This time in November is that sweet spot in the Christmas season (yes, it’s started already) where you can start thinking about what gifts to give to your friends, family, coworkers, etc. without the obligation of buying quickly. It’s not that time yet, but you have to prepare for it.

For some of us, this is the fun part, but for others, myself included, thinking about having to shop for gifts for others is scary. It’s not that I won’t buy gifts for the people in my life — I like showing people that I care — but the pressure to find just the right item is overwhelming and feels impossible.

Here are the stages and feelings we bad gift-givers go through during the holidays.

1. The thought of having to pick a special gift for everyone is stress-inducing

It’s the calm before the storm. It’s only going to get worse from here. You have to prepare yourself for the long Christmas season.

2. It makes you question what you actually know

What are the hobbies, interests, and preferences of everyone you know? They suddenly seem to have flown out of your head. But, if you don’t forget this pertinent information…

3. How to turn someone’s interests into a gift

The great gift-givers are like magicians: they have an idea, and with the wave of their wand, they have the perfect present. Bad gift-givers have wands like Ron Weasley: broken and essentially useless. If you can’t think of anything…

4. You’ll spend hours roaming around the mall with no idea what you’re doing

You could be at home wrapping your perfect present, but instead, you’re smelling all the scents at Yankee Candle and procrastinating actually attempting to look for a present. You’ve probably even forgotten why you’re there. If you do find something…

5. Whatever you pick will ultimately be disappointing

Between the wasted time spent looking for the present and the lack of skills in determining what a good present is, you will probably end up with something lame in which you have little confidence that the person will actually *love*. Or…

6. You’ll just get them the same thing you got them last year in another color/scent/flavor.

Is it a cheap shot? Yes. Does it work? Yes. Will you feel bad that it isn’t original or thoughtful? Yes, because you’ll wish you actually had good gift-buying capabilities, and no, because you know that you lack those capabilities.

7. You may consider starting over completely out of guilt, but you don’t because that would be too hard.

If picking out the gift the first time was stressful enough, why would you put yourself through it a second time? That would also involve going back to the store and returning it, which is a whole other process in itself.

8. You spend every thought up until the moment you give the person the gift thinking about how lame it is.

You may even consider pretending that you didn’t get the person anything because that would be better than giving them a lame gift. Right?

9. Relief washes over you after you give them the gift because the pain is finally over.

The present may be awful, but at least you’ve completed the last step! When they open it…

10. You study their reaction to determine if they actually like the gift.

Is their smile pained or genuine? It’s hard to watch! But when they give you their gift for you…

11. You feel bad all over again because their gift is better than yours.

Thus the feelings of inadequacy and doubt return.