for the love of God please come help me” look from across the room. Sometimes it’s just sad.
The Fighter:
This guy is a hothead through and through. It doesn’t take much to piss him off. The minute any confrontation comes up, he’s right there sticking his chest out and loudly granting anyone permission to come at him, bro. He’ll go looking for a fight just out of boredom. His other, calmer brothers are stuck holding his beer and dealing with the collateral damage left behind.
The No In-betweener:
He is “that guy.” You can probably guess from the title how this guy is. When he drinks, he drinks until he passes out. Moderation is not in his dictionary. He’s the one being carried out of the party if a few people are feeling generous enough to not just leave him there until morning. This guy also has the uncanny ability to pick the worst places at the party to pass out: the make-out couch, in the corner by the bar, on the bar, slouched over the beer pong table, etc. Even if he makes it back to the frat house, the odds of him actually making it to his bed are slim. He’ll pass out on the stairs Friday and then in the elevator the next night because the stairs were uncomfortable. He may just be content with one of the couches in the living room. In his defense, though, the third floor is a long way away.
