January 20th.
The 20th day of the year, and as of this year, the 365th day of the new dystopian society we currently live in.
As many of us all know, January 20th every four years signifies either a president’s inauguration or the commencement of the incumbent’s final term in office. Last year, because it was Obama’s last term, January 20th would signify a new beginning to who would be leading the nation. You’ll never guess who that was:
No, no, no. Just kidding. We elected THIS guy:
Donald Trump, the physical embodiment of Making Fast Food Great Again, is, as of this writing, coming up on the one-year anniversary of his swearing-in as the 45th president of the United States. Suffice it to say that has not been bereft of controversy. From his Muslim ban to the Wall, we are seeing more of what candidate Trump presented rather than what was promised us: a “presidential” President Trump. Here are twelve controversial/baffling statements, by month, of his greatest hits:
January: Refuses to release his business empire to an independent entity as he takes office. He hands control over to Eric and Junior.
February: In an interview before the Super Bowl, defends Putin’s killing of own citizens by stating: “What, you think our country is so innocent?”
March: Accuses former President Obama of wiretapping him in Trump Tower during the campaign. Later proven to be false.
April: Forgets what country he bombed in the interview with Fox Business’ Maria Bartiromo, has to be reminded that it was Syria, not Iraq. Remembers eating chocolate cake though.
May: Fires FBI director James Comey as Russia investigation heats up.
June: Critiques leading critic of his administration, Mika Brzezinski, on Twitter by saying she was “bleeding badly from a face-lift” and “low-IQ.”
July: Suggests police should not be “too nice” when arresting people, says officers should slam suspect’s heads as they are loaded into squad cars knowing incidents of police brutality against African-Americans would provoke anger.
August: Believes that blame “can be made on both sides” in response to the white supremacist rally/riot in Charlottesville. Takes two days to condemn white supremacists.
September: Wishes NFL owners would fire players who take the knee during the national anthem. Subtly calls the leading activist/former NFL QB Colin Kaepernick a “son of a bitch.”
October: Thought to be behind a stunt where Vice President Mike Pence left the 49ers/Colts game at the sight of players taking the knee.
November: Demands thanks from LaVar Ball after getting his son LiAngelo and his UCLA basketball teammates out of jail in China for shoplifting. Says that he should have left them in jail for 5-10 years.
December: Claims that we are allowed to say “Merry Christmas” again now that he is in office.
Please make this stop. Let’s not duplicate this list again.