There are millions of people in the world who have had traumatic events occur within their lives at some point. Either through their childhood or through a certain career (such as the armed forces), trauma is not a joke. And it is not something that should be taken lightly; it is not a joke.

I recently began reading a book called "The Body Keeps Score" by Bessel Van Der Kolk, MD. Throughout this book it spoke about how trauma impacts a person for years and years to come, not just for a moment. It used real examples from people who've experienced trauma and walked through how one event could change the course of a lifetime. I connected with this immediately.

"Trauma, whether it is the result of something done to you or something you yourself have done, almost always makes it difficult to engage in intimate relationships." When I moved away from home, that did not solve my problems. I've never been able to have a stable relationship with any male that has come into my life. I've had guys go out with me because "I was sad" and I've had guys break up with me because I could never engage. Trauma did this to me.

"They despise themselves for how terrified, dependent, excited, or enraged they felt." I am ashamed of my trauma. It was nothing I had control over, but I will always feel like I could've done something. I never feel worthy of love, kindness, or even existing because of my trauma. I am in a constant state of hating myself because of what happened to me. Trauma did this to me.

"Traumatized people have a tendency to superimpose their trauma on everything around them and have trouble deciphering whatever is going on around them." I cannot make friends because I cannot go into a public situation without fear that someone in that area is going to hurt me in the same way I've been hurt before. I am always in a state of wondering whether or not I should move on or build my wall up higher. Trauma did this to me.

"They suffer from a failure of imagination, a loss of mental flexibility. Without imagination there is no hope, no chance to envision a better future, no place to go, no goal to reach." I've never been able to see my life beyond a week in advance. I cannot plan anything further in advance than that. I cannot make goals. I'm scared of making goals and plans and not being there to make it a reality. Trauma did this to me.

"Somehow the very event that caused them so much pain had also become their sole source of meaning. They felt fully alive only when they were revisiting their traumatic past." I only find myself feeling real feelings when I'm talking about something that's happened to me. I cannot close the door of my past behind me because I believe it's the only thing that proves I've lived. My trauma is who I am. I am what has happened to me. Trauma did this to me.

Trauma changes lives. It ruins lives. It did that to me, and I'm still waiting on the moment when I can move on.

Trauma did this to me.