Took traveling to Thailand to find myself

It Took Traveling 9,000 Miles To Find Myself

I have become the me I wish I was back home

108
views

I remember when I made the decision to move to Thailand, a year and a half ago, everyone reminded me to think about what I was doing. More so, to remind me not to be running away from anything. Running away from pain, running away from myself, or even running away from the idea of being somewhere where I've always called home. And, being who I was, of course, I wasn't running from anything. I gagged at the idea of someone traveling to find themselves because essentially you should be able to find yourself where you are. Either way, you are the one person you will always have to put up with. So the idea of me moving to a different country to "find myself" or to "run from myself" was a bit ridiculous.

But here I am. Here I am working on my third month in Thailand. But before I go into who I am now, let me give you an idea of who I was. I was the one to always say "no" to plans, even though to this day I defend why I said no, but I said it a bit too much. I said no to about every plan that came my way. I talked about the same things I had been talking about with the same people for months. I had been talking about the same people, I had been going to the same places, and I had been doing the same things that I had been doing for years.

I absolutely loved college and everyone I had the chance to get close to, but that's about it. Greensboro in four years became what my hometown was to me after eighteen years. I was just tired and ready to leave. I didn't care to leave my apartment because I knew what was outside of it. I enjoyed people in small doses because that is all I could handle at the time. I was even okay with death. Not the death that I would bring upon myself, but the death that would come when it's my time to go.

And now, this me doesn't seem to come around anymore. I am terrified of death because there is so much world out there that I haven't seen yet. There are people who I haven't met who I know I will come to love. People who I deserve and, at the moment, deserve me. Who I am now is okay doing nothing after a long day of doing everything that I can. I love exploring and talking to new people. There are people I have met because I put myself in a position to be as open as I could with them, who are now people I consider so lucky to have met. I love that I am in a place where I can be ignorant and have every chance to learn something new, and I am open to putting myself in situations that I would completely avoid back home. Although I have come off my anxiety medication, which has held me back some, I am a me that I didn't think existed.

I didn't come here with the plan of being someone new nor was I trying to run away from anything, but inevitably, both have become an agenda for me. I have pushed myself more here than I have ever pushed myself before. Anxiety has been an enemy for so long and I knew that was someone else I would bring with me here, so I had to tackle it differently. And, now that I find myself happy here, I am now running from who I was and going back to America.

I have this fear that if I go back home, I will end up being who I once was, so I know when I am ready to leave Thailand that I will be running from going home. Although this isn't necessarily a bad thing to be running from, I just have found myself in a place and time where I am grateful to be alive and I remember when I didn't feel that way.

Popular Right Now

19 Things Wisconsinites Say And Do Differently

Wisconsinites are a breed of their own.
9393
views

Wisconsinites are a breed of their own. They are used to living in the frozen tundra for multiple months out of the year, they are the only state to have an NFL team owned by their fans, and they're surrounded by nature. To say they're a breed of their own is an understatement! Here are 19 things Wisconsinites say and do that have to be explained to people that aren't from around here.

SEE ALSO: 15 Signs You Go To UWGB

1. "Bag"

My mom, who lives in Illinois, always teases me about how I say the word "bag." Us Wisconsinites say bag like how it's pronounced in the word bagel, but pretty much any other state says it with a short a sound, like in the word "sad."

2. Packers Game Day is Serious Business

3. We Measure Distance in Time, Not Miles

This is especially true for people that live in rural parts of the state because the closest town is so far away that it's easiest to measure distance in the amount of time it takes to get there, rather than the number of miles away it is.

4. "Up North"

"Up north" isn't a specific town or location, but we all know what it is. When someone's talking about going up north they're usually talking about a cabin in the woods near a lake somewhere in the northern part of Wisconsin. If you were to draw a straight line across the state from Eau Claire to Green Bay pretty much anything north of that is considered "up north." Your definition of "up north" depends on where you live because the people that live in Eau Claire's "up north" is probably going to be further north than the people living in Madison's "up north."

5. "Ya Know"

I don't really know why we are the only ones that say "ya know", but whenever I say it when I'm not in Wisconsin I get called out on it.

6. Rifle Season is a State Holiday

In Wisconsin, you either go deer hunting, or you know someone that does, so it's not a surprise that the week of rifle season (the same week as thanksgiving) all of the hunters take off work to go hunting. Opening weekend is known as widowers weekend because it's when all of the husbands go off hunting and the wives have the house to themselves. Many stores also have special sales and events in preparation for rifle season.

