I wrote a letter a year ago to the both of you and stashed it away in some box. Well here we are a year later and I expected to have read it to the both of you already. However, life happened (as we know) and things got busy. So this letter has been sitting for a year in this box, and since now we are all in different cities and states I think getting us three on the same website to read this is more powerful. As you two know me well, I would probably have started giggling and saying "I'm nervous to read this to you." Side-note: I think I should have an award for the most repetitive sentences.
Dear J and L,
(okay wow I'm already crying and I haven't even typed much, OKAY GET TISSUES.)
Hi my loves, how are you, what's been happening, I miss you like A LOT. Missing our cafe chats and the adventure drives that end in "okay let us pray.. you go first."
I find it still shocking how "hey I have a hairdresser, let me give her your number... and she is Catholic like you" and a new journey to college/ finding a new church and coming back to my home perish all somehow brought us together. Somehow the Lord picked you... he chose you out of a billion other people to come into my life.
You had something I needed so that the Lord could show me just how good he truly is and who he is. You were my saving lifeline to continuing my faith. Let me repeat: You were my saving lifeline to continuing my faith. I want you to know how much you have changed a life. How much you have influenced one heart. How much your love, wisdom, and faith-filled hearts made mine finally realize what living the faith meant. And how blessed I am to have two friends that will be lifelong.
The first time I met you, you both didn't care about my voice, you didn't giggle or have a weird look on your face when I started talking, you just waited for me to finish. You heard me for just me. In your eyes, I am not the "stuttering girl" as most people reference me as. You saw me in a different light. You both stood there always with a smile and with patience.
And with the endless amount of hearing me say "I'm sorry... wait let me restart again that sounded crappy" and watching me get frustrated with myself, you just said "hey it's alright, take all the time you need I'm not going anywhere. You have my full attention." By that action, by those words, you showed me how an actual person could accept me in one interaction and that my voice was important and how I wasn't a burden.
You pushed me out of my comfort zone. If it was simple as reading a poetry book out loud in a cafe to you, meeting your friends, starting off praying first even when I didn't want to, or even watching me speak to crowd of people and you feeling like you had all the proudness in the world and wanted to remind me after how brave I was.
To the days where I gave up, you gave me hope to run to Jesus. In my eyes, your words were him speaking to me. No matter how much my life got really tough you always reminded me that God was good even when I didn't feel like it. I knew you two were a part of his plan when one time I was at church and I looked up at the cross and said "Lord... I just need you" and I heard my phone buzz twice. You both texted me back at the exact same moments. And I sat there in that pew knowing the Lord's way of speaking to me was you two.
When I walked into a crowded room you always made sure I felt noticed. worthy, and loved. With every phone call, mid-life crisis moment that needed to talk after mass, you were the people who always pulled through with the endless amount of advice, love, comfort, and a shoulder to cry on.
You slowly taught me that if you find the right people they will be willing to stand by you and walk down that step with you.
Thank you for staying and being my friends, because God really blessed our friendship.
Remember when you picked me up for our first coffee adventure and you asked me "so tell me everything!" I want you to know that I got so nervous, but I told you everything. That was the first time I ever told someone my whole life. And when I got back into my dorm I freaked out thinking "she probably thinks I'm crazy and I'm a lot to handle... I hope she still wants to be my friend."
I was shocked when you kept on texting me each week asking if I wanted to grab a coffee. When my version of normal would have been a "hi.. bye.. see you at church" thing. You always had the best advice or input, and little by little I started to see my own thoughts emerge and my own self start to fully show.
I knew the Lord was doing something special. I knew as every conversation grew and grew and our friendship grew I felt that he showed me how true friendship is.
Having you in my life has been more than a gift, it has been an honor. You are someone I look up to and are like the sister I never had. You have taught me how someone can love one so much and invest in one person to help them to become their best self. I can never thank you enough for what you have helped me through. You inspire me.
You gave me courage, joy, and a reminder always that I deserve what my heart wants. Thank you for always comforting me, and being the person that cared. Thank you for reminding me that no matter how silly and crazy I get to talking, you always pushed me to say what I felt... and say it without hesitation. To know I could be loved even if I didn't love myself. Every time we got together and hung out I learned so many lessons, but also grew closer to God.
Thank you for being such a dear friend. I am grateful for all our mini adventures, and I can't wait for more to come.
Love you so so much.
I remember when I first met you and I knew when I opened that door and saw how excited you were I knew we had to become friends. I remember after the hair appointment all I could tell my mom on the drive home was "that is what I want to be... I want to be exactly like that. The love she has for Jesus is what I want." You had something I wanted to grow to have. You were the example that lit the flame.
And then we first had our hangout at TIL and Fr. Tom said "there are miracles in your life. God puts them there." After he said that I turned to you, looked at you, and flat out said "you are my miracle, thanks for listening always. You are so important to me." Then you cried and someone took a picture and it looks like I'm laughing at you. STILL TRUE TO THIS DAY.
Each time I told you an update about my life you always found a way to bring me back to my roots. You brought me back to Jesus. Even when I laughed it off trying to say how it was nothing you pushed me to tell you because you knew my heart needed to get that hard, chained, and battle out of me. And you were there with open arms ready to guide me.
I look up to you, your faith, your heart, your unconditional drive to keep seeking the Lord. And I still can't believe you are the first person who witnessed me hearing the Holy Spirit for the first time.
I love you so much, thanks for being my other Jesus Freak Half.
J and L
I don't know what me being in your life has given you. Maybe just an extra friend, but maybe God gave you the exact same gift you have been to me. Thank you for giving me a reason, thank you for inspiring me, thank you for giving me hope, and thank you for being those examples.
Whenever I talk to you, just know that Jesus is always present, and he makes himself known. He shows me through you what true faithfulness is, and how real he is. You two are my two... the two that I hope to be like and get to spread that piece you gave me to others.
You always found a way to show me how my words were needed, and that I had more power in me than I thought I had. You gave me a reason to try and fight for what I wanted. Your advice always created a peace that my heart needed. You gave me a reason to live - because his spirit through you allowed my spirit to fully come alive.
As Sarah Swafford says "Find someone and run towards Jesus together." So girls LETS DO IT. Because I don't know who else I would rather do that with than you two. YOU ARE MY TWO. MY BFFLS, MY "insert any exciting word here cause I am running out."
I love you long time, and for eternity. Praise God For It All.