Some Advice For The Friend Zone

Some Advice For The Friend Zone

How you got there and how to get out.

Let’s talk about the friend zone. The friend zone is like the matrix. It seems real — we certainly hear about it enough, but here’s the thing. It isn’t. It’s a construct. It’s all in your head, and just like the matrix, it’s your own delusions that are trapping you there.

What exactly is trapping you? Unmet expectations. Whether you wanted a date or something more, the betrayal you feel when it doesn’t happen is the feeling that has become known as being stuck in the friend zone.

Everyone’s got at least one friend who complains about being stuck there, and they usually blame someone else for putting them there (If you don’t know which friend it is, it’s probably you). But the residents of the friend zone are not as varied as you might think.

There are two main types of people who occupy the friend zone. There are the timid people who have yet to actually ask out or in some other way make a move on the person they imagine is friend zoning them. And then there are the people who have done so, been rejected, and refused to let go.

If you’re the first type, escaping the friend zone is relatively simple. Just communicate your feelings. Ask them out, take them to a movie, do whatever, just do something. Keep in mind that until you have done this until you’ve at least tried, you cannot complain about being in the friend zone. Nobody can be expected to simply know how you feel or what you want. It’s your job to communicate that. If you fail to do so, the fault is yours.

If you’re the second type, then the only way to escape the friend zone you’ve supposedly been imprisoned in is to just get over it. If you tried and they rejected you, respect that. It’s ok to feel disappointed, but don’t hold onto it. Maybe that means taking some space or partying with your friends. Whatever does it for you, do it. You simply have to move on. You might even find that once you stop resenting your “friend” or “acquaintance” status, the horrors of the friend zone simply melt away.

So if you’re feeling friend zoned, figure out whether you’re type one or type two, and stop letting the imaginary friend zone control your life. If you’re actually interested in being a friend, this is a necessity. And, for anyone struggling with the friend zone, here are some helpful things to remember.

Simply wanting something doesn’t mean you deserve it or are entitled to it. It also doesn’t mean you’ll get it.

Nobody is obligated to fulfill your wishes, no matter how much you might want them to. People owe you basic human dignity and respect, nothing else.

If you get rejected, that’s unfortunate, but it’s not the end of the world.

Finally, friendship is not a means to an end. I repeat, friendship is not a means to an end.

So just stop thinking about the friend zone. Stop worrying about it. Stop blaming others for placing you there. Stop allowing yourself to get caught in the trap. Take the red pill. See the matrix for what it really is, and leave the friend zone behind for good.

Cover Image Credit: Flickr Creative Commons

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I'm The Girl Without A 'Friend Group'

And here's why I'm OK with it


Little things remind me all the time.

For example, I'll be sitting in the lounge with the people on my floor, just talking about how everyone's days went. Someone will turn to someone else and ask something along the lines of, "When are we going to so-and-so's place tonight?" Sometimes it'll even be, "Are you ready to go to so-and-so's place now? Okay, we'll see you later, Taylor!"

It's little things like that, little things that remind me I don't have a "friend group." And it's been like that forever. I don't have the same people to keep me company 24 hours of the day, the same people to do absolutely everything with, and the same people to cling to like glue. I don't have a whole cast of characters to entertain me and care for me and support me. Sometimes, especially when it feels obvious to me, not having a "friend group" makes me feel like a waste of space. If I don't have more friends than I can count, what's the point in trying to make friends at all?

I can tell you that there is a point. As a matter of fact, just because I don't have a close-knit clique doesn't mean I don't have any friends. The friends I have come from all different walks of life, some are from my town back home and some are from across the country. I've known some of my friends for years, and others I've only known for a few months. It doesn't really matter where they come from, though. What matters is that the friends I have all entertain me, care for me, and support me. Just because I'm not in that "friend group" with all of them together doesn't mean that we can't be friends to each other.

Still, I hate avoiding sticking myself in a box, and I'm not afraid to seek out friendships. I've noticed that a lot of the people I see who consider themselves to be in a "friend group" don't really venture outside the pack very often. I've never had a pack to venture outside of, so I don't mind reaching out to new people whenever.

I'm not going to lie, when I hear people talking about all the fun they're going to have with their "friend group" over the weekend, part of me wishes I could be included in something like that. I do sometimes want to have the personality type that allows me to mesh perfectly into a clique. I couldn't tell you what it is about me, but there is some part of me that just happens to function better one-on-one with people.

I hated it all my life up until very recently, and that's because I've finally learned that not having a "friend group" is never going to be the same as not having friends.

SEE ALSO: To The Girls Who Float Between Friend Groups

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4 Things I Wish High School Me Knew

Every day has a purpose.


People don't give high school enough credit for having the ability to shape your life. It can build you or it can break you and often times there is no in between. As I enter into my senior year of college I have reflected a lot on my college career and how it really has been the best years of my life up to this point, but I know that without a doubt my life would have been so different in I would have known these things as a high schooler.

1. Your life is valuable

But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. - Ephesians 2:4-7

2. You aren't defined by your singleness. 

Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. - Song of Solomon 2:7

4. You aren't going to fit in

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. - Romans 12:2

4. Your clothes aren't going to fit forever, don't spend all of your money on them 

Then he said to them, "Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; life does not consist in an abundance of possessions." - Luke 12:15

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