7. Going to a Home Packer Game is on Your Bucket List

It's on everybody's bucket list to go to a home Packers game, but going to a home game can be kind of pricey. But once you've been to one it's so worth the money. It's definitely a once in a lifetime experience.

8. Friday Night Fish Fry

Wisconsin is the only state I know of where a Friday fish fry every Friday are a normal thing. Pretty much everywhere else they only have a fish fry during lent, but Wisconsin took this religious event and turned it into an all year tradition.

9. We Have Town Names That Are Hard to Pronounce

If you're not from Wisconsin you probably have a hard time pronouncing names like Oconomowoc, Ashwaubenon, Sheboygan, and Weyauwega just to name a few. Trust me, we've all been there!

10. "Soda"

Our neighbors to the south call it pop, but we call sugary carbonated beverages soda.

11. We Are Too Nice

Whenever my mom comes to visit me at school she always asks why the people in Wisconsin are so nice. I can never come up with a reasonable explanation, but it's true. Wisconsin is filled with nice people. You can be talking to a stranger at the grocery tore, but feel like you're talking to a friend.

12. "Brett Favre"

If you bring his name up in conversation in Wisconsin there's sure to be some controversy. Wisconsinites either love him for everything he did while playing for the Packers, or they hate him because he left the Packers and played for two other teams, including our rivals, the Minnesota Vikings.

13. "Bubbler"

Since I was raised in Illinois I'd never heard of a bubbler until I moved here. What I'd call a water fountain, Wisconsinites call a bubbler.

14. We Are The Nation's Dairy Land

California might say they make the most milk, but we all know Wisconsin is our nation's real dairyland.

15. Brats Are Better Than Hotdogs

If you haven't had a brat you have to try one!

16. The Winter Doesn't Stop Us

Since winter usually lasts for five months or more in Wisconsin, we have to get used to the cold in the snow. We've dealt with it so much that it doesn't stop us from going about our day. Many of us even enjoy winter activities such as snowmobiling, skiing, or ice fishing. When you have winter for such a long period of time like we do you have to learn to deal with it.

17. We Take Our Beer Very Seriously

There are over 100 breweries across Wisconsin and they all offer a unique taste to their beer. You can probably find any type of beer you can think of in Wisconsin.

18. And Our Cheese

I've never been to another state that has so many different varieties of cheese. Pretty much anything you can think of they at least have it somewhere. If you've never tried fresh cheese curds it's a must! Squeaky fresh curds are the best!

19. We Could Never Imagine Living Anywhere Else

The most important thing about us Wisconsinites is we love our state and we never want to leave!

This state comes with its own unique set of traditions and mechnasisms which help it stand apart from other states. Wisconsinites are definitely one-of-a-kind, and we would not want to have it any other way.

SEE ALSO: 17 Undeniable Signs You Go To The University Of Wisconsin

Cover Image Credit: Flickr

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

A Letter To My Friends When I'm Abroad

To some of the most important people in my life

91
views

Dear Friends,

I'm sure you know that studying abroad is a once-in-a-lifetime experience, especially for me. The ability to immerse myself in a different country with different people, culture, and lifestyle will enable me to grow tremendously. And while you know how exciting this can be, it also causes me to feel a lot of confusing emotions. Don't get me wrong, I am ecstatic to study abroad next semester, but as my departure date gets closer and closer, the reality of leaving also sets in. It is starting to hit me that I will be gone for an entire semester. It means that I won't be there for every wonderful thing you will experience in the fall, from movie nights to lunch dates to nights out.

In the next couple of weeks, I will have to exchange some goodbyes "see you later"s with you. And before the summer is over, I will be living in a new place for three and a half months...5,800 miles away. A part of me wonders how I will be able to handle the time and distance apart from you since you are some of the most important people in my life right now. Realistically, it may be difficult to communicate sometimes, but I hope this does not affect anything. I still want to hear about all your crazy stories, including funny stories from class, interesting questions you were asked on a tour, and whatever interesting events are happening on campus. Make sure to keep me in the loop. I hope you never forget that I am always a text away, and I expect to have some quality FaceTime sessions with you, no matter wherever you are in the world.

Although I know you are also upset to not see me for an entire semester, you are constantly supporting me. Just so you know, that support means the absolute world to me. Even though I may feel sad to leave Villanova for a semester, you keep me grounded, reminding me that studying abroad will be an amazing experience. You encourage me to live my best life abroad, and I know you will always be rooting for me despite the oceans that separate us. Just as I will be cheering for you nearly 6,000 miles away, ensuring that you too are living your best life.

Thank you for always believing in me.

With love,

Juliana

Related Content

Facebook Comments