F*** This.

Sorry, I usually never curse,

but that is the gist.

F*** this, I just want to be in a hearse.

I give up and give in,

no room for me to win.

I’m sorry but I’ve been wronged.

There are things that my heart has longed.

But the world said no,

hope melted away like snow.

Now it kills me with every step I take,

Can I catch a break?

How much more can I take?

I play shoulda, woulda, coulda and my heart does ache.

Think of a room full of doors…

They are open when you arrive,

Time to thrive!

The doors are open and filled with light.

Make my heart full of delight.

One by one they close,

and create real foes.

As soon as you walk up… Slam!

Locked and not budging, damn.

Now what?

Sit in the middle of the floor and watch them all close…

Why Walk around with a painted on grin?

I do not deserve to get in,

to heaven. No not going to happen,

Should I drown myself in gin?

That’s who I am, a smile

The one to go the extra mile.

I’m so happy for you!

Truly I am, the day is new!

I make others happy and I am happy for them.

Can I be happy for me? No, F***’em.

Just look at my life, one tragedy after another

Treating me like s**** is as smooth as butter.

I’m easy! Why should you treat me like a normal human?

Keep dropping bombs on me like you're Harry Truman,

one more cut into the flesh.

The cuts are deep and fresh.

It is my job to be fine,

smiling and acting as if life is sublime.

The Chris Traeger of the group,

positivity forever on loop.

But it is literally killing me,

I can no longer see,

happiness and joy.

Imagine a tunnel

Like the ones you drive through,

with the darkness to jump out, Boo!

At the end of every tunnel there is light.

The light is hope of an end in sight.

The tunnel I walk has no light.

The end is not in sight.

I’m too far in to turn back.

To far broken to continue,

with no light I cannot navigate.

So I will accept my fate.

Crouch down and cry,

and wait to die.

The tears are my only friends,

happiness has its ends.

No light means no guidance,

I have been stuck since;

the light went away.

I’m here to stay.

I tried to move by placing my hands on the walls,

like going down dark halls.

This did not work as my mind mourns,

the walls are filled with thorns.

I am a slave to a tortured mind...

What does that mean?

Good question, I have a plague on the scene.

I am a slave to a tortured mind,

I am tied to a pillar of my own design.

Wiped and scorned with no mercy,

as terrible as New Jersey.

My brain is a bad one, you see

Or at least that’s what they told me.

If you’re fine but every day are told that you are broken,

eventually you believe it. That thought has awoken,

in me. That I’m never good enough,

not funny, not smart nor buff.

This tunnel has no way out, no light, I can’t see!

The negativity surrounds and strings like a bee.

My mind believes it,

In sadness I sit.

Maybe I am worthless…

I will never get that kiss.

They don’t want me to succeed,

they keep me down,

they tell their lies

and cut down my size.

but to their surprise.

They don't control me....

No! no light, no hope it’s time to crawl.

I will get this my all.

My cut and bloodied hands continue, forward.

Forward the only place to go,

every tunnel has an end.

I may have bent, but you will never break me.

I'll find the end, slowly as I crawl,

Slowly as I crawl...