I have these visions sometimes about how I would like to live my life. Sometimes I feel like I should be in a bigger place, with more people and more opportunities because nothing about me says small town girl. I don’t really scream glamour either. I wouldn’t call it an identity problem, only because I just feel like where I am right now isn’t exactly the best place to do the things I want to do and it’s that simple. I know who I am, and I know what I want in this life. I get really frustrated with myself because, in hindsight, I could have made better decisions and been in a different place right now and maybe today I wouldn’t have these specific feelings where I feel like at one point I made a mistake I could have possibly turned around.
In hindsight, we think we could have all made better or different or even worse decisions. I notice that I have these thoughts of discouragement where I don’t feel like I’m good enough on the days that I don’t dedicate any time talking to God. I reflect on times a few years ago and I wonder what I did in those times of discouragement and doubt, back when I didn’t have my relationship with Him.
I wonder if I chose the right college, and sometimes I genuinely feel like I didn’t. I have people who I spend the majority of my time with that I dearly love, and this is the place where I publicly announced my love and dedication to the Lord. I know this place like the back of my hand and it’s not an unsafe place to live. Shouldn’t it feel like a special place?
I often forget that I have to believe that I am where God wants me to be. Right now, I am to be an obedient, dedicated college student. I don’t need to move mountains right now or build a business or change the world. I need to work on me. I need to dedicate my life to glorifying God and trusting that He will always lead me wherever I’m supposed to go. I forget that I’m not the only person who thinks he or she chose the wrong school. I’m not the only person who thinks this place is boring or I was made for a bigger place. God changed my life around right when I was starting college and I couldn’t see that. Just like right now, I probably can’t see where He is going with these directions He is clearly giving me.
It’s so over-said but so under-heard. Trust in God. Trust that you are where He needs you to be. If you feel confused or discouraged, talk to Him and pray about it. Ask for direction and guidance and if you don’t feel it, wait for it.