Lately I've realized that a really hard thing for me to do it to let go and trust. It sounds a lot easier than it is to do, because we hear it so many times in the form of advice when we seek help from others. But to truly 'let go' and trust in something we don't have all the answers to is a risk we all will face at some point-- ok, probably many times in our life. Whether that be trusting the people around us that has been placed in our life, trusting God, and even trusting yourself. I always seem to have some inkling of doubt, even in the midst of good news. I don't know if that's from being let down, or from some kind of former childhood 'lesson-learned' experience, or the fear of not being or doing enough that holds me back from going all in with no way to know how to completely and immensely put my trust in the Lord.

The other night I caught myself trying to call my friends. I was in the mood to talk at 11:30PM and everyone seemed to be going to bed earlier than usual. So I decided to read my devotional and start writing down the tasks I needed to get done the following day. In the middle of reminding myself to pick up my dogs medicine, something came over me. I had this immediate urge to pray and tell God exactly what I want. Out of life, for my life, how I want to be seen and remembered, who I want to spend my time with and how I want to serve and be successful-- literally, everything. I begin by just telling him straight up like I would tell my friend on the phone-- "I'm just gonna tell you exactly what I want to happen", and I did.

During the prayer I was looking around my room realizing all the things I already had that I've never thought twice about-- a roof over my head, food to eat, a family around me. I stopped and said "who am I to ask for all of these material things and accomplishments I want for myself to brag on, when I don't thank you enough for what You have given me already?"

Then I realized. God put the wants that I have in the forefront of my mind for a reason. He places the opportunities in my life so I can strive for bigger and better things. That's what we're supposed to do. We're supposed to want bigger and better things... Just in a different way than how we ask for it and why we want it in the first place. See, it's not us that make things happen and it's not other people that give us the opportunity, it's in God's plan all along. He puts thoughts in our minds so we may find our passion and ask Him to give it to us for the right reasons for His glory. Some come out of nowhere and some we want and wait a lifetime for, but eventually, we get the answer to what we ask. And God is very clear-- it's either a yes or a no.

As I'm telling God about what I want and why I want it, I catch myself blabbering about the future I see for myself and how I can serve God and be happy on earth if I have (insert what you want more than anything here). When I realized this, I paused, took a breath and remembered who I am talking to, and said 'but if not, You are still good'. That sentence has brought me to my knees more times than I can count. How amazing is that? If we don't get anything we ask God for, if we don't have the life we have always planned for ourselves... God is STILL going to be good to us. There is nothing we can ever say or do to change that about Him. That simple saying helps remind me that regardless of what I want and how bad I want it and how much I work for it tirelessly every day… if it is not part of God's plan or me, it will not happen and it will not work.

My advice to you would be to keep going. Keep working for what you want-- a stellar career, a college degree, a happy relationship, a better outcome of a situation you're going through-- because God does hear you. And He wants us to tell Him what we want and have the faith to trust in Him to either make it happen, or give us something that we need more that we are unaware of.. Because it is never 'less' with God.

During this prayer, I look up and see a big picture frame I have hanging on my wall that says 'Always find time for the things that make you happy to be alive' (how ironic, right?)

As I'm talking out loud to God, I began picturing the frame as my life map, or life path with a bunch of minuscule words telling my life story from top to bottom. I could see the whole picture. And I thought to myself... 'If I read the last sentence, or look at the final destination on my own map, how different would I live my life tomorrow?' We always want to know answers to the future. 'Will I be financially secure?' 'Will I really end up with the love of my life?' 'Will I succeed in the career I am in right now?' Will I graduate with the right degree?' Ultimately, the question of life is-- 'Will I have the life I want and (need) to be happy and fulfilled?' And these answers may seem dire for us to know right now-- but think about this:

If you knew you were going to get everything you wanted, would you still work as hard for it today? Better yet, would you appreciate it as much once you have it?

Or would we sit around knowing 'oh yeah I'm going to get this in two years anyway so I can relax until that happens'. We are not made like that. We have to get up every day and fight for what we want and pray to God that we trust in Him with all of our wants, knowing that He will give us what we need. Just like the map in the picture frame, only God knows every step we are going to take on this earth from now till death. Only He knows every word in our life story book. It is not meant for us humans to know the full story. Because what is faith and what is trust and what is taking a chance on the things we want if we already know the outcome? We take one step each day that will eventually make up that entire picture frame. Not all steps will be as big others on some days. But what matters is that we keep moving, keep trusting, keep the faith, and embrace everything and every person and every thought that enters our minds-- it is from the Lord. We do that, and God will take care of the rest for us.