Dear 10 year-old-me,
It is okay that you feel like you don’t fit in. You do not look “pregnant," you are just in the process of growing up. Stop listening to what other immature middle schoolers are saying to you. You are tiny and you are loud, that sets you apart from the others. Your voice is not annoying, it is cute and unique. Most people your age don’t have a “voice” yet. You are not afraid to speak your mind. You never have been. That is a good thing. Your personality lights up a room and you have so much talent that you have yet to discover. You are not a “butter face." You are beautiful. Thank god you didn’t know what that meant back then. All of those phrases your mother told you that you believed were stupid are indeed true. Those sayings pop up in your life in ways you will least expect it and will impact you more than you know. Oh, and, stop wearing a tank top instead of a bra…You have no idea what’s about to hit you. You do not understand how incredibly fortunate you are. It is okay though, you will eventually. Not everyone is blessed to have parents like yours and a family that you are able to hold so close. Appreciate what you have and take in every moment.
Dear 15 year-old-me,
Just a little update, your nickname is leaf now. Hence the title of the article. Let's dive back into it, shall we?
Know your worth. You are perfect just the way you are, there is no need to be self conscious. It's true what they say: "Dynamite comes in small packages."
It is OK that you are interested in things that other people your age are not intrigued in yet. It is not a bad thing to express yourself and push boundaries. You do not have to filter yourself in order to make others feel more comfortable. Be who you want to be as long as you do not hurt anyone in the process. Be honest with yourself and your loved ones. Anyone who tries to stunt you from being your true self is not meant to be in your life. Like who you want to like and explore the unknown. It is OK to be a little reckless, just don’t take it too far (which you tend to do). Find a way to control your emotions a little better. Every little slip up is not life or death. Roll with the punches. Remember that little prayer Daddykinz use to recite to us? It means something.
"God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference”
Dear 20-year-old-me,
Stop thinking you know all of the answers, you don’t. You are five years older now and understand the deeper meaning behind that prayer you once believed did not make sense. Stop focusing on the “what ifs." You only get to experience this time in your life once. LIVE IN IT. Stop floating by waiting until the next time you get to come home. Home will always be there. As Tamacious always says, “We plan and God laughs." You cannot control everything and that is OK. It is a part of life. It would not be worth living if it were easy all of the time. You would be bored out of your mind. And, remember, “fair wasn’t stamped on your ass when you were born.” You are strong and you are mighty. You still have so much learning to do. You still have so much life to live.
Someone I love very much once said to me, “Look at your feet. Be where your feet are. If you are always bending forward looking into tomorrow and bending backward looking into yesterday you will break your back. Be here now and stay in the moment.”
Again, shut your mouth and listen for once, Leaf.