There's such a thing as sibling rivalry gone too far, but people like to slap the label even where the rivalry never began. I don't believe my brother and I have ever been true rivals. We have our little squabbles and fights like most siblings do, but we're not competing over anything. The terrible things is, I'd rather we were. If my brother and I were competing for something, to be the favorite child or to have the better grades, then the competition would eventually end, wouldn't it? We aren't fighting for anything and the animosity never ends. We're just distant and indifferent.

Growing up, I've never been close to my brother. When we played together it was only because we had a mutual friend we wanted to play with. I could say anything and he would snap back at me for nothing. I've tried to understand why, but I never have. I've resigned myself to thinking he views me as a nuisance. I've gone most hours of the day without seeing him or speaking to him. There have been days when I've only knocked on his bedroom door to ask him what he wanted for dinner, only to have him snark at me and tell me to go away because he's busy.

Since going off to college, I've only called my brother once in two semesters. In all that time I was just wondering what kinds of classes he wast taking; I wanted to hear if they were any good so I might consider similar classes at my school. He hung up on me. Before entering college, I tried time and again to ask him what it would be like. He's two years ahead of me in school and I thought it would be a brilliant help if I could talk to him about his experiences. Applying for schools has evolved since my parents went so he was my most recent source of information. I tried asking him how to go about applying only to have doors slammed in my face. The words I will always associate with him are "go away" and "idiot."

I've tried to connect with him over the summer. I started with little, less intrusive things like asking what his latest projects were or what he wanted to do today. One of the options I suggested was watching a great movie I'd bought at college. It was his kind of movie too and since he'd never seen it before I thought he might at least begrudgingly agree. It's a movie, so nobody had to talk or even look at each other. He refused. I've only ever been inside his room twice in this state.

I will say one positive thing for our relationship: we have wonderful boundaries. Good fences make good neighbors, right?