I began this series last week on what the opposite of love is, stating that I believe there are four options for what one might view as the opposite of love. The answers that I find to be most common, hatred, I addressed first. Hatred does possess some traits quite opposite to that of love, but a more fitting opposite for hatred would be infatuation. Hatred is a secondary emotion, and love is not as easily stirred up or put out as hatred is. Hatred is very self focused, and love is sacrificial and giving, much more aware of other peoples' needs and perspectives than hatred is.

Now, to address the second of the four possible opposites to love:

Fear.

Fear keeps people away from acting in love. Love is supposed to be a verb, a going towards, a vulnerability and a warm openness that invites others to be vulnerable, but may result in getting hurt. There is risk in love. Love is honest, and it is selfless, even when it doesn't have to be, and even when others aren't loving. (See the opening of Le Miserables -- I think the Bishop Myriel embodies love quite well in his interaction with Jean Valjean -- he shows a former thief the kind of love that changes his heart, and ultimately, changes his whole life).

Fear, on the other hand, can be a verb of moving away, or it can be paralysis – it is not vulnerable or warm, it does not invite others to be open. Fear moves away from any unnecessary hurt or rejection. Fear isn’t honest and fear is selfish, or it is at least self-protective. It projects the worst onto others. Fear can be controlling, even. Remember these points.

Ultimately, fear stems from a perceived threat. But love can still exist amidst fears, dangers, and threats.

Don’t soldiers go plowing into the dangers of war, acting in love for their country and their families? Don't mother animals face dangers and predators to protect their young? Courage and fear need not be seen as opposites: one needs fear in order to act in courage. Otherwise, if there was no fear felt in imminent death, diving into battle would be easy. Anyone would do it. Fear is a strong force, but Love overcomes it often, if the Love is true and deep enough.

Fear makes courage meaningful and it makes fighting for love tough, but worthwhile.

This opens up the fact that we can still fear the very things that we want and that we love. In fact, I think I most fear the things I most desperately desire, perhaps because I fear they won't be as good as I imagine, or they will be, but I will lose them. Disappointment and loss are heavy, so sometimes it’s easier not to try or not to invest, and to be without the desired thing, than to achieve what is desired and to be in a position where you might possibly lose it. Fear is more closely related to love than one might think. It is a part of love's significance and a testament to love's power, more than its primary or equal opposition.

There are both wrong and right times for fear, but there is never a wrong time to act in love...

Do not misunderstand me when I say this: there are threats that need to be avoided – if a body did not ever feel pain, we might get broken bones and cut off limbs without a care and then die because of it. Pain and fear are meant to protect us, but it's letting fear rule one’s life that is the problem. There is never a wrong time to act in love – however, that isn’t to say it’s never dangerous or difficult to act in love.

...However, the loving choice isn't always the soft choice, the easy choice, or the pleasant choice.

Parents need to discipline their children out of love, after all, or those kids will never learn boundaries. The parents may be afraid of hurting their child's feelings, but if they let that dominate their parenting style, they will likely have broken, wild, insecure children, who ultimately damage themselves all the more in their unbounded lifestyle.

Sometimes people die for their love, or suffer heavy losses. And yet – when a person is loved amidst their fear, or in spite of the other person's fear – it can be very moving and memorable. Yes, some people can take advantage of the loving people around them, but true and persistent acts of love can renovate a broken, selfish, fearful heart.

Recap:

The opposite of love is neither hatred, nor fear. Fear is a going away, while love is a moving towards. Fear avoids risk, and love is willing to take risks. Fear is concerned only with itself and pain avoidance, and love has concern for others, and often endures pain. However, they are not perfect opposites, because people overcome fear all the time in order to act in love. From the troops, to parenting, to romantic love, fear is often present when one has the choice to act in love, but fear can be overcome.

Although fear is powerful and people can use it as a reason to stay away from love, it is not an equal adversary for love. Sometimes fear helps people to act in love, against a threat. Love isn't always what is soft and mushy, love is found in the heart of a battle, in the discipline of a parent, and in other areas of discomfort, too.

Next I will address the final incomplete answer as to what the opposite of love is, which I think most people believe to be the opposite of love: apathy.